Below is a checklist of violent and controlling behaviors developed by Men Stopping Violence, a treatment program for men accused of abusive behavior. However, women can also exhibit these same behaviors.

Violent and Controlling Behaviors Checklist

Physical Violence

Slap, punch, grab, kick, choke, push, restrain, pull hair, pinch, bite
Rape (use of force, threats to get sex)
Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which scare your partner
Abuse of furniture, things in the home, pets, destroying his/her things
Intimidation (standing in the doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of size to intimidate, standing over your partner, recklessly driving)
Uninvited touching
Threats (verbal or nonverbal, direct or indirect)
Harassment (uninvited visits or calls, following your partner around, checking up on your partner, embarassing him/her in public, not leaving when asked)
Isolation (preventing or making hard for your partner to see/talk to friends, relatives, others)
Other (please list)

Psychological and Economic Abuse

Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, using angry expressions or gestures
Criticism (name-calling, swearing, mocking, put-downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, use of trivializing words or gestures)
Pressure tactics (rushing him/her to make decisions, using guilt/accusations, sulking, threatening to withhold financial support, manipulating chilren, abusing feelings)
Interrupting, changing topics, not listening, not responding, twisting her words, going on and on)
Economic coercion (withholding money, the car, or other resourcesl sabotaging your partner's attempts to work)
Claiming "the truth," being the authority, deining his/her behavior, using "logic"
Lying, withholding information, infidelity (having sex with others)
Using pornography (e.g. magazines, movies, strip shows, home videos, etc.)
Witholding help on childcare/housework; not doing your share or following through on your agreements
Emotional withholding (not expressing feelings, not giving support, valdiation, attention, compliments, respect for your partner's feelings, rights and opinions)
Not taking care of yourself (not asking for help or support from friends, abusing drugs or alcohol, being a "people pleaser")
Other forms of manipulation (please list)

People do not tolerate these behaviors in the outside world. They should not be tolerated in the home. Treatment is available to create other options for relationships. If you are seeking help for violent and/or controlling behaviors, print this checklist and take it to a qualified mental health professional. You can also reach Men Stopping Violence at (404)688-1376