PRINTED MATTERS
 -=-=-  Greenville Chapter,  S. C. Writers Workshop  -=-=- 
February 2007   Volume: 17.02
The consequences of mispunctuation...have appealed to both great and little minds, and in the age of fancy-that email a popular example is the comparison of two sentences:
A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.

- Lynne Truss, from her Eats, Shoots & Leaves 2007 Day-to-Day Calendar

TABLE TALK

New Statewide SCWW Board Holds First Meeting

The Board of Directors met for the first time this year in Columbia on January 13. New board members include: Steve Heckman, Kevin Coyle, Jim McFarlane, Amy Mercer, and Mary Ann Henry.

This year's officers were elected. Steve Heckman is president, Susan Boyer continues as vice president, and Amy Mercer will serve as secretary. The position of treasurer remains open - anyone who would like to help out is encouraged to get in touch with the board member of your choice.

All the board members may be contacted via e-mail at the addresses listed on the SCWW website under "Fearless Leaders." Please feel free to contact any of them with suggestions, comments, or to volunteer your time. SCWW exists for its members, so become involved!


Volunteers Needed for State Book Festival

SCWW has reserved an exhibitor's table at The South Carolina Book Festival, on February 24-25, at the Convention Center in Columbia. (See www.scbookfestival.org)

Volunteers are needed to man the tables on Saturday and Sunday, morning and afternoon shifts. You will be telling people about SCWW, answering questions, and selling anthologies. Please contact Sandra Johnson or John Migacz if you can spare a morning or afternoon that weekend.

P.S. The Book Fair was great last year — plan on spending a whole day there!


The SCWW Literary Journal Competition Opens

The South Carolina Writers Workshop is pleased to announce the opening of the competition for inclusion in its new-and-improved literary journal. The Petigru Review will feature the best writing of SCWW members in three categories: fiction; nonfiction; and poetry.

Submissions are due by April 30, 2007, so it's already time to get writing. A complete version of the guidelines can be found on the SCWW website at www.myscww.org/anthology.htm.

All authors whose writing is selected for publication in The Petigru Review will receive payment of $5 per piece and a total of two contributor's copies of the issue in which their work appears. The Petigru Review will also contain black-and-white photographs taken in South Carolina. Members are invited to submit photographs for this purpose, although these will not be a part of the competition and there will be no compensation for them.


Local Authors to Appear at Book Festival

Bob Strother and John Migacz will participate as exhibitors at The South Carolina Book Festival, on February 24-25, at the Convention Center in Columbia.

You can find these two SCWW Greenville Chapter representatives at the booth labeled Renegade Books. John will be presenting his newly-published science fiction novel The Dieya Chronicles: Incident on Ravar. Bob's novel, Love Among the Greeks, was released in June of 2006 and is a coming-of-age story set in the early 1960s.

Additional information on both novels is available through the authors' websites:

www.johnmigacz.com   www.bobstrother.net

For information on Book Festival events and participating authors check out www.scbookfestival.org


E.E. Burns Up the Track

Elysabeth Eldering has been busy. She serves as Mystery Storyline editor for Quill-pen.net Press. Quill-pen.net Press will be publishing six full-length books in 2008 - check their website for guidelines.

Elysabeth also won the Echelon Press January 2007 Fast & Frigid Fiction Writing Contest with her short story, "The Tulip Kiss." Congratulations, Elysabeth!


Greenville Public Library's "Carolina Writers Series"

The Greenville Library (Hughes Main Branch) is showcasing local writers. Three published authors, Vonda Skelton, Ellis Vidler, and Vicky Hunnings will present the "The Write Stuff Workshop," Feb 10th from 9:30-2:30. The workshop will feature how to get started writing novels, mystery novel writing, how to get published in magazines and more.

The Carolina Writers Series continues on Feb. 22, at 7 PM, with novelist Ashley Warlick reading from her work.

For more information and to register, call 242-5000, ext 2293. The Hughes Main Library is located at 25 Heritage Green Place, downtown Greenville. www.greenvillelibrary.org


Foothills Writers Guild Annual Workshop March 9

The 18th Foothills Writers Guild Annual Workshop will be held March 9-10 at Anderson University. The deadline for early registration and submissions for manuscript evaluations is February 14. Check out their website ( www.foothillswritersguild.org ) for more information and the list of speakers.

REVIEWS

The Father and Son Reunion
(Or, Where's Homey?)

by Panama Red

Steve Stewart introduced a "parallel" first chapter of his novel, Homey Jones at Thursday night's meeting. This one, chronicling Steven Taylor's first meeting with his father after returning home from England, made no mention of slave-protagonist, Homey. Steve says he plans to "blend" the chapters together at some point. Panama isn't sure how or if that will work, but there are enough promising aspects to Steve's writing that he's willing to wait for the finished product before passing judgment.

The story begins with Steven having returned to his native Charleston in 1842, meeting William Agnew, the long-time manager of his father's shipping business, and touring the company site located near the harbor. Steven talks of taking charge of the business but is advised by Agnew that Steven's father will "run the company until the day he dies." As the conversation continues, Samuel Taylor arrives on the scene — just in time to catch his son opining on the father's view of women in the workplace.

The group critique centered mostly on punctuation and structural suggestions — replacing commas with periods where needed, using more beats, and cutting back on the use of first names to identify who was speaking to whom. A misplaced modifier and POV slip were identified, and it was suggested that an info dump might be reworked by parceling out the same information through the use of dialogue.

Panama feels that Steve has a natural talent for description and scene-setting. Closer attention to craft and a better job of proofing could improve his work significantly.


Review of Jesus' Lap

by Alpha Female

It was good to see John Kingsbury back again. He always adds good comments to the group.

John read Chapter 12 of Jesus' Lap. We find Paige in Myrtle Beach. I liked her assessments of the Myrtle Beach clientele. She saw an older couple reliving a honeymoon trip. She watched a child chasing seagulls with an elderly man. By John's description of his U.S. Marine sweatshirt and Iowa Jima baseball cap, we could guess his age. Good technique. His other paragraph on page 138 about the pair further gave us a feel for their activities on the beach. She also watched a couple who seemed to be newlyweds. I felt her assessments were the strongest part of this chapter.

I was confused by a sentence where Jake said, "Harold wants me to Captain a site." I did not understand that meant that Jake would get a first shift job as a security guard at Pinkerton and two dollars more an hour pay. For the uninformed like me, explain how that works.

We had a few picky comments for John to clean up his work. Where Paige needed a bed warmer, it should be King David instead of King Solomon.

The section describing the roll of the ocean on page 137 was really good. One critique came out: the word sand was overdone. Use fewer sands. Page 139 had several "close the sale" phrases. Spend more time editing your work.

The closing section comparing Paige's honeymoon trip with one she took with Uncle Billy seemed confusing to me.

I look forward to the next chapter of Paige and Jake's adventures.


Parking & Sparking

by Thaleia

Our President for Life, John Migacz, treated us to a jolly good read that we, and his protagonist, have been looking forward to for years: Jolly's biggest date since his one with destiny about a lifetime ago. With flare and finesse, he whisks his dream girl to dinner in his BMW, taking care to have the parking valet give him the odometer reading as insurance against joy-riding.

Jolly, as excited as a ten year old at Disney World, at last has the lovely Sara on his arm and not just on his mind. Some found the college girl a bit bold in taking command of the conversation with her former professor: "You know what we need to discuss.... I think we have both felt a great attraction between us." But it is easy to see that Jolly is so self-conscious about making the right impression he finds his faculties not always marching to the precise beat of his logical mind: "The casual remark that sprang to mind couldn't make it past his lips and the truth forced its way out instead." This line also illustrates one of the places a semicolon might be used in place of "and" (...past his lips; the truth forced...).

When Prof. Steele finds his voice, he utters a one-word flashback that may hint at shocking events yet to come. When Sara searches for a word to define their on-first-sight fascination, Jolly responds with "Electric?" This powerful word is charged with dynamic potential if not positively negative consequences. When we asked John if we should expect sparks to fly, "An idiotic grin popped out on his face." To which we respond, "Very good, Sir." Like Jolly and Sara, we'll have to wait and see "where it might lead us."


Building Character

by Elvis' Cousin

A new writer who actually heeds and appreciates the group's advice is always welcome. In his novel Parnassius, where an action-packed prologue is followed by a fishing scene, Rush Haddad is trying to incorporate multiple and sometimes conflicting advice.

Let me pick the last paragraph on page 18 — the one starting "[Serena] placed everything in her backpack, including a holstered Glock automatic ... " —to illustrate some of the issues.

Rush was praised for using particularity, that is, mentioning "Glock" as the brand name rather than a generic gun. But which model of Glock? Apparently some models don't have a safety. A pretty woman packing a gun in picnic supplies was a turning point in the previously laid-back action. Then someone suggested that letting the protagonist discover the Glock in the backpack later would add more surprise.

The standard advice of "show don't tell" sometimes goes awry. In the same paragraph where Rush showed us the Glock in one sentence, he used three sentences to show us the trivial actions of Serena leaving the house with the dog, Duke. The quantity of words should be roughly proportional to the importance of the action. Trivial action should be summarized, or "told," if it cannot be assumed by the reader.

In the pursuit of sentence diversity, Rush begins too many sentences with participial phrases, such as "Opening the back door, Duke dashed outside as she closed it, locking it behind her." Personally, I was fond of this construction until I read too many times that it is a mark of an amateur. Presumably that solution is too easy as is converting them to "as" clauses. I try to limit them to one per page now and avoid beginning a sentence with one. Did you notice the dangling modifier implying that Duke opened the door?

Every writer has his own methods. For me, I write once to get the outline of a plot down on paper and then revise several times for clarity, continuity, particularity, detail, and emotion. So, Rush, get used to the criticism. It's character-building.


In A Pigg’s Eye

by Mason J. Pigg, Ph.P.

Pat Stewart entertained us with a personal essay about her daughter's graduation from Boise State University. A new idea. Graduate from a three year college program where you only show up on campus for graduation. Its called online college. Pat’s story telling was excellent as always. And she managed to fit her favorite government agency, The Transportation Safety Administration, into her essay.

Pat’s daughter’s commencement was held in the Taco Bell Arena and Pat tied the university’s football team and its bowl game into the essay. Nice touch, Pat. Of the twenty-four people in Pat’s daughter’s class it doesn’t appear any were from Idaho. Someone from Trinidad and Texas, but apparently not Idaho. This Pigg forgot to ask when we reviewed her essay. It would be nice to know. Still, a well done job.

Bob Strother read from a memoir from his childhood. So many writers don’t take things from their childhood and put them on paper as well as Bob does. I suspect that is because they didn’t have interesting childhoods like Bob. Bob’s use of brand names to underscore the story’s reality, its ambiance, is wonderful writing. RC Cola and Hava-Tampa-Jewel, a cheap cigar, have a certain appeal to us kids. It brings back memories of a time when life was better. At least better in our selective memories. Still there is tension over a character who is a black kid and another character, an adult, being in the Klan. What will this Klan guy do in this story? Stories need some suspense and this story has tension. This keeps us curious and curiosity killed lots of cats and sold lots of manuscripts.


Review of Penelope

by Fragile Procrastinate

Jim McFarlane plugs on with Penelope, a story soaked top-heavy in societal taboos of seventeenth-century Holland. Penelope's father has been lost at sea and she intends to put her meager inheritance into a trip to the New World - America. She is in love with Matthew who wants to seek passage to America as a ship's carpenter.

Flirtations continue in Chapter 4. Matthew's sister, Ruth, chaperones Penelope and Matthew as they take walks around the city.

As with the previous chapters, McFarlane has done his research. The reader learns what Hollanders of three centuries ago liked to eat, wear, and do. His prose abounds with details and wit. "If a girl walks alone it is her reputation at risk. If a man walks with her then he has put his family's reputation at risk. Some parts of Denmark are considered like Sodom and Gomorrah. An unmarried girl wishing to find a husband should trust in the Biblical advice of not hiding a candle under a bushel basket and wear her dresses tight enough to pop buttons as she kneads dough."

Chapter 4 will work best if McFarlane re-directs it. Most listeners at Thursday's meeting agreed that he told not showed. Information in this chapter must be spread out through action scenes or in flashbacks in future chapters.

The first difficulty with the entry might be too much Ruth. Ruth should be heard before Chapter 4 to permit the reader another way of seeing history unfold, from the eyes of a single girl to be left behind when the boat sails to America. The girl-talk between Ruth and Penelope gives the book moments of playful mood. McFarlane might consider using this interplay again. He might also consider scenes that contrast Ruth and Penelope. Because Ruth will disappear from the main plot, McFarlane must make her as enchanting as possible. McFarlane should either present Ruth as a character with bite or write-her-out. I say, "Keep her!"


On The Rocks

by SC Bistro-Less

Marjorie Garrett has written a fascinating little story from the point of view of an autistic teen in "Mikayla's Place." The first line grabs the reader ("I watched in detached amazement as my fist plowed into Tamika's face.") and holds their interest with descriptions of Mikayla's bombarded senses. Though difficult to write from the perspective of an autistic teen, Marjorie manages to show Mikayla's world and another way of experiencing life.

The group felt that both overheard radio broadcasts were a little too coincidental and found it odd that the migrant worker family was willing to take in Mikayla. To move the story along faster, the table suggested removing the grandmother section and "show" rather than editorialize. The paragraphs also need to be broken up differently to accent the action.

Marjorie has written an imaginative tale that teaches as well as entertains — and that's what writing is all about. Bistro-Less is hoping to hear more of Marjorie's work in the future.


DEAD ELVIS
(continued)
A Week O Foolishness

by DMV

Mr. Clarke continued his misadventures of Dead Elvis in his down-home misdirection humor to the audience's delight. Everyone chuckled with the original catch phrases that suited the drawn characters perfectly: "plain as when my last girlfriend slapped me in the face with a wet dishrag," "I could just see and hear her cast thumpin' the grass like a washing machine thrashin' blue jeans," "Don't pretzel-knot yourself," and "dead-rat-smelling Guinevere."

The only suggested change was to drop the word "cause" in the fifth paragraph on page 18. For a country boy like Dead Elvis to have no more dialog of grammar remarks than that--I'd say he done quite good.

We're still waiting for the State to get back to us on the question if we can issue an inspection sticker on old Guinevere without a back window.

The "Third Tuesday" Report

Bob Strother's novel, Burning Time continued with Fannie sending Louise and Henry to the back yard as an agitated and limping Will approaches down the street. Louise sneaks into the kitchen and overhears her mother cursing Will and throwing chunks of coal at him. Will goes to pack his things, finds that his clothes have been destroyed by Fannie, and comes back waving a loaded shotgun. See-Boy saves the day by deflecting the gun muzzle at the last minute. Will staggers out of the house and to his father William's store, where he begins to verbally abuse his father. William smashes Will under the chin. "William rubbed his knuckles and wondered idly if God could appreciate the irony of his situation: A comforatble life, a loving wife, a daughter-in-law and grandchildren he adored - and this miserable wretch for a son." William helps Will to his feet and ushers him out of the store.

Kevin Coyle came next with Snorri the Priest. Thorbjorn and his wife are interrupted by their ten-winter-old daughter, Gudrid, who asks permission to comb the beach for shellfish with the other children. The kids amass a huge pile of clamshells on the beach, then decide to look for grapes so their parents can make wine. Nine-winter-old Ospak Illugason goes ahead so he can hunt with his bow and arrows. Shortly, the other children hear him scream as he hurls down the hill back to them, gasping, "Dragon!" He describes how "the dragon lunged at me from where it lay in wait, concealed in the underbrush. Its terrible cry was like nothing I'd ever heard before, worse than even a troll's. The the dragon took flight and soared among the treetops, the beat of its wings raising such a gust that it nearly blew me over!" All the children except Hermund, Ospak, Thorfinn, and Gudrid run back to camp to tell their parents, while the four! remaining kids use their knives to form makeshift spears and head off toward the hill to investigate.

After sharing a query letter for his novel, The Widow Dunn, Jim McFarlane read from Penelope. Still at the wharf with Matthew, Penelope and Ruth talk about their futures. Penelope says she is "both Dutch and English and yet neither." Although there are advantages for Penelope to stay in Amsterdam and the Puritans are hated by the English, her parents had always wanted to return to England. Penelope want more than to get married and raise children, which is all she could do in England. As they talk, they see a boatload of English refugees from the Puritan War disembarking across the river from them. The two girls discuss the war and wonder about their futures, then go to retrieve Matthew and get home before dark.

The Elvis Oracle, Phil Arnold, shared two more gems from his ElvisBlog. "James Brown and Elvis" looks at the links between the two entertainers. Both were members of the first class of inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1986, and they both received Grammy Awards for lifetime achievement. They met at a party in Hollywood and became lifelong friends. James Brown wrote about Elvis: "I wasn't just a fan, I was his brother. He said I was good and I said he was good; we never argued about that"

Taking another step into the high-tech world, "Robot Elvis Talking Heads" is the first Elvisblog to feature a photograph. (You'll have to check out the website, since Printed Matters still lags in the race for technological excellence.) Unveiled at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this January, the Wowwee Company announced that they will release a "living" Elvis head in the summer of 2007. "The robot version of the Comeback Elvis can sing 8 songs, has 30 quotes and a karaoke function." At the show, Phil watched a one-minute YouTube video of a reporter using the karaoke function. Phil's reaction was that "it appeared that the folks at Wowwee rushed a prototype to the show, but it couldn't do any of the audio things promised. Even worse, it didn't look like Elvis." Despite the bad first impression, Phil's official Elvisblog position on the talking Elvis head: "I thin! k the idea is a little weird, but I like it. I don't think I would fork out $349 of my money to buy one, but if I ever came across one at a theme park arcade, I would gladly stick some bills in the dollar slot to hear him sing 'Hound Dog' and say lines like 'Play it James' and 'I don't sound like nobody.'"

Mack Clarke's Uncle Juggzy continued his Week of Foolishness. The narrator is asleep in the car. Juggzy returns in a mood because someone singing the blues near him and his date "bleached our amour. Disinfected our urges." The next morning, Juggzy and his nephew go to look at a Dodge Swinger on Route 14. Upon inspection, the car turns out to be a wreck. Before they can leave, a man who looks remarkably like Yosemite Sam rushes up and tells them, "I can't sell you this car." Juggzy appears to want some fun and starts asking if the car will start and if the man will be fixing the radiator soon. He finally convinces Yosemite to let him pull the battery out of his own car to see if they can start the engine. The narrator says, "By now, I was one curious hillbilly as to what Juggzy had in mind."

John Migacz finished up the meeting with a selection from his novel, A Second Chance. Jolly awakens in a great mood the morning after his first date with Sara. His manservant reminds him to stick with his exercise routine and to maintain his balance in life no matter how good he may feel at the moment. After two hours of exercise, he receives a phone call from Becky asking how the date went. Only after he hangs up does he realize that Becky is interested in him herself. He regrets this because he doesn't want to hurt her. After some consideration, he calls Mike Hennessy (a friend, and the head of his New York office) and asks about the investigative company Giajin has on retainer. Jolly tells Mike what he wants them to do. "In a few days he would know everything he needed to about Rebecca Davidson."

The next meetings of the Greenville Chapter of SCWW are as follows:

  • Thursday, February 1 - First Thursday Meeting, 6:00 p.m. at The Open Book
  • Tuesday, February 20 - Third Tuesday Meeting, 6:00 p.m. at The Open Book

All genres welcome at both meetings. Suggested limit for reading selections is five double-spaced, typed pages, although longer selections may be possible if time permits.

The Open Book, 110 S Pleasantburg Drive, Greenville, SC

Observations from the Editor's Corner

The New SCWW Website "Author Pages" Page

In order to help you get acquainted with the new statewide SCWW website, www.myscww.org, we'll present a different feature each month.

If you go to the SCWW website and click on " Author Pages" on the sidebar, you will see a list of links to the personal websites of many of our members.

To add your own (existing) website to the list, just send the URL in an e-mail to myscww@myscww.org.

It's as easy as that!


Printed Matters is the newsletter of the Greenville Chapter of South Carolina Writers Workshop.

Please forward critiques, comments, ideas, and submissions to Printed Matters Editor Marcia Migacz at marciamigacz@prtcnet.com.

Thanks to our contributing writers and news reporters:
Bob Strother, Pat Stewart, Leland Beaudrot, Jim McFarlane,
John Kingsbury, Mack Clarke, John Migacz, and Steve Stewart

Copyright 2007 by Marcia Migacz, Editor. Contributing writers retain all rights to their work.

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