Wednesday, Jan. 13 
3:14 a.m.--Fort Sanders security reported they have an officer standing by at Laurel and 19th Street with an intoxicated female UT student. They would like for a UTPD officer to pick her up.
(now as i see it, the fort sanders security guards function only as date suppliers for the UTPD ..... come on, don't the UTPD have something else to do other than pick up drunk girls ... they could do that off duty on the strip)

3:29 a.m.--Complainant reported a suspicious male with a blanket came out of the bushes and then disappeared at Austin Peay Building.
(my theory .... the suspicious male was looking for his therapist in the austin peay psychology building ... where he then discussed how he sneaks around campus by hiding in bushes because he doesn't want everyone to laugh at him b/c of his identity crisis with peanut's characters )

Friday, Jan. 15 
5:39 p.m.--Officer was assisting KPD with a domestic problem at Taco Bell.
(the soft shell taco and the hard shell taco were in an argument over which hot sauce to use)

Monday, Jan. 18 
2:00 a.m.--Officer was flagged down in reference to a male who was locked in the library.
(anyone wondering where this guy was when the library closed ... was he asleep in a corner somewhere? my idea is that he was hiding somewhere just curious to see if he could he could find a way to stay in the library after closing and not get caught .... wasn't such a fun trick, when he found out he couldn't get out later ....)

Tuesday, Jan. 19 
3:17 p.m.--Complainant reported a group of people skateboarding in the plaza using tables from the Humanities Building as ramps and causing a disturbance.
(just wondering .... why does the humanities plaza seem to be the skate park of ut?)

Monday, Jan. 25 
3:47 p.m.--Complainant reported an officer needed to check the sidewalk minister and gathered crowd at Andy Holt Avenue.
(once again, the street preachers at ut come to give true christians a bad name .... please read this beacon editorial on street preachers to find out more)

Tuesday, Jan. 26 
3:15 p.m.--Complainant reported a Ford LTD blocking two vehicles at Facilities Planning.
(looks like facilities planning didn't plan on having ford ltd's block their cars in

Monday, Feb. 1 
4:36 p.m.-Complainant reported a suspicious person at the outside corner of Taliwa Additions Building #1. Subject was stooping down, lighting matches and watching them burn down to his fingertips.
(my theory, officer shows up later to find that suspicious person is having trouble lighting his cig. on a windy day)

Wednesday, Feb. 3 
4:22 p.m.--Officers out at the Aquatic Center were checking for illegally parked vehicles.
(this one made my best of list only b/c i didn't feel this even needed to be in the crime log to begin with .... illegally parked cars at the aquatic center is a round the clock all year long occurrence ... not a multi-officer (note the report says officers) reportable offense)

4:49 p.m.--Officer reported students throwing water bottles from North Carrick Hall.
(look out below ...... the freshmen and sophomores in carrick have graduated from balloons to plastic bottles)

Monday, Feb. 8 
3:14 p.m.--Complainant reported an individual under the first floor stairwell in a state of undress at the Nursing Building.
(here we go again ...... AN INDIVIDUAL ....... i think we can figure out male/female dressed and even more so in a state of undress)

Sunday, Feb. 14 
12:17 a.m.--Officer reported an intoxicated person at Flamingo's Bar.
(smart officers ..... they find drunk people in bars ... high quality police work here)

Friday, Feb. 19 
11:10 p.m.--Officer was out taking pictures for damages to seats due to the Monster Truck accident at Thompson-Boling Arena.
(no comment here .... this one stands alone!)

Tuesday, Feb. 23 
10:36 p.m.--Complainant reported a ferret had been confiscated from a room in Clement Hall.
(clement zoo, how may we help you? )

Wednesday, Feb. 24 
1:26 a.m.--Complainant reported unknown persons at the rear of Hess Hall throwing snowballs at the dorm window and woke him up. He said that he would like an officer to come and cease activity.
(utpd shows up on the scene with a very large heat lamp ... problem solved)

Tuesday, March 2 
5:35 p.m.--Officer was dispatched to attempt to deliver a message to a student in room 324 of Perkins Hall.
(utpd singing telegrams, how may we help you?)

Thursday, March 4 
12:55 a.m.--Complainant reported a severe water leak at the rear of a toilet at North Carrick Hall.
(welcome to ut toilet week ... see the next few posts ......)

Saturday, March 6 
1:20 a.m.--Hall Director at Greve Hall requested emergency maintenance for a toilet that was constantly flushing on the sixth floor. 

Thursday, March 11 
1:14 a.m.--Complainant reported rolls of toilet paper being thrown out of an 8th floor window at Clement Hall. 

Sunday, April 4 
3:47 a.m.--Officer was requested due to several subjects on the roof of the Lambda Chi Alpha house. The subjects threw a pool ball through the window of the Delta Tau Delta house.
(lambda chi alpha shoots ...... THEY SCORE!! lambda wins! lambda wins! )

Monday, April 5 
5:03 a.m.--Complainant said his neighbors talk too loud and sing all night long, every night, keeping him awake. He was sick and tired of it. The complainant wanted an officer to talk to them at Golf Range Apartments.
(hope the officer didn't talk to them too loud)

Sunday, April 9 
2:49 a.m.--Officer was requested due to two male subjects stealing a Sea Ray banner at the Tom Black Track. Officer made two arrests for theft.
(just when they thought they would have a nice new wall decoration ... busted!!!)

Monday, April 12 
7:05 p.m.--Complainant reported skateboarders running into people at Humes Hall. Officers issued a verbal warning.
(where the skateboarders riding or running?)

Saturday, April 24 
4:17 a.m.--Officer reported assisting hall staff to capture a wild ferret on the 2nd floor of Reese Hall.
(the clement zoo relocates to another section of campus)

Thursday, April 22 
1:55 a.m.--Officers reported a loud party at the Alpha Tau Omega house with beer.
(for the officers .... a lesson in english ... the sentence should read "a loud party with beer at the alpha tau omega house")