Tuesday, Jan. 18
11:48 a.m. - Officer was requested to Clement Hall due to theft of telephone services.
(How does one even go about stealing someone's telephone services?)

Monday, Jan. 17
2:07 p.m. - KPD reported that a theft had just occurred at Walgreens on W. Cumberland Avenue. Subjects were two males wearing black jackets, with no directions of travel. They had stolen several items, including some cameras. Officers made contact with the suspects behind Clement Hall and transported them back to Walgreens to KPD officers.
("...with no direction of travel ..." ... Sounds to me like the subjects should have stolen some maps while they were at it.)

Sunday, Jan. 30
10:22 p.m. - Complainant in Apartment Residence Hall stated that someone was able to freeze her computer over the Internet. Complainant stated that this person was able to freeze up her computer and type messages on it. Also the complainant stated that this person seemed to know the apartment as though he or she had been through it before.
(hacking 101 comes to ut.)

Wednesday, Feb. 2
9:59 a.m. -Complainant reported she observed a suspicious person seen on Laurel Ave. at 16th street. The suspect is a unknown male and female wearing a red ski mask, tan coat and sweatpants.
(..."male and female...." Next on Springer.)

Tuesday, Feb. 8
1:09 p.m. - Complainant reported a strange man walking through the parking lot behind Apartments Residence Hall looking in cars. It was a ticket writer in lot.
(Subject later seen in 30 min parking areas defacing personal property with chalk marks on people's car tires.)

Wednesday, Feb. 9
1:24 a.m. - KPD reported a fight in Taco Ball. No fight was in progress. An intoxicated man had fallen and injured himself.
(Taco Ball .... maybe someone tripped on a dictionary while trying to run for the border.)

Sunday, Feb. 13
10:27 a.m. - Officer was dispatched to check on lost piano keys at South Carrick Hall.
(Wonder what happened to the rest of the piano)

Thursday, Feb. 10
2:26 a.m. - An alarm operator stated an intoxicated male was playing with the elevator phone in Hess Hall. Subject stated his name was Jimmy Morrison and the police could find him on the fifth floor.
(getting this mental image of getting on the elevator in Hess and hearing ..."is everybody in, is everybody in, the ceremony is about to begin")

3:33 a.m. - Complainant stated that someone was playing Paul Simon music way too loudly in Hess. Officer located the problem and confiscated baby marijuana plants. The music was turned off.
("..baby marijuana plants.." i guess we know where morrison was going. "The music was turned off." ... wonder if the lights were turned out when the music was over?)

Monday, Feb. 14
3:21 p.m. - Complainant reported a fake special guest of university parking permit.
(if your going to fake a permit ... fake a commuter, non commuter, or staff tag, not a special guest of the university one. special guest is too out of the ordinary and therefore spotted more easily.)

Wednesday, Feb. 16
3:02 p.m. - Complainant reported that his backpack had been stolen from the Stokely Athletic Center and later turned up at the music building. Bag was recovered and nothing was missing.
(i'm not sure they recovered the right bag ... see below)

3:40 p.m. - Complainant requested to see an officer concerning the theft of his book bag from the music building.

Wednesday, Feb. 23
7:45 p.m. - Officer working ballgame traffic at Volunteer Boulevard requested a beat officer to see him. He had two parties about to get in a fight.
(what does a "beat officer" do during a fight? beat the subjects up?)

Tuesday, Feb. 29
10 p.m. - Complainant reported a group of males parading around Presidential Court with lit torches.
(subjects later seen frozen as a statue at circle park.)

Wednesday, March 1
11:26 p.m. - Papa John's driver reported the theft of pizza. Officer was dispatched but was unable to locate the subject upon arrival.
(Papa John's driver later admits he was hungry and couldn't stand the temptation to eat the pizza and then cover his butt by calling the police and reporting its theft.)

Thursday, March 2
3:31 a.m. - 911 reported attempted suicide. Ambulance and officer were dispatched. Officer reported subject did not attempt suicide, but subject had committed vandalism. Subject was then cited for vandalism and underage consumption of alcohol.
(since subject wasn't able to commit suicide the first go around, officer decided to give them more of reason to.)

Monday, Mar. 6
11:58 a.m. - 911 requested a check be made due to a hang-up call. The number was a fax machine. Parties dialed 9 for an outside line and 1 for long distance and 1 for out of country code, and called 911 accidentally.
(whoops....)

Friday, March 10
1:50 a.m. - Complainant stated that two male subjects were asking female residents for phone numbers and were going upstairs at random. Subjects were escorted off UT property and were told to never come back.
("... told never to come back ..." what if later on they wanted to attend UT? are the police denying their rights to attend the school of their choice?)

Sunday, March 12
4:05 a.m. - Officer was out at Pi Kappa Alpha house with a suspicious vehicle whose engine was running in the middle of the road.
(if the engine is running in the middle of the road, makes you wonder where the rest of the car is. officer later attended english class and learned the sentence should have read "Officer was out at Pi Kappa Alpha house with a suspicious vehicle  in the middle of the road whose engine was running.")

Tuesday, March 14
1:31 p.m. - Complainant requested to see an officer at his vehicle on the third level of the G-7 garage concerning the theft of doors from the vehicle while it was parked on level 4.
(number 1, i hope this vehicle was a jeep of some sort ... else how did the doors get stolen. number 2, why did they move the vehicle from level 4 to level 3.)

Saturday, April 1
3:16 p.m. - Complainant reported a subject had passed out in the from yard of Mrs. Winner's chicken restaurant. Subject checked OK. KPD arrested the subject and UTPD assistance was completed.
("...passed out in from .." need we go to english class again.)

10:48 p.m. - Officer was requested to Hess Hall to pick up some confiscated alcohol. Only one bottle was confiscated. It was disposed of by the officer.
(just how was it disposed of?)

Tuesday, April 18
2:25 a.m. - Guard reported a suspicious vehicle driving slowly in the White Avenue Garage. Officers were dispatched.
(maybe subject was observing speed limits in the garage and looking for a parking space.)

Tuesday, April 18
7:38 a.m. - Officer was requested to Reese Hall due to illegal parking. Officer responded and two vehicles were pulled into impound.
(it is the push, pull, or drag impound yard.)

8:45 a.m. - Officer was out at Hess Hall with a parking problem. Several vehicles were pulled to impound.
(the push, pull, or drag impound strikes again.)

Friday, April 21
10:45 a.m. - A complainant reported that a five foot plastic stork with a long yellow beak, long yellow legs and eyeglasses was stolen from outside Dan's Gallery on Kingston Pike. The complainant requested UTPD to be on the lookout for the item.
(shouldn't be hard to spot.)

Monday April 24
8:13 a.m. - Officer reported an incident at Kroger's grocery store.
(just kinda curious about this one. just what was the utpd officer doing at kroger? i hope he was on break, considering the closest kroger is several miles from campus. also, given the distance from campus to kroger, why wasn't kpd called in.)