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Dax Montana

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Saturday, June 28, 2003

At the tone...Please leave a Message

The National Do Not Call Registry is open. Everyone please sign in to a National Database. You want your government to be able to track your phone calls don’t you? If you can’t already guess, I won’t be signing up. After all, what are caller ID and an answering machine for? Just Damn!

posted by Dax Montana 7:54:13 AM

Ironic

While making that drive to work, I was stopped at traffic light #5. There were four or five people with orange vests and buckets begging for money. The bucket said something about homeless people. As I waved my beggar off, she gave me a very sarcastic, “God Bless you.” As there were no cars behind me, she was forced to stand by my car and listen to Rush Limbaugh rant about how the underclass isn’t deserving of Government welfare dollars. I had to smile and appreciate the Irony.


posted by Dax Montana 5:32:12 AM

Passing

Strom Thurmond has past. I’m not really sure how I feel about that. I know the next few days will be spent reading and learning about him and his life.

Lester Maddox has past away too. That saddens me. I liked Lester Maddox. He was a colorful character. I was to young to know about the segregation issues surrounding him but I thought it was very cool to watch him ride a bicycle backwards. It doesn’t take much to impress a kid. I met the former Governor a little over a year ago. He came into the restaurant I used to work in. He was very sick, but he was still vibrant and colorful. Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 4:58:01 AM

Movin' on

I just had to break out a big grin at Phillip Coons.

“For no particular reason, I was really hoping that after 100 days without a drink that Dax Montana would go for 200, 300...and so on. JUST DAMN!!! “

The thing is…he’s right! I hate to admit it and maybe I wouldn’t have had I not been drinking tonight. I now remember why I quit to begin with. Oh well, there is something to be said for moderation.

Phillip, I appreciate your concern, but I had achieved my goal and it’s time for me to move on. By the way, good use of “Just Damn!”


posted by Dax Montana 4:45:07 AM

Finally!

Blogger is back up! Of course, I'm stuck at work and not able to post much.
I would be remiss if I didn't state that the Carnival is up over at A Single Southern Guy's Site.

I guess I should also add that Jagermeister is some evil shit! I like it! Just Damn!

posted by Dax Montana 6:54:40 PM

A Toast

I’m sitting down with and old friend and a few new ones. I look longingly and lovingly into the glass. Watching the condensate drip effortlessly down the sides of the frosting tumbler leaving a smallish round wet ring on the desk. Ice cubes slowly floating the melting dance on the dark elixir’s surface. When the cubes gently clink together, the sound echoes like a young boy’s first kiss. The faint wisps of oak and mash linger in the air. The scent of autumn and warmth fill my flaring nostrils. The chilly wet glass fits my hand like the clasp of an old friend. It’s time, or is it time’s up?

I decided to share my first drink in 100 days with you. I could have waited until tomorrow and partied with my work pals, but it seems more appropriate to share the experience with my virtual friends.

So go get your libations…I’ll wait………

I raise my shaky glass to you. May you accomplish all you set out to achieve? Without dreams we would all be …err… very irritable. (It’s been so long I don’t know if I can actually do this. Ahh, who am I kidding?)

Ummmm! The sweet warmth of Wild Turkey gently burns the back of my throat. Why on Earth did I ever wait so long? Just Damn! That’s Smoooth!




posted by Dax Montana 11:32:42 PM

Not Again?

I know…I know…I’ve gone off the deep end lately with all the conspiratorial ranting on Big Brother, The New World Order, and general Paranoia. Oh well, that’s just a phase he’s going through. Here’s the catalyst that set me off this past week.






I know there is no vast conspiracy brought about by the Illuminati, et al. I know that the Veterinarian advertising in the picture above only wants to help stray pets find their way back to their rightful owners. He also is using the advancements in technology to advance his own capitalist ideals.

But what if?

What if microchip technology is expanded to humans? Yea, sure it’s in our clothing tags and our pets. When will it be expanded to our kids? Schools mandate Ritalin for ADD kids. How about mandating a microchip? Of course it will be used only for good reasons. Your kids will never be lost or stolen again. Especially now that some government officials want to fingerprint scan children for school lunches. Imagine, you could be the first on the block with children equipped with “On Star” technology. I can’t wait to get my bumper sticker, “ My kid is an “On Star” student at Gov’t Elementary.” Just Damn!


posted by Dax Montana 6:19:14 PM

Take My Gun…Please!

I was hanging out with the guys this past Friday. Papa D’s 4-wheeler wouldn’t start. Knowing just enough about the internal combustion engine to be dangerous, I stated it was either spark or fuel. Checking for gas, it was suddenly discovered that it must be spark, or the lack of it causing the difficulty. Being good ole boys, we each took out our pocketknives or leather man tool and proceeded to commit southern surgery to the machine.

However, that has nothing to do with this post. Doing mechanical work is second nature to us Georgia boys. It’s the idle chatter that I’m commenting on. My brother in law, Todd, kinda still is a bounty hunter. He remarked that he just had to renew is Concealed Weapon Permit. I’d swear he was working on commission the way he way trying to get us all to get one.

The probate judge talked Papa D out of getting a permit, because he felt that if Clinton wanted to pass a law seizing guns, the registered permit holders would be the first to have their guns seized. Needless to say, Clinton Didn’t, Papa D didn’t and we are going to get our permits.

Of course, when rough tough and hard to bluff country boys get together, the would a, could a, should a’s soon follow. “Out of my cold dead fingers,” some one said. Another cry of “over my dead body” was heard. Maybe city folk would get their guns taken away, but country boys would never give up their guns. I looked ‘em dead in the eye and said, “You’ll give ‘em to ‘em and say thank you.”

I used to think about how many mini Waco standoffs would happen if the Government went about the task of disarming the American citizenry. I used to think about it a lot. I figured the easiest way would be the use of the Hegelian Principle.

First step is to create a problem. Second step is to publicize the problem until it is a crisis. Finally offer a solution to the problem. Of course the solution is a little more Freedom lost.

For example, let’s use Terrorism. Terrorists bomb a building, could bomb a building, could spread Anthrax, or whatever. Now let’s publicize the terrorism until it is a national crisis. It’s in the papers and on TV every day. Terrorism, terrorism, terrorists are coming to kill you and your family. Finally the Patriot Act is passed and the American people have even fewer freedoms than before. See, I told you it was easy.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, we were talking about seizing guns. Here’s how my paranoid delusional self envisions gun seizing Government style. Step one and two, Publicize big ole bad guns killing everyone, especially children, kids shooting up schools and suicides. Let’s make ugly guns illegal. They are so ugly people are getting killed looking at them. It’s a media crisis for sure. Laws are passed restricting guns, ammunitions, and handling. (Trigger locks.)
Now that a favorable environment has been created to seize those big ole bad guns, how’s the big gun grab gonna work? I see it kinda like this. Bear with me now.

Have you ever noticed how the Grocery Store empties out of food when snow is forecast? This happens a lot in Georgia. If the “S” word is mentioned in the weather forecast, Milk and Bread evaporates off store shelves. It’s how Southerners are genetically programmed. We have to go to the store for bread and milk. Well, the way I figure it, there is only about three days worth of food in a grocery store any way. Everything in the store today was on a truck three days ago. Grocery stores get their inventory by trucks, not rail or air, but ground transportation.

Have you ever noticed that a Perimeter highway now encircles major metropolitan cities? In Atlanta it’s I-285. Macon has one and so does Athens. Cities and towns are building bypasses all the time. So what does this have to do with guns? Let me continue. Let’s create some emergency. Maybe it’s terrorism. I don’t know. Maybe it’s a Monkey Pox outbreak. Let’s activate Fema and call in the National Guard. Troops surround the major cities via the bypasses and perimeters. They stop looters, and enact curfews, but most of all they stop the trucks. The trucks with food on them heading to the Wal-Mart Super Center.

Ok, now that we have only three days of food left, I’m getting kind of hungry. I might try to get a Big Mac, but McDonalds is closed because they didn’t get their truck either. Well, we got the Monkey Pox, curfews, and No Food, what could possibly be next. How about food rationing? We can all go down to the Federal Emergency Zone Center or Post Office and register for our food rations.

“Mr. Montana, I know your hungry and your wife and babies are hungry too. We’re doing the best we can here, but first can you answer a few questions? It shows on our records that you purchased a gun back in 2003. In this crisis, we need for you to turn in your gun before we can help you get food.”

Yea, I hear you thinking you’ll just lie and say you sold that gun or some such nonsense. Just remember, your hungry, really hungry, because the line you just stood in is ten times as bad as any DMV line you might have waited in. Oh yea, everyone else is hungry, and very irritable too.

Now you know the horror it is to be me. These are the things I lie awake thinking about at night. The boys just stood around the back of the pickup. They thought I was crazy before, now they know it as fact, or do they?


posted by Dax Montana 6:25:23 AM

The Last Day

One day left of my self-imposed sobriety. One day left of reading my whine about how dry I am. One day left of sitting on the side lines while all the big kids get to swim in the pool. 99 days and am ready for that drink. I want the fanfare, the pomp, and the circumstance. I’ll settle for a free drink. Ummm, what to have? Wild Turkey? Jagermeister? Absolut? So many choices.


posted by Dax Montana 4:35:16 AM

The Deep

Just when I’m about to go off the deep end thinking about some New World Order conspiracy, I find a Light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks Robert!


posted by Dax Montana 4:22:54 AM

Just Damn! To the Nth degree!

Work started off pretty smoothly Saturday night. No big events, or takeouts, or employee difficulties to dampen my mood. My shift was just sailing along when the cold chill of Big Brother crept into my spine. While cruising into my office to take a phone call, I happen to glance at the television that monitors the eight satellite receivers and thirty-two TVs in the store. The show COPS was on. I hate that show. Every time I see even a glimpse of the show, I feel my blood start to boil over like some gumbo left unattended on the stove. I just can’t bear to watch the normalization of the violation of civil rights.

Although I only watched maybe five minutes of the bastardization of the constitution, I felt sick and dirty like a bloodthirsty spectator slowing to see the carnage of a highway wreck. I was helpless to do anything for these hapless victims of the insane drug laws that strip citizens of their property. Picture this, if you dare to imagine. Four undercover officers dressed in their best dope dealing costumes accost an unwitting driver at a red light. As soon as the buy was made, the force of heavy-handed government sweeps down on Mister dope head. What came next was the most appalling spectacle of government. The police seize the man’s vehicle and told him that if he buys dope the police seize his personal property and he can then buy it back from the government because it is an old car and the police probably don’t want it. Just Damn! Double Just Damn! All for ten dollars of some shitty dope. He hasn’t even been convicted yet. Makes me sick!

I calm down, smoke a Marlboro, and go about my business. I’m gonna be OK or so I thought. A few hours go by. The restaurant is closed, cleaned, and I’m the only one left in the building. As I’m about to leave, I feel the biological necessity to read. I pick up the latest edition of Creative Loafing and head for the restroom.

The Loafing is a typical left wing radical hippie type rag and therefore perfect for the task I was assigning it. I like the News of the Weird segment. I sat down and started flipping through the paper when I spy this story. I almost crapped my pants, but seeing how I was already crapping, I felt instant relief.

It would seem that the ever-present Drug Seizure Laws have invaded Atlanta and Fulton County.

“Fresh Start, a Fulton County program that began two years ago, uses the power of the DA's office to take property from landlords or homeowners who don't stop drug sales. Howard says he got the idea to force drug dealers to relocate -- and make property owners pay the real price -- after community members complained to him about dealers going unjailed.”

These people haven’t broken any laws, yet their homes are seized by force. To add insult to injury, a photo of a cop who now lives rent free in the seized home accompanies the article. Quadruple Just Damn!

“One of the big questions in Balli's case, a question that can't be answered in the court file, remains: Is it fair to take someone's house -- and all the equity and appreciation built into it -- if that person refuses to kick out her sons? And then there's even a larger question: Should people have their property taken if they themselves have committed no crime?”

Duh! The answer is NO! It’s way past time for Americans to wake up.

Now, I’m thoroughly twisted up in knots reading this story. My stomach is now a seething mass of acid and gas. I felt as if I was gonna give birth to a new planetary solar system. So, do I quit reading? Hell no! Like some masochistic sex slave I cry out to my mistress, “Beat me harder,” and I turn the page.

That’s where I find this story written by former congressman, Bob Barr. It’s bad enough we Georgians have to give up our fingerprints for the Privilege to Drive, (never mind our Constitutionally Protected Right to Travel) but now school kids giving up their prints for a fucking school lunch! Just Damn! To the 10th power!

“Of course, as identified by the bold, forward-looking Akron school board, we now know that one of the most pressing problems facing America today is massive fraud in school-lunch programs. And that the only possible way of addressing this problem is to spend huge amounts of taxpayer money to purchase and put in place a state-of-the-art computerized tracking system triggered by scanning students' fingerprints.”

Give me a Tums, Pepto, Imodium, hell something to make the pain go way. The bile and acid are eating away at the back of my teeth as I puke. I just can’t write anymore. My mind and asshole is in flames. I should’ve never given up drinking. Just Damn! To the Nth degree!


posted by Dax Montana 6:47:25 AM