It'd be somewhat easier knowing Nikki had been in a car crash, but that just wasn‘t the case... 

Chris, her boyfriend, dropped her off at home on April 28th at 2:30 p.m. and her mother was home at 3:30 p.m. That gave Nikki an hour. ONE HOUR! And by then, when you know for sure about committing suicide, you don’t think about anything, nothing at all. Otherwise, I think, if Nikki had thought about the pain she’d be putting everyone through and leaving her mother, she wouldn’t have done it. Her and her mother did everything together. It was only her and her mother. Everyone else booted Lori out of their lives and since Nikki was part of her, they didn’t care about Nikki either. It’s like leaving your Siamese Twin. We’ve heard Lori time and time again tell us, “If it wasn’t for my daughter, I wouldn’t be here.” 

Nikki’s Mom, Lori, walked into the house at 3:30 p.m. on April 28th. The door was unlocked, she started calling for Nikki, she wasn't answering, so she called her cell - Lori heard it ringing upstairs in her room. So Lori starts to bitch, "you leave the door open, your cell at home, and you leave?!" And as she's bitching she walks past the basement stairs and sees the light on under the door, “weird” she thought. Lori opened the door and saw one of Nikki's shirts, it looked like she’d thrown it down the stairs in a hurry and it looked as if it was over the railing. Lori then steps down three steps and goes to pick up the shirt and it's tight, feels as if it had been tied. She takes a deep breath and looks over the stairs and there is her daughter, dead, hanging by their basement stairs.

 Lori is only 98 pounds and under 5 feet tall and her daughter is 5 feet tall and not even 110 pounds. She got her down on her own. I can't image how....it's the strength you gain in a crisis. And I don’t know what happened after that. Nikki didn’t leave a note, nothing. Her mother is still in that state of shock - even a year later, she can’t believe something like this has happened to her. Friends and family would ask how she is doing and she’d tell them, “I died on Wednesday.” 

We went to her viewing, the place was packed. You could hardly even get to Nikki. I finally got up there and was still behind a few rows of people. By the looks of things she looked peaceful, sleeping. All kinds of things were stacked all over her coffin and around her. Poems written by people, toys, notes, shirts, a purse, flowers, rings, bracelets, a CD…etc. The school even gave her mother her diploma, since she would have been graduating in June. 

Nikki was the Punky Bruster type, always tacky, but a trendsetter above all. Bracelets to her elbows, finger nail polish that could blind you, stripes with polka dots, etc. She was creative, always making her own things and then everyone else would want to follow. She was always a happy person, but when she was sad, she was really sad. A very beautiful girl, had a great mother that stood by her side in everything she did, and a bright future ahead of her, but she just couldn’t turn the pain switch off. 

I watched Chris stand at the corner of her coffin, near her head, when my mom and I sat down. He wouldn’t move. He’d whisper things (we’d see his lips move) and stroke her hair, it was the saddest thing I had ever seen. And every once in awhile, he’d lean down and kiss her forehead. And then three girls knelt down and stayed at her coffin all night, crying and then giggling about the good things they’d remember, writing little notes and putting them in her coffin. 

My mom and I got to her funeral early so we would get a good seat. Only three people were there when we got there. I took the time out and said goodbye to Nikki. I read the things that were all over her. The place was packed by 10:30 a.m. And they had to open 3 rooms (the walls slide over) to get everyone together. It was sweet, after all of the normal funeral doings, they had a time for people to talk about memories and such. Chris got up and sang a song while playing the guitar that he had written for her. Other girls got up and read poems they had written about her and some just talked about how she will be missed, but she wouldn’t want us to be crying for her, and how she’d want us to be happy. I just can’t believe all of the things Nikki is going to miss out on. She never got to turn 18 on May 1^st, Senior Prom, Graduation, College, getting Married, a family, etc. 

I’m still in the state of shock and I feel so bad for her mother…

A Year Later…

…and we’ve talked of you, tried to figure out why you’re gone and only one reasoning is making sense to us now. We believe it was only to scare your boyfriend, but in the process of scaring him, you really died.

Over a year, I’ve learned a lot more about Nikki and her death. When Lori found her, the front door was wide open. Why? Lori has keys to get in. Also, Nikki’s knees were bent, she could have easily stood up. Everyone knows how hard it is to try and commit suicide when you know you have some sort of control. We think that she left the door open for Chris, after their argument in the car, when he dropped her off at home. He must have came into the house, found her dead, and ran - leaving the door wide open. After Lori got a hold of him, at his work (a party store) she screamed at him and ask “WHY?!” He didn’t have words - nothing came out. After that day, he got a restraining order on her and she isn’t allowed around him. We think he did that because he knows what happened. No one feels as sorry as we did for him at the funeral.

Lori has been reading notes that Nikki and her friends (including Chris) letters that Nikki had saved. Some of the letters by Chris were talking about him killing himself and how he didn’t want to live, etc. I believe that that pushed Nikki, in some form, to fake her death and let him feel what she might have felt if he had killed himself. While pretending, she could have passed out and then suffocated, hanging like she was…

Lori has contacted Montel Williams and wants to get a show started called “Surviving Suicide.” She wants to talk to Sylvia Brown and ask why she left, why she killed herself. She’s talked to a few Psychic’s and they’ve told her that Nikki is sorry for what she did. One of Nikki’s friends called Lori to talk to her about a set of dreams she had been having. Nikki was in them and they were playing a game together (her and her friend), but she never saw the game until the day she called Lori. The board game they were playing was “Sorry” - ironic, no? Another Psychic told one of Lori’s friends that she had to meditate on a few visions she had seen and she’d contact her later. When she finally contacted Lori’s friend again, she had told her that Nikki would have died that day no matter what - it was her time to go.

Lori, as any mother, has had a very hard year. She’s alone now and asks her friends to pray she dies. She doesn’t want to be here without Nikki anymore. She’s already tried to OD, but thankfully an old man, while walking his dog, found her in her car - covered in puke. She goes to Nikki’s grave and sits on her headstone (Lori’s headstone - she bought one next to Nikki’s) and she’ll lick her finger and write “April 28, 2005” where there is no date. We’re all so afraid that Lori isn’t going to make it past Thursday. She has a friend that is going to be with her all day, so hopefully she is safe. 

Why, Oh Why? 

Why'd you have to be selfish and leave us all behind? Was it your father that sent you over the edge? The argument you had with your boyfriend? Turning 18 and having to take full responsibility? True torturing pain? Were you pregnant and afraid? Did you think you weren't good enough? 

Why didn't you leave us an explanation? It would have eased some of the questioning and maybe, some of the pain. But to just know you were with us a few days ago and now, today, you aren't ever going to walk on this earth again (at least in this life) is painful. I just wish you would have showed someone some type of sign. I know you were getting help with depression, but maybe you needed something more that one of your friends/family could have given you...instead of taking your life...in such a painful way, too. 

What ate you enough to make it so bad that you had to leave everyone that loved you, Nikki? I know your intent wasn't to hurt us, but you did, it's a simple fact. I can forgive you and I have, but just know that I will miss you tons while we are apart. I can't wait to meet up with you one day and ask why. At least I know that you are hanging out with Grandpa and Abu (her dog).

Rest In Peace, Nicole Marie Ingleby.