Singing at Church
Our congregation has rotating song leaders. We used to have just one, but he moved too far away. Though he did do nearly an hour one-way commute for a while, eventually he realized how silly that was.

Molto Lento Accompagnato Buffa
The youngest song leader can turn any song into a dirge. There was a song in 4/4 time which I added up should have been 17 seconds per verse. It was actually 70 per verse the way he did it.

Oh, and I know that I should not have this attitude during worship, and I try not to, but during that song I had lots of spare time.

Canzone Oscura
The guy who's currently pulling Sunday morning song leading is fond of obscure hymns. Not that I want some catchy, Beatles-esque songs, but the ones he picks are unpopular for a reason. They are hard to remember how they go. They're not very melodious, they have no hooks, and usually the bass section is all over the place.

Mr. Bass Man
I sing bass. I suppose I should sing tenor, but tenors do stuff besides drone. Bass usually is more a drone line, and since I find it so hard to find the notes in the first place, once I've got it right, we might as well use that note for every word for six bars.

Fat Don't Make You A Tenor, Lady
When I say tenor, I think of the Three Tenors©. Note that Luciano and the other two guys are, in fact, guys. There is a lady who sits near us who sings tenor, but an octave high. It's very strange. She's a heavy lady, and I wonder if that shapes her perceptions of what she should sing.

The Sopranos
Really, 80% of everyone sings soprano. Heck, I sing bass about 70% of the time and then soprano the other 30%. Mainly because minor-key dirges from the 1840s get picked by the current guy and I can just sing with the rest of everyone. Well, actually, when we get one of those, I'd say the majority of people don't sing.

Canzone Oscura II
And that's what really makes it interesting, why is this guy allowed to start the service off on the wrong foot by making us all stumble around on some unknown lame song. I mean, chuck out a standard. Trust and Obey. Amazing Grace. Anything that we actually know as the first song. If you want to bring the service to a screeching halt, do it after a prayer or something, not first thing.

Summer Camp Songs
Our hymnbook goes up to around 900-something. Any time you hear that we're singing a hymn with a number above 800, it's one that was written since 1980. And let me tell you, QA/QC was not practiced on religious songs since about 1976 or so. As the Deer Panteth for the Water is one of my personal un-favorites. All the songs sound like something you'd sing as some baptist summer camp, as I'm sure they all were.

Turn of the Other Century
I really prefer hymns written between around 1890 and 1920. If you attend a church and have congregational singing (the only kind we have, so no lousy and pretentious solos from the preachers wife, as I was tortured with when I was a baptist growing up), you might know what I'm talking about. That time period really produced some nice stuff for us basses. Though I'd have to say, right around 1911 or so, they get a little too Anchors Away. But better that than some song no one has ever heard, and once we try it, everyone realizes why we never sing that. Cause it sucks.

Disclaimer and Explanation
I am firmly aware that worship services are just that, for worship. My entertainment is not the issue. I'm trying to please God. I'll admit that I should do my best at making a "joyful noise", and I do. But this is something that's really obvious. The quality of the singing suffers. Then again, it's not like we're paying anyone to be a song leader or anything.

Flalto
Oh, and I think the lady who sang alto, loud and flat, died about two years ago. Man, I tell ya, it was When Flat Altos Attack!
- posted by Nick Postagulous @ 1:07 PM