ACNeilson’s Perfect Family
Egad, where to start with this one. This ad is almost as bad as the one that RCI used for many years where the dynamic of the ad was “Look at the hot female bodies that Grandpa gets to touch. Whoo!” I deeply regret that after a little searching at their site, I could not locate that beach scene.

Well, the ideal Norteamericano family clearly dresses all in fleshy pink tones. They stand too close together. Mom is so youthful she looks like she could be her son’s girlfriend. But what puts it over the top for me is the Bread and the Van Tailgate.

Oh, I don’t know, the American flag gowing out of that John Kerry clone is pretty good too. Though Kerry would tuck. Though for the loose sexual symbology here, untucked is definitely the way to go.

But let’s talk about Junior’s Bread. It seems very erect, wouldn’t you say? It’s growing out of a box o’ plenty. That heavy cardboard box (clearly weighing 20ish lbs so as to make the virile pink shirted teen’s biceps flex a little) is a veritable cornucopia of lushness and penile imagery. Erect bread and bananas?

When viewing ad demographics and symbolism, however, you must realize they are trying to get in as much eye catching and subliminalness as possible, so please ignore the family relations since the Breadrection is pointed up young sis’s torso.

I’m puzzled about how I feel about the open van. Sure, we’re seeing into an intimate part of their lives by doing so, but I think it’s more a suggestion of active consumerism. Ah, we’ve just come from the epicurean market with a rich bounty and our helpful and cheery manchild is about to carry it into our 4000 square foot house.

Though, symbology and pink clothing aside it must also be noted that these outfits are timeless, except for sis. Sis is wearing a shirt which is tailored for, franky, a boy. The androgenoshirt is probably to downplay some of the overt sexual imagery.

Other little things to note. Females wear rings. 75% of male hands are hidden. Male hair is that of a company’s Vice President In Charge Of. The boy is clearly adopted, or his grandfather was King Unibrow and it skipped a generation. And who’s the most important role here? Teen boy. Strong, provider, huge brows, and such erect bread. Even his three flaccid bananas show that he is at ease.



- posted by Nick Postagulous @ 11:52 AM