Tuesday, SEPT. 8 
2:48 a.m.--Officer advised he would be out with an intoxicated individual at 19th Street and Cumberland Avenue. 
(while i know this is meaning that they officer would be leaving his vehicle and wanted to report to what was going on before hand ...... i just find the way that it is worded to be funny ...... sounds like the officer is just hanging out with the drunk or whatever) 

Thursday, SEPT. 10
(tales from the never ending camp out known as the line for ut-florida tickets)
2:45 a.m.--Officer advised that he had confiscated some alcohol at the University Center ticket line.

4:39 a.m.--Officer advised he confiscated an ID at the UC. 

Friday, SEPT. 11 
1:10 a.m.--Guard advised he ejected a person for rollerblading inside the Hodges Library. 
(could this be proof of what happens when all the skateboarders and rollerbladers are harassed for jumping desks at humanities ... they go across the street to the library)

Saturday, SEPT. 12 
3:14 a.m.--Officer advised he would be out at Andy Holt waiting for an individual who had been warned to stay off campus. 
(This causes me to wonder what kind of psychic powers UTPD officers have ...... if the individual was warned to stay off campus ... why and how does this officer figure this individual is going to magically appear at Andy Holt while the officer is out waiting)

Tuesday, SEPT. 15 
1:32 a.m.--Complainant stated that five white males from the Kappa Alpha house stole a large tree from the Phi Sigma Kappa house. 
(national lampoons christmas vacation comes early this year for the KA's ..... "it's all part of the experience, russ")
4:57 a.m.--Officer was flagged down and told about a person on the ground between Grand and Forest Avenues. The subject was told to move. 

Saturday, SEPT. 19 
2 p.m.--Complainant reported the phone card machine in the Greve front lobby was smoking. She requested to see an officer. 
(please join the fight and stop underage phone card smoking)

3:18 p.m.--Complainant reported a fight in progress at the counseling center.
(my thoughts... a little anger management at the counseling center would have done wonders)

Sunday, SEPT. 20 
1:10 a.m.--Officer was out at South Stadium Drive with a party selling alcohol. 
(UTPD officers stop to join in the victory celebration after UT beats florida and why not make some money on the side and sell some beer)

2:24 a.m.--Cameras were stolen from the goalpost at the stadium. 
(you mean it took cbs this long to realize their camera's were broke and being paraded down the strip with the rest of the goalpost)

Friday, SEPT. 25 
12:52 p.m.--Complainant reported a white male in the restroom fourth floor at Glocker. 
(hey, didn't know going to the bathroom in the middle of the afternoon was such a crime.......) 

Monday, SEPT. 28 
6:30 p.m.--Complainant stated during a fire alarm test at Apartment Residence Halls he entered an apartment and in plain view were three snakes, three iguanas, three lizards and a hamster. 
(and in a bold move, someone opened knoxville zoo in their apartment ... on another note, this sounds like a couple of people that was on my dorm floor my freshman year at UT)

Friday, OCT. 9 
3:30 a.m.--Student requested officer due to someone entering his room and stealing the shoelaces from his shoes and the batteries from his remote control in Reese Hall. 

Sunday, Nov. 1 
1:08 p.m.--Officer advised there were pumpkins on the torch at Circle Park.

8:29 p.m--Complainant advised the family of the person who was arrested earlier had arrived and were asking a lot of questions. 

Tuesday, NOV. 3 
6:58 a.m.--Complainant stated that outside the Catholic Center there was a large group of people gathered in the front that appeared to be fighting. 
(which is the most correct statement about the group of people? 
a) catholic vs. protestant 
b) catholic vs. street preachers 
c) catholic vs. catholic ... how much power should the pope really have? 
d) celebrity death match ... jesus vs. virgin mary ... virgin mary wins, but jesus comes back to life three days later for the rematch ... which he wins 
e) tennessee fans vs. notre dame fans .......... just who should be where in the b.s. (b.c.s.) poll 
f) all of the above) 

Wednesday, NOV. 4 
10:23 a.m.--Complainant stated the people at the white house across from the Student Health Services were causing a disturbance. The suspects were hitting golf balls from there front lawn on to the HPER building. 
(four!!!)

Friday, NOV. 6
12:26 a.m.--KPD requested assistance with a fight in progress between two houses on Lake Avenue.
(didn't know houses could fight each other?????? ... and the colonial style throws a right into its competitor and the foundation is rocked)

Saturday, NOV. 7 
10:10 p.m.--Complainant reported an individual juggling fire in the Presidential Courtyard. 

Saturday, NOV. 21
10:27 p.m.--Hall director advised a male subject walked into the lobby, asked him if he wanted to smoke some marijuana, handed him a bag filled with a green leafy substance, and sat down in the lobby at Hess Hall.
(dude must have been really messed up, don't ya think?)