My daughter's longtime boyfriend was a contradiction
from the
moment he latched onto our family. I say latched
because what he did
to all of us could only be described as parasitical.
We had known him since he was twelve years old,
the product of a
broken home, constantly being shunted from household
to household. I
truly believe that he found the stability he had always
been missing
in our family, and in his own demented way did everything
to control
us all in order to retain that stability.
At first he made friends with my son, even though
I tried to
dissuade him. I finally relented as I felt sorry
for him and felt I
could offer something that his own family could not give
him. Through
the years he practically lived at our house and we gladly
accepted
him. I was, after all, flattered when he said he
loved us more than
his own family.
There were things that he did, however, that were
totally
contradictory to the image he presented to the world.
He is from a
highly religious family, Southern Baptist, and one that
takes great
pride in their pioneer heritage. He was, however,
(and still is)
involved in Dungeons and Dragons -- a pastime that I
find totally
abominable. He involved my son and his friends
in this activity, and
his preoccupation with fantasy was almost diabolical.
He was, and
still is as far as I know, involved in drugs -- even
though I
thoroughly objected in the strongest possible terms.
He took it upon
himself to introduce my son first to drinking, then to
marijuana. You
might say that these are innocent activities, ones most
teenagers are
likely to experiment with. I, however, disagree.
Over the years my daughter fell in love with him
and it was at
this point that I became crazy with frustration over
the situation. I
am, you see, Jewish and consider my children to also
be Jewish. He
made her conversion to his religion his mission in life.
He also
introduced her to liquor and sex.
You might ask why I did not put a stop to this fellow
when I
found all this out. Well, that is the contradiction.
The more I
spoke against him, the more my family gravitated toward
him. He is,
after all, quite presentable and his family is genteel
and wealthy.
There was talk of marriage, vacations at the family summer
home in
North Carolina, gifts, and the inevitable invitations
to family
affairs. He had me convinced that I was selfish
and petty for trying
to deny happiness to my daughter.
I finally decided that my sanity was more important
than fighting
the situation. I accepted the fact that he had
won his way, and that
eventually she would marry him.
Nine years have passed since he first invaded our
household.
Both my children are in college, and my daughter lives
in the same
dorm as the boyfriend. My prayers were finally
answered recently when
the boyfriend broke off his relationship with my daughter.
Was she
crushed over his decision? I think not. She
has grown up the past
year and I believe has finally seen through his contradictory
way of
life. My only regret is that because of him her
religious beliefs are
different than mine -- a fact that will cause sorrow
for me for the
rest of my life.