By Larry

Here are the final things to ponder, bringing it on home to an even 300,
despite your editing....which point you will get in a moment.  Enjoy.

295  Are the people who were in charge of building the bridge in Hazzard
County also put in charge of the construction on I-40 West in Knoxville?
296  Why can't Jonathan ever number my ponderings right (especially 247
and 271, which don't make sense unless the numbers beside them are
correct)?
297  Can one break a string playing air guitar?
298  Why are some of my best ponderings cut off?
299  How come Kenny can die in every episode of South Park and still be in
the next one?
300  Who would win in a Mack Fight between Mack Daddy and Daddy Mack and
would they make you jump in the end?
301  What ever happened to Jesus' brothers and sisters?  Did they open a
wholesale hardware shop for carpenters(oh yeah, I forgot.  One of the
Carpenters is now dead)?
302  Why do freshmen seem to get dumber and dumber each year after your own
freshman year?
303  Where do all those Baptist churches get those catchy slogans for their
signs?  Baptist writers' central?
304  What do they sell in the Ox Yoke Antique store near Greenbrier?  Forgot to
ask you when I saw the sign a few weeks ago
305  Why do mothers always tell their sons to be good and careful when they leave to go somewhere?
306  If one has perpetual problems, are there any eternal solutions?
308 (I Think) Why is it that men will complain it's hot and women will complain
that it's cold, when the temperature stays the same (whether at 72 or 98.6)?
309-314 pondering why these are MIA?
315  If love is like a battlefield, then am I losing the war?
316  What is the true meaning of Austin 3:16?
317  Why is hair washing an important part of many women's nights when they are
single?
318  If God works in mysterious ways, and she moves in mysterious ways (think
U2), then does this explain why some people think that God is a woman?  (Stan:
I want to be a woman)
319  Pondering how many ways a guy can be turned down by a woman
320  Did Eve ever play Adam off against another guy?
321  Pondering how it can rain about 2-3 times a week and still be below normal
for the year
322  Whatever happened to the vicious Chicken of Bristol?
323  Isn't the feminist slogan, I am woman, hear me roar, just repeating the
obvious, as any guy will tell you after an argument with his girlfriend?
324  If one has the seven year itch, expecially for sex, does that make that
person a Vulcan?
325  Are Chewbacca and Kenny related, since they both speak kinda weird?
326  Am I pondering like the Energizer Bunny?
327  Is the Energizer Bunny related to the Easter Bunny and the Killer Rabbit
(too bad Eddie Rabbit is dead)?
328 Why is it that as a person gets more drunk, his/her voice gets much louder?
329  Why is it when you're behind a slow car and you try to pass it, there are
a line of cars approaching - especially when you don't see any cars when there
are double lines?
330 (from class:)  Why are there Braille letters on some ATMs, Drive-Thrus, and
steering wheels?
331  Are there seeing-eye cats for blind cat lovers?
332  Why is it that old people avidly read the obituary section?
333  Why are many parents so eager to get rid of their adult children only to turn around and practically move in (especially mothers) with them soon afterward?
333 1/3  Ponder why I ponder so much...again and again and again...
334  Why do they post Men Working signs at construction sites, when most of the
time the men aren't working?
335  If one gives of one's time, then does that mean that time is freely
transferred?
336 What was the Bridgekeeper's favorite color?  In Living Colour?
337  Why is the Lone Ranger called that, since Tonto is always by his side?
338  Why do people assume a semi-fetal position when they get hurt?  (BTW:
wrote this about 2-3 weeks ago, before your similar ponder)
339  How many bands will actually admit that they're on the 90210 album?
340  If one makes sense to the senseless, then would one then be opening up a
mint for the penniless?
341  Why do I often ask for outside ponder advice?
342  How do we ponder?  (cultural historian pondering here)
343  Plot the correlation between sleazy gas station bathrooms and rubber
machines.  Please state this in the form of a question.
344  Why does A come before B in the alphabet, when in B.A. (Barracus), B comes
before A?
345  Whatever happened to B.A. Barracus while you ponder the above ponder.
346  Why is an undergraduate degree called a Bachelor's degree, when half of
college graduates are women and others are married?
347  Why is it when you buy a new alarm clock, there is a sticker with the time
12:08 on it?  Is there any hidden meaning there?
348  If a partner in a gay "marriage" dies, then is the survivor a widow or a
widower?
349  If you lead a dog to food, can you make it not eat?
350  Since cows are sacred in India, then are fat women (heifers) holy?
351  Was the person who first called TV the "boob tube" watching the Playboy
Channel?
352  Where did the phrase "when the s#!+ hits the fan..." originate from?  Real
life experience?
353  Did Freud ever put the Pleasure Principle into practice?
354  Pondering if anyone else has read all the ponders, plus the special "Too
Hot for the Web Page" ponders not included above. If interested, please send
$19.95 plus shipping and handling (gentle) to:  Too Hot for the Web Page.  P.O.
Box 90210, Capital of Acidia, Acidia  OU812.  Cash is preferred.  Thank you and
drive through.
355  Can someone have a "No Sale" sign pop up in their Sensory Register?
356  Can people with high levels of dopamine be busted for simple possession?
357  Pondering why ponder #11 doesn't happen to women
358  Who came first, the chicken or the hen?
359  Pondering who beside me will check out my sub-web page
360  Do the French celebrate Bastille Day with cookouts, and if so, are there
any snails involved?
361  (From class)  Why do more people misspell on the chalkboard than on
paper?
362  Isn't a concrete idea a paradoxical oxymoron, since ideas can't be
felt, handled, or squeezed like supermarket oranges?  (Mr. Whipple:
Don't squeeze the Charmin!)  Guess that means Fascism isn't squeezably
soft!
363  Pondering why people become automatically Independents at age 24
rather than 21.
364  Whatever happened to Skippy from Family Ties?
365  Why is it that as the years pass, your ex becomes more attractive
while you become more grotesque?
366 (Leap Year Ponder)  If blondes are dumb, then why do many people dye
their hair blond?
367  Is there truly such a thing as Standard American English?
368  (From Brad)  Why do fat men often speak with high-pitched voices,
while fat women speak deeper than most guys?
369  Do Batman and Robin ever see the Bang! Pow! Zow-eee!!! signs while
they're fighting the bad guys during the old TV series?
370  If Superman can pass himself off as Clark Kent by wearing glasses,
then if I dress better and keep wearing my glasses, then can I pass
myself off as being attractive?
371  Why does the Bible put evening before morning, since days are
supposed to begin at 12:00 AM?
372  After the lilies are considered, then what next?
373  Why are many dull books called "Great Books" while many enjoyable books
are called "trash"?
374  Pondering how many ways one can trace their name when they're bored during
class?
375  What language did Adam and Eve speak?
376  Why do boring classes seem to last longer than interesting ones?
377  If time flies while one is having fun, then does that mean that time is
airborn?
378  Who was the first mime?
379  If baseballs are juiced, can one then squeeze their lemon?
380  If the killer in me is the killer in you, then what about my Inner Beavis?
381  Why am I most productive (in writing these ponders) when I'm bored?
382  If I repeated a ponder, would anyone notice (see #167 & #197)?
383  What was Dee Snider taking that made him say that he won't going to take
it anymore?
384  Is Frankie still relaxing after going to Hollywood (think 80s)?
385  If someone showed up dressed as Elmo at a Halloween party, could that
person then be tickled?
386  If I paid attention in class, would I then care?
387  How can one pay attention, since no money is involved?
388  Do women have foot (not Foote) fetishes?
389  (editor's note.........to see this ponder please send your money today to receive "Too
Hot for the Web Page" ponders.) If interested, please send $19.95 plus shipping and handling (gentle) to:  Too Hot for the Web Page.  P.O. Box 90210, Capital of Acidia, Acidia  OU812.  Cash is preferred.  Thank you and drive through.......(on second thought just e-mail Larry.)
390  If I ponder at the rate that I ponder now, will there be no more things to
ponder?
391  Since I'm still pondering, does that mean that ponders are infinite in
quantity, if not in quality?
392  Were the Divynals(sp.?) in touch with their feminine sides when they
touched themselves?
393  Was Superman a bully in elementary school, since he was stronger than
everyone else?
394  Do they still make Tab Colas?
395  Pondering if my seven years of college is the result of a broken mirror.
396  If time can be wasted, then can time be drunk?
397  Why is it that no matter how hard I try, I still get bored in psychology
classes?
398  What does the number 69 mean to numerologists?
399  Why do slow drivers drive in bunches?
400  If I refuse to go out with anyone, then will women try to go out with me?
401  (From my mom)  If I make a grilled cheese sandwich, will I eat it?
402  How come a locker room can smell the same regardless if it is the first
day of practice or the week before playoffs?
403  Is being patted on the butt a form of ritual greeting for football
players?
404  If I say something stupid, then is my Inner Blonde speaking?
405  Does a Freudian slip of the tongue refer to oral pleasures?
406  Why do old women slouch over in their cars until you can barely see them?
407  If a mime has sex, will he later brag about it to his silent friends?
408  Who gets paid less for their labor, sweatshop workers for Kathie Lee or
high school football managers?
409  Did abortive relationships used to be outlawed?  (and no, they didn't use
Formula 409 to cause this)
410  Why are larger gauge shotguns less powerful than lower gauge ones?
411  (editor's note.........to see this ponder please send your money today to receive "Too
Hot for the Web Page" ponders.) If interested, please send $19.95 plus shipping and handling (gentle) to:  Too Hot for the Web Page.  P.O. Box 90210, Capital of Acidia, Acidia  OU812.  Cash is preferred.  Thank you and drive through.......(on second thought just e-mail Larry.)
412  Has anyone noticed that the effect of MTV's bad videos on viewership?  I
mean, look, I know there has to be at least one decent video, so I watch more
(and more and more...)bad videos to see the good one.  Diabolical plan, isn't
it?
414  If I ponder something that is so simple to understand that even those without a clue
understand them, then is it really worth pondering?
415 (Personal Experience)  Why is it that when many people get close to finishing off a
two liter coke bottle, they instead open a new one and leave the other one to get flat?
416  If it’s been a long time since Led Zeppelin rocked and rolled, and KISS rocks and
rolls every night and parties every day, then is KISS a better rock and roll band?
413  Why do many hotel buildings refuse to have a floor 13?
417  Why is it that the faster you want to go driving, the slower the people in front of you
actually go?
418  If all things happen in threes, then what about threesomes....like Three’s Company?
419  If Don Knotts was your apartment manager and you’re a guy, would you act like
you’re gay (Sir Lancelot:  no, I’m not) in order to shack up?
420  What is the meaning behind the 4:20 signs you see at many wrestling shows these
days?
421  If something spontaneously combusted, would it be unexpected?
422  Was the thinker dude statue impotent or is he being slandered by the press ads?
423  If six turns out to be nine, then would one go in through the out door?
424  (From Pink Elmo Dude ... see Pics for explanation) Isn’t commercials advertising “added reward bonus” kinda redundant?
425  Was Pink Elmo Dude originally white, but then washed with reds?
426  Why do we tape things off of TV when we're watching them, and then never
re-watch them?
427  Do dead people experience a near-life experience?
428  Why is it, that no matter how fast your modem is, there is all too often a
long load time for webpages?
429  Why do many churches (Methodist, Episcopalians, Catholics) have special
colors (Green for Pentecost) on their alters at different points in the Church
calendar?
430  Have you ever noticed that those who dress differently and claim to be
expressing their individuality tend to hang together and form their own
cliques?
431  Has anyone ever sold a yard in a yard sale and if so, was it three feet?
432  Isn't the phrase "under the weather" meaningless, since all people,
whether in good health or in ill, are at the same time when they are outside
under climatical conditions known as weather?
433  Why does hair for guys tend to migrate in a form of Hair Osmosis from
desirable places (top of head) to unwanted ones (back hair, nose hair, etc.)?
434  How many steps are there on the Hill?
435  Why do we all too often fall in love with those who are unwilling to
respond?
436  Isn't there a Catch-22 in that when we try to stop our depression by going
on the net, we become more depressed due to the physiological/psychological
factors connected with the web?
437  Why do those who never have actually done a task (like teaching) often
consider themselves experts in the field?
438  Why do dorms sometimes go through a period (already determined in advance)
where there will be no hot water for about 1-2 hours?
439  Ponder the meaning and power of the Llamalord.
440  Pondering if soundtracks are made to support movies or are movies made to
support soundtracks?
441  Does the phrase "second thought" constitute a thought re-run?
442  Isn't the term Media Center kinda redundant and pointness, since in Latin
"media" means the middle, or the midst of?  I'm going to the midst of the
center just doesn't seem to make any sense to me, does it to you?
443  Why do instructional videos always seem to include cheesy synthesizer
music?
444  Are there any who claim that instead of being Old School or New School,
they are Middle School?
445  What is the .56%  impurity in Ivory Soap and does it make it float?
446  What are the political ramifications of the formation of the musical
group the Meat Beat Manifesto?
447  Is cutting the rug a misdemeanor?
448  What was Hitler's middle name?
449  I've been reading passages from Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil and
came across the following quote:
"Today the man of knowledge might well feel like God become animal."
Does this mean that men of knowledge feel like they're the next thing to
God on earth, or does that mean that they believe that they are being treated
worse than their due, since God is superior to the unclean animals?
450  Did Adam ever go through a second childhood?
451  Since orientation deals with points on a map, can sexual orientation be determined by a compass?
452  How ugly is all get out (uglier than all get out)?
453a.d.  Doesn't the phrase "yo b***h" reflect badly on the user, since "yo" is Spanish for I?  I b***h?
453b.c.  Pondering why my missing ponders aren't on milk cartons.
454  Do the people who ever appear on the local dating hotline ads ever actually use those lines themselves?
455  Why are graveyards also known as resting places?
456  Continuing along this morbid line, why are graveyards considered to be great places to get drunk and have sex? 
457  What is the relationship between plasticity and appearances on Baywatch?
458  If Channel 4 news was really working for me (or you), would I have to pay them wages?
459  Aren't ads for "we'll take you into the mind of a ..." silly, since one would have to be really small to go into the mind of anything?
460  Is there a relationship between the number of things pondered and a lack of a stable relationship?
461  If nice guys finish last, how many people were competing?
462  Have the people who wrote "The Bible Code" ever used it on the Book of Mormon, or for that matter, the Book of Armaments?
463  Why can't old people drive their age instead of their IV injections?
464  Why do people often laugh when they're sad and cry when they're happy?
465  What was Hitler's middle name?  Rufus???
466  How many people would actually drive their sports utility vehicles up to a mountaintop?
467  If breaking up is so hard to do, then why do many girls have an easy time doing it to me?
468  Why do they call a grieving session for the dead a wake, since that's the least likely thing a dead person will do anytime soon?
469  What is the deep inner meaning behind the Francine 4:69 signs on ECW broadcasts?
470  {Another one of the Too Hot for the Web Page Ponders.  Please send $4.69 to Llamalord, Inc, c/o Yomama, Spincterville, MS 90210}
471  If Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose, then am I free, or can only losers truly be free?
472  What ever happened to Shep and the Limelites?
473  Instead on pondering on who invented the wheel, who instead invented the word "wheel"?
474  If I told you once, I told you twice --am I in my own personal re-run deja vu?
475  (From Job 39:)  Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
476  What length is a rod and is its length exaggerated?
477  If there truly are people worse off than you or better than you out there, then do these people ever meet each other?
478  If Time is On My Side (think Stones), then why does Time fly when I'm having fun?
479  Why do people who talk the most often have the least bit to say?
480  What does God do for fun?
481  Assuming that every bit in the Bible is important, can't one make the argument that the most important verse might also be the shortest one (John 11:35)?
482  With the bad edits done to my ponder list, do you feel like you're being cheated like when one buys a half-full (or empty) bag of potato chips?
483  Related to above:  Has settling ever occurred to this page's ponders?
484  How far and how fast does one go on an acid trip and can one sue the driver when they have a crash?
485  Since flatuence releases methane into the atmosphere, then are bean burritos contributing to global warming?
486  Doesn't the phrase "You have to kiss @$$ in order to stay ahead" have it all @$$-backwards?
487  (From Ecclesiastes 3:9:)  What does the worker gain from his toil?
488  Why is the top fluffy sheet like thing on a bed called a comforter, when all it does is make me hot and uncomfortable?
489  Why are the people who are bested suited for each other often the least likely to get together?
490  Why are one's feet cold when the rest of the body when in bed is often hot?
491  If there truly is Hell to pay, will Hell take a check?
492  Why do we tend to forget about the things we really want to remember and remember the things we want to forget?
493  Is a sound bite worse than its bark?
494  Why are child-proof caps so difficult for adults to open?
495  How come movie producers make crappy remakes of great movies instead of great remakes of crappy movies?
496  With all the Real World - Road Rules specials, is MTV trying to produce an inbreeding project?
497  What is the purpose of smegma?
498  How come women don't understand the real meaning behind calling a bathroom a restroom?
499  If pigs could fly, would they dive bomb cars like pigeons?
500  Pondering if any of my 500 ponders has made a difference.