Nick Postagulous
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
The Pteranodon
This morning, I'm really batting 1000. I got soap in my eye in the shower. Actually, it was dandruff shampoo, and yes, I shave my head, but the dominant consumer culture and it's advertising has made me paranoid forever that a micro-flake of my skin will peel up on my head. And, hey, nobody wants that. I forgot to put in my contacts until after I made protein drinks, and then didn't wash my hands, so I had ookie eyes for a while. The micro-micronized protein, or whatever, is very small and eye unfriendly.
Then, an eagle or something crapped all over my car. And I mean all over. I don't have a big car. It was as I was driving south on Slaughter Road, approaching the RR crossing, which, yes, I got stuck behind a train. The eagle, or perhaps a flock of other large birds doing their synchronized pooping trick, nearly covered the drivers side of my windshield. I waited until I was at speed on 565 before I did the windshield washery thing. I normally don't have any in the car, because I never use it. I'm glad I did.
Better Than A Towel Full Of Navel Oranges
Oh, and that reminds me; Alison and I were going to the parenting class last night and in front of us was an older Camry which was not a good car to be in a wreck in. On the back "parcel shelf", they had some random crap like tissues and whatnot, but they also had a gallon of windshield washer fluid. I'd like to see the crash test dummy get hit by that thing when the car suddenly decelerates. Yikes. That's 8 lbs of smashola at head level. I guess some people don't think about those kinds fo things.
We were told in our parenting class last week that all those suction cup sunshades are bad because in a wreck, they will detatch and smack people. Now, I'm not one to think that a little piece of plastic will pierce my skull or anything, but minimizing things I'll get smacked with in a wreck is always a good thing.
Failed Autopian
The rest of the drive into work was uneventful, with the exception of a Honda Accord changing lanes onto me. Good thing one of us was paying attention, but I always have to as Suburbans driven by short women can't see the ground near their car and try to kill me on a regular basis.
When I got into work, I looked at the hood of the car and it was, not covered, but had a very good portion of it splattered with eagle poop. I have no cash on me to go to a U-Spray-Em washer and just blast the stuff off. And even if I did, I don't have enough time to drive it to get the water off. I don't have a microfiber towel in the glove compartment, and even if I did, the car is covered in a fine layer of concrete dust and mud, due to the stupid concrete people and APAC, a company which tracks about 400+ lbs of mud onto the street that I work onto every time it rains. They pave roads, and their spare asphalt mountain is located on the street I work on. And yes, it's a big old black hill o' asphalt. Eyesore? Not really. You'd be surprised. But tracking mud with their trucks sucks.
No microfiber towel. No quick detailer. None of the supplies that I have at home. Normally, I discover bird bombs on my car on my way home, so I don't think about being able to get them sooner.
After weighing the options, I hosed off my car. I'd rather deal with the water spots than risk the bird poop etching my black paint. It's not the perfect thing to do, but I think it's the better of a few evils.
I need to make up a kit to keep in the trunk. I'm keeping this car for too long to start letting it go downhill. I'm not planning on a repaint before 2010. Though I might get a new top in 2005 or so. Woot.
I Wonder Why The Wonderfalls
Since the show Wonderfalls was cancelled, this is a unique opportunity where fan defiance exceeds fears of legal reprisals. If you want to download the theme song (goofy, but fun) or read any of the scripts that weren't shot, go erehay. (That's pig Latin, yeah.)
