We were delighted to have a new face at our table last time. Ray Lewis came and shared with us the opening of his already completed novel manuscript. Phil Arnold shared his latest contributions to Elvis International magazine: 10 pages in the January edition including a stories on Sam Philips, two of The King's earliest recordings and a narrative on a collection of Elvis photos.

You can make a good thing better and gain fame for your name by sharing your talents on our web page. If you have articles or essays on the craft of writing you would like to place before the eyes of the world on the web, please drop Leland an e-mail at verviers@earthlink.net

The upcoming issue of The Quill will be the last one to go to the traditional printer and get mailed out. The Board made a budgetary decision to put The Quill online at our scwriters.com website. Folks who don't have access to a computer can request a printed version by contacting SCWW President Steve Vassey, PO Box 7104, Columbia SC 29202.

More state news: April 30 is the deadline for submissions to our SCWW Anthology, Catfish Stew. For complete details, see the SCWW website. The web site also features information on the annual SCWW Writers Conference, October 15-17. Check it out.

Could it be that Spring is almost here? If Mother Nature doesn't throw another icy blast in our path, come on out to The Open Book, Thursday, March 4th at 6:00 p.m. with the latest from the garden of your imagination.

Kevin Coyle / A Cool Dry Place

Continuing the novel A Cool Dry Place, main character Chris finished his viewphone conversation with his parents, attended a jiu-jitsu lesson with his friend Kalash, and finally started testifying at the murder trial that has been central to Kevin's book. As we approach the revelation of how Selena was killed, we can feel the tension building. Kevin does a good job of foreshadowing when he has Chris disagree with the Sensei's assertion that the simplest way to avoid a confrontation is to run away, stating instead that "the world is filled with too many shades of gray." He also lets us know more clearly how his character is feeling - Chris's hands are shaking in his lap while he testifies and the mere sight of an indifferent court officer reading a newspaper makes him lose his composure.

Kevin's selection was well received. Some liked the transposition of court scenes with flashback descriptions of events. There were some minor comments, including a discussion of how full a "nearly full" subway car might be and how the other witnesses to the murder might avert their eyes without actually averting their attention. Someone suggested the use of a name brand for the viewphone company (such as Pepsi or AT&T) to help draw the reader in. Ultimately, it appeared that Kevin's audience was fully caught up in the story and could find little in his writing to complain about.

New member Christa Rice read from her mystery/psychological-thriller Stockholm. In the first chapter, we follow Max's preparations to kill someone using tools from a shed. We get a tiny glimpse into the crazed mind and attitude of the killer as he silently approaches his victim's house.
The group liked the flow and rhythm of the prose but felt the descriptions and imagery were too many and too much - ('screw driver, hammers, all types of saws, pliers and dykes, a drill and bits, and even a belt sander.') A better opening sentence was needed and more hints as to what was going to happen needed to be dropped throughout.
It was felt that 'Max' was portrayed as a passionate killer and also as a methodical killer and needed to be one or the other. By eliminating the passive sentences Christa will create a stronger piece that will draw the reader into the story.
All in all, Stockholm was a good first read for Christa and we look forward to seeing how the story develops.

John Kingsbury's latest novel, Trailer Trash, is a work in progress. After several false starts that were presented at previous meetings only to be scrapped, the latest installment picks up on page 142, presumably well into the story. This makes judging it in the context of the whole rather difficult as we have no idea where the story is going. Nevertheless, taken in isolation, this excerpt presents a complete scene that can be critiqued as such.

This scene takes place at an Alcoholics' Anonymous meeting. Three attendees-Al, Jake, and Oliver-tell their stories to the group (Joe's and Bob's stories are brief and mostly paraphrased rather than quoted at length). One the one hand, the number three has some universal appeal. For examples, just look at the Holy Trinity, the branches of the U.S. government, or your average joke ("A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar . . ."). On the other hand, all three tales may not be necessary. Al's story takes up most of a page, and other than the zinger at the end, isn't very interesting. Jake's story is arguably more relevant because he's the main character, but one wonders if this information could be conveyed somewhere else in the novel. Oliver's story is the most engaging and enlightening about the dangers of demon rum (or in his case, vodka). The lawyer who gave up his practice so he'd have more time to drink is tragic in the extreme.

This reviewer suggests focusing on Oliver, shortening or completely cutting the others, and breaking up Oliver's narration with more so-called "beats." The scene's last sentence, which brings us back to Jake, should then tie things up nicely.

First time visitor Ray Lewis brought us a really nice piece of writing. Before I go into the actual critique, I discussed a legal issue with this lawyer I live with and condensed his three hundred dollar words into English.

Emulation is the sincerest form of flattery and the references to Harry Potter and the similarity to the Harry Potter works is that type of flattery. Unfortunately, it also raises a legal issue. When you copyright a work of fiction you retain serial rights and derivative rights. Serial rights mean you can write a sequel to the book. Derivative rights are a little more difficult because they include the right to develop characters in a copyrighted work in subsequent works. A good example of how derivative rights works is the 1998 film The Parent Trap which is the third time the same book has been made into a movie. Each time the author of the book got paid, even though the movies are quite different. The passing reference to Harry Potter and the way Quddus is drawn touched on this sensitive legal right. Now this isn't really fair because a large part of Harry Potter is derived from English mythology. We merely raise this issue because agents and editors are likely to pass on the work in its current form because it is derivative which can be it raises copyright problems or reads like it was plotted based on a Murder She Wrote episode or something like that. Mystery writers and science fiction writers encounter this problem all the time.

Fortunately for Ray, these references and characterizations at not an essential part of his story. The idea that a wizard or such being has to be old is based upon conventions such as the wizards in the Harry Potter books, The Lord of the Rings, and King Arthur stories. Until I saw the movie The Bishops Wife, I would not have thought an angel looked like Cary Grant.

Most of the group felt the Prelude To A Dream section didn't work and the story begins with "Peter woke up with a fright" in the Poor Little Peter section. If you think of the Prelude as a junked car, you are free to strip off the parts and use them elsewhere. There is one writer in the group that has taken parts out of his fourth novel length manuscript and is using them in his sixth.

The reason agents and editors limit their first review of a work to five pages is within five pages of what the author considers to be his or her best work one can see if the author actually has any talent. Ray clearly shows talent and he has enough drive to finish an entire manuscript. Not all of us novel writers in the group can say we have actually finished a novel length manuscript. Of course there are those problems with viewpoint; sentence length; sentence sequence; show, don't tell; dialogue mechanics; seeing how it sounds; beats; voice; passive verbs; and so forth. The things that sound so easy, but are so hard to put on the page.

Welcome to the group, Ray.

It is hard to write a marketable novel the first time out. Stephen King wrote seven novel length manuscripts, that still remain unsold, before he wrote Carrie. Then there is Harper Lee who only wrote one novel and as far as I can tell never wrote learning manuscripts. All of the short story and novel writers in our group have the talent to write marketable work. What is lacking in some is the drive, training and experience.

When I was in Junior High I took shop and decided my third venture into working with wood would be designing and building a bookcase. My first was a wooden coat hook and the second was a wooden broom holder. My bookcase was a disaster because I didn't have a clue about how to do this and the shop teacher, because he hated me, refused to help me. Of course, this is going into one of my novels and Delmar the shop teacher has appeared as a dead chicken in one of my novels.

I probably have read more books on writing then anyone else in the group. I don't read many of these books now because I find re-reading some is more helpful. Before I start a new writing project I read Spider, Spin Me A Web and Lawrence Block on Writing Fiction. When I really need to remember how to edit, which I hate doing, I look at Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Brown and Dave King. A careful study of these three books, especially the Lawrence Block book will at least give you some idea what this lawyer I live with is talking about at your critique group. Graduate school in fiction writing is the twelve volume Elements of Fiction which is, I think, out of print although some of the texts may still be available from Writers Digest in paperback. Fourteen books all together and you have been exposed to almost everything you will need to know about writing and editing novel length fiction.

John Migacz served up a second helping of his new novel A Second Chance and, like home made soup, its better this time around. Jolly's anger, which he wraps around himself like armor to keep social interaction to a minimum, now has clear focus. His first tour of duty in Vietnam divided him from the love of his life, his second denied him an opportunity to end his misery: "The painful recovery from the point-seven-six-two rounds that pierced his body meshed perfectly with the anguish in his soul."
But like searchlights penetrating the fog, a pair of "green, gray flecked beacons of liveliness seemed to pull him out of himself." A chance encounter brings him face to face with "Sara Connover.... Her name and the feelings she unleashed softened the walls that had hardened around his heart."
Perhaps it's this melting that places a benevolent impulse in Jolly to risk his life to try and save one of his co-workers from a collapsing building. Both are buried alive, under the rubble. Jolly struggles to draw himself into the light of consciousness and wakes to see "The face of his mother who had been dead for twenty-eight years."
John clearly has us hooked. The story is moving along rapidly and the angry anti-hero, Jolly, is exhibiting the kind of humanity that makes us want to embrace that human porcupine. We can't wait to see what kind of world he will find himself in. He already "spent a year in Hell;" is he in heaven?

If Elvis is the all-time American Idol, Phil Arnold is his prophet. Though the King has been crooning in the heavenly choir for decades and his band and backup singers are winding down their careers, some of the dedicated fans still can't get enough. Enter Phil with "Another Look at the 'Legends,'" his personally guided tour of four early Elvis films. Elvis takes center stage in much of the footage, but precious glimpses of his musical associates are also highlighted: "Once Elvis starts to sing, all we see are parts of DJ. In several shots, his right arm is visible drumming away."
Phil handles his subject with the precision of a historian chronicling a real mover and shaker who's influence is still felt. To this he adds the dexterous thumb of a dedicated video gamer, slamming the Pause and Rewind buttons on the remote as he mines every subtle nuance from hours of film: "...the band is on screen just seven seconds before Elvis starts to sing.... they are seen for another three seconds just before Elvis jumps off the stage to go after a heckler."
Ever the effective critic, Phil adds this observation: "Look close and you can see Scotty wearing sunglasses in the long shots and none in the close ones." It looks like you have a future in Hollywood, Phil, if Elvis International folds.

As soon as we reached Bridal Veil Falls, the hiking club scattered like teenagers pouring from a minivan at the mall. I took the opportunity to wander into the woods in search of the little boy's tree.

"Marking your territory?" said a familiar female voice.

I froze and glanced over my shoulder. "Thaleia?"

"You remember me. I'm flattered." She was sitting on a fallen tree about ten yards away. "Don't mind me. I'll look the other way."

As soon as I could compose myself, I turned around. Dressed in a camo halter and khaki shorts, her red hair hung in thick Raggedy Ann braids across her shoulders. "Good to see you again. I've missed having you around."

She swung her booted feet like a child in a too big chair. "Have you?"

"Of course," I said. "So, what's on your mind?"

She tipped her head and smiled. "What's on yours?"

"Are you flirting with me?"

She giggled. "Is it working."

"It better not!" I held up my hand and wiggled my ringed finger.

"Don't worry. It's your mind I'm after, not your body." She reached around the stub of a limb and patted the tree. "Hop up over here. Let's talk."

I shrugged off my daypack and handed it to her. "Hold this." I pulled myself up and reached over for my pack.

She pulled it away. "Mine!" Waving my hand away, she unzipped the pack.

"Need sunblock? Bug repellant?"

"Just want to see what you carry in this thing now." She pulled out a small baggie. "Trail pills?"

"Aspirin," I said. "Good for headache and heart attack."

She dropped it back in and pulled out another baggie. "Horse feed?"

"Granola," I said. "Trail mix. Let's have it."

She handed over the bag. "I don't see that little computer you used to carry."

"That was just for lunch in the park."

"You used to sit and write." She suddenly swung the pack over to me, almost knocking me backwards. "You haven't done that for a while."

"I'm locked out." I hung the pack on the stub of a limb. "The park's being renovated as a tourist attraction. They'll no doubt ruin it."

"How's the play coming?"

"The play?" I open the bag of granola and offered her some.

She wrinkled her nose but took a fingertip sample. "The one you were writing about the kids in the school by the park."

"Fairy Play! I'd almost forgotten. Thanks for reminding me."

She shrugged. "It's my job."

Her cheerless tone pierced me. "Are you mad at me?"

"Worse," she said. "I'm hurt."

"Thaleia, I... had no idea. I'm sorry."

"You're a man, how could you understand. Have you ever considered that we, the Muses, are all women? How does a woman feel when she's neglected?"

"I'm still working on it," I said. "It's always in the back of my head."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? You've stuck me on the shelf like a musty old book no one ever reads anymore." A tear streaked her face. She hung her head.

"Let's see..." I struggled to recall my troupe of players from the recesses of my mind. "I was stuck on the place... where Dexter has to... patch things up with Candi who's mad at.... Oh! I think I see where it goes from here."

"If only...." She raised her eyes and gasped.

I followed her stare and saw Mike behind a tree with his camera. A scramble rent the brush behind me. She was gone.

"Sorry, man," he said. "You 'bout had her eating out of your hand."

How do I explain this!? She's... my niece... Clemson, no, too near, University of South Dakota... English major....

"Well, at least I have the picture." He cupped his hand over the postage stamp screen on back of the digital camera and chuckled. "She almost got away. Nice tail."

"Uh, yeah," I said. "She really takes care of herself."

"Out here, she'd better. At least I only hunt with this." He offered me the camera. "Have a look."

I squinted at the minute screen and tipped the camera until I could see a young doe leaping over the log to the thicket behind.

"Guess we won't be seeing her again," he said.

Recalling her words, I said, "I'm afraid you're right."

Printed Matters is the newsletter of the Greenville Chapter, SCWW, which meets on the first Thursday of each month at 6:00 p.m. at The Open Book, 110 S Pleasantburg Drive, Greenville, SC.

Thanks to our contributing writers and news reporters: Marcia Migacz, John Migacz, Kevin Coyle and John Kingsbury.

Copyright 2004 by Leland Beaudrot, Editor. Contributing writers retain all rights to their work.