Things
to Ponder (1-250)
By Larry1 If storks deliver babies, then where do storks come from? 2 If mimes spoke, what would they say? 3 Why do men have nipples? 4 What purpose does an appendix serve? 5 What is the true relationship between the birds and the bees? 6 If silence can be deafening, does that mean that noise can be mute? 7 Do chimps have multiple personalities? 8 If life exists on other planets, would plaid be cool? 9 What's so bad about dirt anyway? 10 Do blind people have beauty standards? 11 Why does underwear invariably become stained? 12 Do llamas mate for life? 13 How come Pauly Shore can appear (but not act) in movies, and I can't? 14 If personality is a good feature, then how come people with a good personality rarely go out with someone attractive? 15 Why are men told to get in touch with their feminine sides, but women never are told to get in touch with their masculine sides? 16 Why do dogs sniff everyone's tail? 17 How would anarchists govern themselves? 18 Why do some words have two meanings while politician's words mean nothing? 19 If I experienced Deja Vu, would I be sued? Again? 20 If Jack Sprat could eat no fat, and his wife no lean, would that be grounds for divorce due to irreconcilable differences? 21 Why do deer like to stare at headlights? 22 Why do people complain that they've been treated like a dog, when many dogs are treated better than people? 23 Has anyone ever found out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Toostie Roll Pop? 24 Now why again was Jack jumping over that candlestick? 25 Why is poop brown? 26 Why does the postman knock twice when the mailbox is outside? 27 Why do sportscasters use the same phrases over and over again? 28 What do boring people do for entertainment? 29 What happens to foreskins after surgery? 30 If the best things in life are free, and there is no such thing as a free lunch, does anyone else here see an inherent paradox? 31 Why do cheerleaders at a basketball game scatter when a ball goes out of bounds? 32 Why have they never installed seatbelts on the Enterprise? 33 If the lame leaped for joy, wouldn't that hurt them more? 34 Could one chart relationships using the supply-demand model? 35 Do blondes have more fun or are they so stupid that they just can't help themselves even though the world sucks? 36 Where do the people living in Daytona go for vacation? 37 If all dogs go to heaven, where do cats stay? 38 Exactly how many ways can one skin a cat? 39 Who thought of all those bar pick-up lines? 40 What happens to MTV V-Jays when they get old? 41 What does "MMM-Bop" really men? Marilyn M. Manson? 42 What would Karl Marx say about high school society? 43 If crime doesn't pay, then why do politicians prosper? 44 Would Patrick Henry get liberty or death today in an age of zero tolerance? 45 Isn't "common sense" a meaningless phrase, since it is neither common nor makes sense to most? 46 If common is bad, what does this make common sense? 47 What is the relationship between the color blue and depression? 48 If religion is a set of beliefs about the afterlife, doesn't that make atheism a religion? 49 Whatever happened to Donnie Wahlberg? 50 Why are hellos so easy to say, and good-byes so hard to do? 51 Why do coaches slap their players on the butt, especially when they make a good play? Doesn't that hurt them? 52 How does one buy the stairway to heaven? 53 Why have some of the greatest thoughts come when one is in the bathroom? 54 If every man's house is his castle, is the toilet the royal throne? 55 Why are the old days called the good old days? 56 Why are women's hair lengths getting shorter, while the guys' are getting longer? 57 What do those symbols on Proctor and Gamble products really stand for? 58 What is it about a uniform that attracts women to men? 59 Why do virtually all maintenance men's cracks show? 60 What is it about prison that exposes men's gentler, more loving sides? 61 Why do some people admire those who torture themselves in the name of religion, yet condemn those who torture others in the name of religion? 62 Does God play practical jokes? How else can we explain Joey Buttafuco? 63 How much older was Adam than Eve? 64 Do people who have no life seek meaning? 65 Why were llamas put on this planet? 66 Do cows think deep thoughts while chewing their cud? 67 Where can one find Paradise City and does it match its brochure about green grass and pretty girls? 68 Who invented the bra? 69 What type of music do deaf people like? 70 How many times does Bo say "Shoot" in a Dukes of Hazzard episode? 71 If there is nothing new under the sun, then am I old? 72 What is the meaning of Elvis? 73 Was Onan the first to die from sexual misadventure? 74 How do Wookies mate? 75 Why is NASCAR so popular? 76 Why is good tasting food bad for you? 77 Why do some girls claim that they have never farted in their entire lives? 78 Who's a bigger wuss, Danny Bonaduce or Donny Osmond? 79 If the world was full of Kramers, would there be food in the fridge? 80 Why does God work in mysterious ways? 81 Why are people hurt more by those they love than by those they hate? 82 Who was the first brownnoser? 83 Who's had more hair changes, Madonna or Dennis Rodman? 84 Why are mother jokes so popular? 85 What is the stigma behind mothers wearing combat boots, when everyone seems to be wearing them today? 86 Is Gumby male or female and how do Gumbys reproduce? 87 Why is poop referred to as No. 2? 88 What types of music does God enjoy, besides Joyful Noise? 89 Just how many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man? 90 Who really shot J.R.? 91 How many speeding tickets have the Duke boys gotten? 92 Where do Smurfs come from? Uranus? 93 Who was the first politician and did anyone care? 94 If the world was to end, who would write of its end? 95 If the sky fell, would chickens be hurt? 96 Has anyone ever really given a rat's a** to someone else? 97 Does anyone really care? 98 How do we know that we exist? 99 Did Freud fantasize about his mother and try to pass it off as normal behavior? 100 Is there a No. 1 leaded pencil? 101 How come the thinker dude statue seems to always appear on commercials for impotence or male pattern baldness? 102 Was the nuclear family affected by contamination at Oak Ridge? 103 Why are the only good rock stations in Tennessee on stations 103? 104 Why don't radio stations broadcast at even decimals (e.g. 103.3) 105 Whatever happened to the Brat Pack? 106 Would me having a relationship be one of the signs of the Apocalypse? 107 How do mimes from other countries communicate with each other? 108 If those who seek life shall lose it, and those that lose their life shall gain it, what about those with no life? 109 If I were cloned, would my clone still have relationship problems? 110 If the goal of a truly colorblind society is achieved, would we then have an excuse for running red lights? 111 Does God ponder the meaning of life? 112 If the wages of sin are death, can I be fired from that job? 113 Am I loved? 114 Is it possible to chart a woman's age or lack of beauty by the layers of makeup? 115 What ethnic jokes do Polish people tell? 116 Why do women get old quicker than men, but usually live longer? 117 What happened to all the water from the Great Flood? 118 Why are professional wrestling announcers so surprised at what happens during most wrestling matches? 119 Why is the next pay-per-view wrestling match always called the biggest ever? 120 Why is it that we ponder the meaning of life when life sucks? 121 Why is the center of a dartboard or a target range called a bull's eye? 122 Why was an apple a fatal fruit? 123 Do we possess an a priori, independent existence? 124 Who started the comparisons between making out and baseball, especially since baseball is a long game with little continuous action? 125 So does it taste great, or is it less filling, and if so, who cares? 126 Why is green the color of envy, since it's a nice color? 127 If Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, how did we get here on Earth? 128 If Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, then where do llamas come from? Uranus? 129 Do women write as much bad poetry as men? 130 What are the words to "Informer"? 131 Are the New Kids still "Hangin' Tough"? 132 Why is something that is supposed to be very pleasant, like asking a girl out or proposing to her, so difficult to do? 133 What was the cow on when it jumped over the moon? 134 How many bullets does the Mayberry Police Department have? One? 135 Why do beer commercials show beautiful women, since when many men get drunk, they have sex with some of the ugliest and skankiest women around? 136 Does Big Bird do windows? 137 Why is it that often when things are going well, something bad has to happen? 138 Why do women sit with their legs very close together? Don't they getvery sweaty? 139 How can pharmacists read doctors' handwritings? 140 Why do they say keep the door closed at all times on Fire Exits? 141 Is Mr. Mojo still rising? 142 What breed is Snuffy? 143 How exactly does one get to Sesame Street? 144 Does she still remember times like these to think of us again? 145 If llamas migrate, what would be the consequences? 146 Do llamas have a class-based system of government? 147 If the Hindus are correct and all creatures experience re-incarnation, what do bad cockroaches come back as? Politicians? 148 If Six turned out to be Blossom, would anybody care? 149 Whatever happened to Soft Cell? 150 If Marilyn Manson declared himself to be a Christian, would conservatives have an en masse heart attack? 151 If lightning struck twice in the same spot, would it hurt just as bad? 152 Whatever happened to Studio 64? 153 What does the former Prince's wife call him? 154 If Manson's music is played backwards, would you get a call to worship Jesus? 155 Why do they call it taking a dump, when you're not taking a dump, but leaving a dump? 156 Do you care? 157 Do llamas and pandas think of themselves as superior lifeforms? 158 Why do they call it a blue-light special, when the only blue lights I see are from police cars? 159 Does Mr. Rogers ever update his wardrobe? 160 Why do we dust furniture? 161 Why do we exist? 162 What was the purpose behind Cop Rock? 163 Are you still pondering? 164 Pondering why guys are almost always expected to ask girls out and to be direct with them, while girls can just sit back and actmysteriously 165 If I put the Closed Caption device on, would I be able to understand the words to Informer? 166 Does the Book of Mormon come in a NIV edition? 167 If the postman always knocks twice, then how many times does the milkman? 168 If time waits for no one, then is time in a hurry? 169 Are hairy women in touch with their masculine sides? 175 Ponder where the numbers 170-174 went to. 176 What day of the week did God create trig? After you finish reading Larry's list...go to things that make you go hmmmmm.... by Footey to understand why God made trig. 177 Why do we walk like we drive when we go down stairs--you know, stay to the right and the fast people pass on the left? 178 What types of fruit go into juicy fruit? 179 What did God do on the eighth day? 180 What is the purpose of those extra referees in wrestling brawls? 181 If the band KISS rock and rolls all day, and parties every night, when do they sleep? 182 If the hell is really scared out of you, does that mean you're going to heaven? 183 Are gays really happy? 184 Are people with multiple personalities really capable of multitasking? 185 If the Spirit speaks to us and moves us, does that mean that the Spirit acts as a mime to me? 186 Why do we dance? 187 Is it instinctual for people to have a blank stare when they are in unfamiliar territory? 188 Do people ever mark their places in unfamiliar territory like dogs? 189 Why do towns have a Main Street but never a Secondary Street? 190 If one was to actually go the whole nine yards, wouldn't one be a yard short? (For the sportually challanged...think about football) 191 If it really is "something to die for," then why aren't more people dead? 192 Why is it that when you get older, your ears grow but your hearing becomes worse? 193 Who was the idiot who came up with the Mentos commercials? 194 Why are some of the dumbest animals (cows, celebrities) the ones who can also look thoughtful at the same time? 195 What would conspiracy theorists and/or religious conservatives say about the state of MTV's buzz bin today? 196 How come in all the Dukes of Hazzard episodes, they have never fixed that washed-out bridge that the Duke boys have to jump over? 197 If the postman knocks twice, then how many times does the milkman? 198 If time waits for no one, then is time in a hurry? 199 Why are celebrities celebrities? 200 Is the person who first tried out Jawbreakers candy now permanently maimed? 201 If one has too much time on one's hands, does that mean that that person is too greedy (e.g. Bill Gates)? 202 Isn't obsessive-compulsive behavior a contradictory phrase? Since obsessive revolves around a conscious desire to repeat and control, and compulsive actions usually occur on a moment's whim, how can one be both meticulous and careful in their actions and at the same time be flippantand whimiscal? Does anyone else here see an inherent paradox? 203 Since he doesn't really speak that much in the movie, can ET be considered an alien mime? 204 How come the Texas Insturment computer ET used could make an interglactic phone call and my TI calculator can't give me the correct answer to a calculus graph problem? 205 Do tobacco rolling plants forbid smoking? 206 If God were one of us, as Joan Osbourne asks, would He complain about the obnoxious street preachers? Would they tell Him that He was going to hell? 207 Do people between the time they die and the time of the Resurrection have any memories or sensations? 208 Why do women look good in men's clothing, but men never really look good wearing anything remotely feminine? 209 What breed of dinosaur is Barney? A Wussiesaurus? 210 Why do little kids sing songs about spiders crawling up waterspouts? Is there some deep, inner meaning that we adults miss? 211 Whatever happened to Yahoo Serious? 212 ponder why i (Footey) refuse to renumber the pondering larry has sent me. 224 Why is it that gas stations list their prices with a 9/10 cent ending. For example $1.199. I think the same principle applies to foodprices ($1.99 instead of $2.00). 225 Why do many full-size vans have curtains in the back? 226 Why do they call it rush hour traffic, when that is the hour in which traffic often comes screeching to a halt, and rushing through it is the last thing that people can do? 227 How many fratboys can fit into block seating? 228 Where do Muppets come from? 229 If a mime farts, is it silent? 230 Can Milli Vanilli be considered mimes, since they didn't actually sing, but instead silently acted like they were? 231 Can fratboys be holding back evolution? Since one of the things necessary to prevent specialization and mutation is the spread of genes randomly, can Frat parties be considered mass mating societies by a segment of the population? 232 Is Chewbacca an exhibitionist, since in all the Star Wars movies, he's not wearing any clothes? 233 (Relevant to today) Why are tests such an important part of education, considering that most will forget ninety percent of what is on the test? (Example: I used to be able to do trig, now I can hardly do addition) 238 Whatever happened to Natalie from the Facts of Life? 237 What would a cooked Smurf taste like? Chicken? 239 Why have I never seen those ushers in movie theaters that, according to the announcement on the screen, will direct me to the nearest exit incase of a fire? 240 History-related theme: Is there a historiography of historiography out there, and if so, how many historians argue against this historiographical historiography? 241 How do turkeys celebrate Thanksgiving? 242 What would a council of airheads debate? Peroxide versus highlights? 243 Whatever happened to Gannon Goodson? (Gannon for three, YES!) 244 When are you going to put anything new up? 245 How does one make their brown eyes blue? 246 Whatever happened to Bow Wow Wow? Need some candy? 247 Pondering if Mary and Joseph counted down the shopping days remaining until Jesus was born. This is a very special ponder list, as I have pondered at one time or another a quarter thousand things to ponder (or for some out there, things not to ponder) Of course, at the rate things are going, the people who check out the web page (the two of us and Ted Katzinski (sp?)) might have to wait until the Heaven's Gate People take us to the next level. Hmmm.... 248 Were the Heaven's Gate people fond of using basketball cliches? Namely, "he's taken his game to a whole new level"? 249 What is the deep meaning behind supermodels? 250 What would happen if sh!# didn't happen? |
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