Phil Arnold, our President and the archivist of all things Elvis attended the annual gathering in Memphis in memory of the King. With the same extraordinary diligence he exercises in his writing, he was able to meet and obtain autographs from Elvis' associates featured in his Elvis International articles.

While we were meeting in Greenville, Kevin Coyle was in Boston for the Norscom Science Fiction Convention. We can't wait to hear how that went. Live long and prosper, Cosmic Burgermeister!

Now that The Quill, our state wide newsletter is being distributed by e-mail, make sure you have your address on file. If you haven't received your copy of Quill, send an e-mail to Steve Vassey at vasseyws@hotmail.com You may download a copy of the newsletter (PDF format) from the SCWW Website.

In our Tuesday, September 21 meeting, we welcomed "one and a half" guests. Bob Strother sat in with us and shared a reading from a slightly fictionalized memoir of his Sophomore year in college. We enjoyed his offering and encouraged him to embrace his muse. Hope you see you again, Bob. Though not able to make the meeting due to her work schedule, Ingrid Sthare expressed interest in our group. Her writing credits include a syndicated column, two screenplays and poetry. She is currently working on her first novel. Selections of her writings are available on her web site. Hope to have you with us next time, Ingrid.

The 14th Annual SCWW Writers Conference will be held October 15-17, 2004 at Ocean Creek Plantation Resort, Myrtle Beach, SC. Confirmed faculty include:
Keynote Speaker: Robert Olen Butler has published eleven books since 1981, nine novels and two volumes of short fiction, including 1993 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, "A Good Scent from a Strange Mountain."
Chuck Adams, VP and Senior Editor at Simon and Schuster Publishing.
Martin Barnard, Senior Acquisitions Editor/Human Kinetics
Faye Bender, Literary Agent, Anderson Grinberg Literary Management
Sonny Brewer, Author/Editor/Bookseller
Elizabeth Dewberry, Author
Hallie Ephron, Mystery Writer of the Peter Zak series for St. Martin's
Colin Fox, Editor, Warner Books
Holly McClure, Agent and Principle with Sullivan Maxx Literary Agency
Duncan Murrell, Editor
Alan Nevins, Film and Literary Agent with Firm Books
Susan Page, Self-Help Author and Writing Coach (http://www.susanpage.com)
Kelley Ragland, Editor, St. Martin's Press
Sharon Spence Lieb, Author
Marjory Wentworth, Poetry/South Carolina Poet Laureate
Kathie Fong Yoneda, Talk Story Productions

For details, schedule, accommodations and registration fees, see the SCWW website: http://www.scwriters.com/2004%20Conf.htm

Novelist, poet, and essayist Reynolds Price and celebrated playwright Samm-Art Williams are the keynote speakers for this year's conference. Choose from 45 workshops and roundtable discussions in fiction, creative nonfiction, poetry, screenwriting, playwriting, children's books, marketing, freelancing, and getting an agent, among others. Plus readings, performances, open mic sessions, banquets, film screenings, and more. Workshop descriptions, faculty bios, and online registration available via the link above. Visa, MasterCard, and Discover accepted. Discount for Writers' Network members.

Fall Conference Master Class and Manuscript Mart deadline Wednesday, September 29, 5 p.m. Manuscript submissions for Fall Conference Master Classes and the Manuscript Mart, which offers individual critiques by agents and editors, must be received at Writers' Network headquarters by 5 p.m. on Wednesday, September 29. Details plus online registration available via link above. Or call 919-967-9540 or e-mail mail@ncwriters.org. Mailing address: P.O. Box 954, Carrboro, NC 27510.

Sheraton discount room rate deadline: October 8. Reserve your Sheraton room by OCTOBER 8 and get the Network's discount price of $78/night plus tax. Make sure you say you're with the Writers' Network Fall Conference: 919-941-5050 or 1-800-325-3535. This is a firm deadline so don't dawdle! You will be charged twice that much after October 8.

Summer is done but don't let your writing Fall by the wayside. And don't forget our October meetings Thursday the 7th and Tuesday the 19th 6:00 p.m. at The Open Book.

My apologies to Ray Lewis, Faye Tollison and all of our readers. This review was lost in the e-mail shuffle on my end and failed to make the previous e-dition. - Ed.

The group was delighted to hear Faye Tollison read the first chapter of her murder mystery, We the Jury. It was as taunt and tight as it was short -- that is to say, very! At one page (double spaced), Ms. Tollison had us on the edge of our seats. We were astounded as this mild-mannered young lady thrilled us with her -- did I mention, short and terse opening scene. Everyone seemed to agree that the paucity of words and the graphic detail made this an opening to remember. Everyone knows how important it is to "hook" the reader early, or run the risk of losing them altogether and Ms. Tollison certainly accomplished that. We were all hooked; at least those of us who like murder mysteries.

Ms. Tollison was concerned that more background needed to be presented in the first chapter. She also wanted our opinion as to whether the reader needed to know the reason for the murder up front. The group responded unanimously with a resounding "No" to both. So long as both are handled later it is no problem. Some said that we don't need to be told why in the beginning, we just need a reason to keep reading and as I said, this was accomplished.

That was a nice twist at the end. It was suggested, on the other hand that the passive tense was overused in the action scene. It was also suggested that the author consider establishing the state of mind of the murder, as opposed to the motivation (which will be brought out later according to Ms. Tollison). There was an animated discussion about the relative merits of stabbing versus slashing, and swinging versus lunging. Ms. Tollison was encouraged to expanded the scene even further by engaging the other senses. For example,let us hear a thump as the body hits the floor. My only question at this point is whether it is too early to start making comparisons with Alfred Hitchcock? We hope you keep writing so we can find out.

Fatz bids "welcome" to Sara Efird, the newest member of the SCWW Greenville Chapter. Poet Sarah read a half-dozen of her short poems and received a thumbs up for all. The group made suggestions on better rhyming schemes, meter improvement and titles but couldn't fault her pot-shots at human foibles. Now Fatz here will be the first to claim ignorance in all things poetical, but I do appreciate the ability to convey a quirk of human nature in just a few lines. That is indeed an art form.

Fatz's education in the poetic field continues despite dodging such words as iambic pentameter, haiku, caesura and enjambment. Fatz's has learned that poetry construction involves "feet" and will be bringing his measuring tape and tool belt to the next meeting. Welcome to the group, Sarah.

Not everyone can build suspense in a description of a business meeting, but Howard Lewis did that and more in "Where to Park," a humorous short story about a man's thwarted attempt to secure a decent parking place at work. It was funny to see the main character plot his scheme, and even funnier to see his coworkers innocently ruin it without ever realizing what he was really after. There were some great lines in this piece, including the main character's frustrating final realization that he would have to get 300 people to car pool with him in order to earn the parking place he wanted.

Readers were impressed by Howard's characterization of Frank, but wanted to hear more details about some of the others at the meetings. Some of the dialogue was very memorable, but adding a few beats may make the differences between the different characters stand out more. Also, changing some of the wording to avoid passive tense may give this piece more punch and make it even funnier than it already is.

John Kingsbury read Chapter One from his novel Trailer Trash. This was a revised version of his chapter one. The story is set in a mental ward of Charter Hospital. John does an excellent job of portraying the patients in the ward. He shows us how cigarettes are the currency of the mentally ill. I really liked the descriptions of his fellow patients.

Many had Biblical names and quotations. Giving an inmate the denomination of "Orthodox Agnostic" is totally awesome to me. I like John's calling Thomas the patron saint of Agnostics. Not what I was taught about Thomas Aquinas. His line on page 5, "there is no such thing as an atheist because you have to believe in the possibility of a God to believe there is no God," is priceless.

This chapter is a keeper for me. It would make me turn the page to Chapter Two. John's work is important for getting inside the mind of the mentally ill. Finish the book and let us see how it ends.

One of the consistent delights at our meetings is hearing the latest Pat Stewart story about her sizable family. Many of these essays are worthy of submittal for competitions, but "The Songs of My Life" might be better suited for distribution to the family members. In fact, someone in the group suggested it would work well if a Memory Book was planned to accompany the subject of the piece - a DVD celebrating Pat and Jack's 50th anniversary.

Pat's essay does mention many family members by name as she searched through hundreds of photos to select the perfect ones. Also, the description of how the best songs were chosen to accompany the pictures is probably something of more interest to family than general readers. One very good suggestion from the room was that Pat cut off the last paragraph and build a new essay out of it. The Professor likes the possibilities for Pat's wonderful humor coming out as she writes about the results when fourteen inches of snow fell on her wedding day. Then she can close strong with the musings about her marriage costing barely three figures but lasting fifty years. That's the story to send out in submissions.

"Aptly Named" is an essay written by the aptly named John Migacz. I have tried to write personal essays without the success John exhibits in his essays. John took his granddaughter to the circus and she just sat there. That's the way kids are these days. They just sit and watch and don't react to what they see because reactions to television is uncool. This image really connects with most readers because grandchildren are so adorable and grandparents try too hard to impress them.

Connecting with the reader is the key to successful essays. The image of five 747s crammed into a phone booth was an apt description of the sound level of a circus. I did see five pink elephants stuffed into a phone booth when I was in the Navy, but that's not the same thing as seeing a real circus with some death defying act upstaged by a zebra being hit with a slapstick. When I was little the only circus I saw was the one in the movie that Toby ran away to. What I really liked about this essay is John didn't ask his granddaughter what she thought of the circus because he was worried it bored her to spend time with granddad. See, it isn't the money like he claims it is the time spent with a grandchild doing grandpa things. John is such a sweet curmudgeon.

Phil Arnold again wowed us with his ability to write and his knowledge of the facts and the people surrounding Elvis. His paper, "D J Fontana Belongs in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame," describes the injustice of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's failure to induct DJ Fontana. Mr. Fontana was Elvis' original drummer performing and recording with Elvis from 1955 to 1968.

Since the creation of the new "Sidemen" category, there have been three drummers inducted, none of them are DJ. In his paper, Phil concurs and even justifies each individual's inclusion with a short resume of their achievements. His contention is that DJ deserves the honor as much, if not more, than those already inducted. Within the writing group, there was some confusion over the strong case Phil made for the other's inclusion, but the piece is very strong and makes the point that, of the four drummers, DJ was just as qualified and was the truest "sideman." Plus, let's not forget, he did back up the king.

• State first what works for you, then what might improve the piece. Be specific. Be kind.

• Do not be overly picky about small details--typos, spelling, grammar. Unless stated, these are not final drafts.

• Avoid repeating another's comments in detail. It is all right to say you agree, or to not comment at all.

• Consider asking another to read your material so that you can hear it objectively.

• Listen carefully to critiquing; do not interrupt; do not defend the work or overly explain. The material should explain itself. If it does not, rewrite.

• Accept each comment as a catalyst for your writing. Use each one to improve your writing skills and take you closer to publication. Do not allow inappropriate sensitivity to discourage your efforts. Better to hear what might improve the piece than to waste postage and time sending it out prematurely.

Fiction

Warm Up

How did you feel when the reader finished the last word? Example:
When you finished reading, I felt:

Eager to learn what happens next
Confused by Olivia's determination to return to show biz
Cheated at the abrupt conclusion
Delighted by Rick's humor
Concern for Meg

Big Picture

1. Is the title effective? Does it get your attention and hint at the content?
2. Is the story question [i.e., What is the main character's conflict(s)/ex. Will Marty get a baby?] clearly presented early on?
3. How is the main character different at the end of the story from the beginning? What is/are the events which led to the change?
4. Are the lead and conclusion effective?
5. Would the basic idea appeal to the target market?
6. Does the manuscript begin in the right place?
7. Are there ineffective repetitions--words, thoughts?
8. Are the characters well drawn and fleshed out?
9. Does the plot flow naturally from the characters' action and reaction?

Fine Tuning

1. Did the writer show, not tell?
2. Are good word pictures, metaphors, and other figures of speech employed?
3. Did the writer appeal to the five senses?
4. Is vocabulary level appropriate?
5. Is the writing tight?
6. Is the passive voice avoided?
7. Were specifics used?

Wrapping Up

1. What would make this piece even better?
2. What is a possible market for this piece?

Some of this material adapted from Donna Clark Goodrich's packet: How to Start & Run a Christian Writers' Club.

Non - Fiction

Warm Up

How did you feel at the when the reader finished the last word? Example:
When you finished reading, I felt:

I could identify a take-away
Encouraged
Like I learned something new
Confused
Indifferent

Big Picture

1. Is the title effective? Does it get your attention and hint at the content?
2. Is the theme clearly presented?
3. Are the lead and conclusion effective?
4. Would the basic idea appeal to the target market?
5. Does the manuscript begin in the right place?
6. Does the material flow in logical order, or should it be rearranged?
7. Are all paragraphs related to the subject?
8. Are there ineffective repetitions--words, thoughts?

Fine Tuning

1. Did the writer show, not tell?
2. Are good word pictures, metaphors, and other figures of speech employed?
3. Did the writer appeal to the five senses?
4. Is vocabulary level appropriate?
5. Is the writing tight?
6. Is the passive voice avoided?
7. Were specifics used?

Wrapping Up

1. What would make this piece even better?
2. What is a possible market for this piece?

Some of this material adapted from Donna Clark Goodrich's packet: How to Start & Run a Christian Writers' Club.

Printed Matters is the newsletter of the Greenville Chapter, SCWW, which meets on the first Thursday and third Tuesday of each month at 6:00 p.m. at The Open Book, 110 S Pleasantburg Drive, Greenville, SC.

Thanks to our contributing writers and news reporters: Ray Lewis, John Migacz, Sara Efird, Pat Stewart, Phil Arnold, John Kingsbury and Harold Lewis.

Copyright 2004 by Leland Beaudrot, Editor. Contributing writers retain all rights to their work.