Nick Postagulous
Friday, January 14, 2005
Laser Pistols
Yesterday, as I was driving into what all the media was saying was a horrific storm (and turned out to be nothing), one of the national news things was about people being fined for shining lasers at airplanes. I'm not sure, and I might be wrong, but are they actually talking about the little dorky lasers that kids and geeky adults (like me) have? I think, if we were to try to find the most powerful laser in the family, it might be Brad, my nephew, but also Tom and I have one. Though I'm a little disappointed in my beam scattering over distance. Not like I need a laser for anything besides playing with the cat anyway.
But it made me think of Baby Seth's older brother. Baby Seth is a baby that's Nina's age, and Seth's older brother had a laser pointer when I saw him when I picked up Nina from the Nursery. What was significant about this is what he was doing with the laser pointer. He was shining it, point blank, into his eye. Now, since he's maybe four, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's colossally ignorant, and not willingfully risking his eyesight in a bid for attention. And he didn't really get much attention besides me saying, "Hey, don't do that."
But it strikes me as odd that we'll let our kids have real lasers that'll damage other people's eyes, but then we don't let them play with toy guns. Yeah, I know it's a symbology thing. Toy guns symbolize real guns and real guns are made for shooting other people like native Americans/nazis/crime suspects/terrorists/innocent people. Or James Bond. Please, someone, just shoot James Bond.
The laser doesn't symbolize anything powerful or sinister. It's just light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation. Sure, Goldfinger, or was it Dr. No, used one against James Bond's genitals (with little effect) but it's still just a device that utilizes the natural oscillations of atoms or molecules between energy levels for generating coherent electromagnetic radiation usually in the ultraviolet, visible, or infrared regions of the spectrum. But you can still shine it in your friend's eye and make him blind in that eye when he's an old man.
But lasers don't blind people. People blind people. A kid could blind another kid by, say, accidentally scooping his eye out with a grapefruit spoon. The laser just makes it so that he could accidentally do it.
My Run-In With The Occult
So, they're putting in fiber optic along the boundary of the arsenal. I don't do the arsenal, but they called me about a locate in the small area where they won't be in the arsenal. Technically, they'll be in the botanical gardens, but really, it's in the woods. I got poked with briars.
But after I found a manhole buried by leaves, non-supernaturally, by hacking at the ground with a pick. Me and the more professional of the two droogs I met out there marked my line. Me with paint. He used little flags. And then, when we couldn't really determine where the line was (except for the burm, dur), this dude takes one of the little flags and bends himself a divining rod. Or as he called it, a witching stick.
And sure enough, his rod turned right where we already knew the line was. Imagine that. It's not like he wasn't holding it in his hand. He made me try it. It did nothing. Then, the less professional of the two droogs got back from his truck and he had two nicely made divining rods made of copper.
I sacrificed a goat and left. Freaks.
(Actually, they were very nice people.)
