"You're going too fast."

"It's fine, Josh."

"It's not. I can't keep a firm grip on you if you keep going that fast."

"Guess you'll just have to take the chance of losing your grip on me, then," Donna said.

"Not after tonight, I'm not. Slow. Down."

Donna forced herself back to the snail's pace Josh had kept her at since she left the wheelchair at the hospital curb. "You're humiliating me," she whispered as she took another step in front of Josh's building, Josh's arms tightly around her, and, unbeknownst to her, Toby close behind in case she fell backward. The rain had slacked off for the moment, leaving most of the city reflecting the glow of the streetlights.

"Ahkay, well, that doesn't seem to be something I give a damn about at the moment," Josh said as they took another step.

She exhaled heavily into her scarf. "You don't think it's worse that I'm spending longer outside than if I walked faster?"

Josh froze in place. "You're right. Sam, get the door. Toby, help me."

Sam moved in front of them and used Josh's keys to unlock the front door while Toby and Josh surprised Donna by putting their arms under her knees and around her back and carrying her into the foyer as fast as they could.

Donna gasped out loud. "I— Josh! Tob—I can—don't dr—stop!"

They set her down once CJ had closed the door behind all of them. "You all right?" Josh asked, pulling his gloves off and stuffing them in his pockets as he scraped his shoes on the mat inside the doorway.

"You're out of control," she said halfheartedly, thrilled to be out of the biting air that made her feel weak in the knees, and everywhere else.

"Whoa, you're wobbling a little bit there," Toby reached out and laid a hand on her arm to steady her.

"And I can't believe you," she turned on him. "You're the one who's supposed to be sensible."

The last part was a little slurred, from exhaustion more than anything else.

"You gonna make it?" CJ asked.

Donna nodded, blinking hard against the weariness. "Uh huh."

Inside Josh's apartment, CJ herded her toward the bedroom immediately.

"My coat," Donna protested.

"In there," Josh pointed toward the bedroom. "Wherever you stop, you're gonna stay, so it may as well be somewhere comfortable."

He trudged down the hall behind them and turned the heat up in the apartment, so exhausted and distracted that he didn't even notice when Toby pulled his coat off his shoulders as he began to shrug out of it.

Donna sat on the corner of the bed where CJ put her before she went to retrieve Donna's bag of clothes. Donna reached up with her big snow mittens and pawed at her face, eliciting a laugh from Sam.

"Shut up," she moaned. "It's like I don't have fingers."

"It's exactly like that," Sam said with a grin, hooking his index finger in her scarf and pulling it away from her face, then tugging her mittens off her hands gently. "Hey, Ceej?"

"Yeah?" she appeared in the doorway with Donna's clothes.

"Could you get the thermometer?" Sam asked as he wrapped his own fingers around Donna's gently to feel how warm they were, then began to help her out of her coat.

CJ looked panicked momentarily. "Is she colder?"

"No," Sam assured her quickly. "God, I didn't mean to...I just wanted to check it since she's been outside."

CJ was visibly relieved. "You're gonna give me a heart attack there, Samuel," she said, dropping the duffel on the bed beside Donna and setting off in search of the thermometer.

***********

"I need to try and get her to drink something warm," Josh mumbled, to himself more than Toby as he came back into the living area after pointing CJ toward the medicine cabinet for the thermometer.

"I'll get it, just...just sit down for a minute," Toby said.

"I'm fine, Toby," Josh said with thinly veiled annoyance.

"I didn't say otherwise," Toby said as he went into the kitchen.

************

"Can she have the antibiotic now?" Sam was reading the patient leaflet that came with the medicine from the doctor. "I don't want it to mix with any of the stuff from the hospital and—"

"Yeah, it should be fine," CJ said, pulling the thermometer out of Donna's mouth when it beeped. "97.9."

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "What about this other stuff?"

CJ took the second bottle from him and looked at the label. "It's for congestion," she said, quirking the corner of her mouth in thought. "I don't know why it would be a problem, but unless she's having trouble breathing let's try and wait until morning. I don't know, I just don't like the idea of putting more in her system right now than we have to."

"Well, I've forgotten most of what I learned in pharmacy school, so we'll go with the CJ Cregg 'Sounds About Right' Theory," Sam deadpanned. "Hey Donna, are you breathing OK?"

"Yeah," Donna's reply was muffled as she dug through the bag beside her and pulled a few things out. "That warm air thing really helped." Her eyes widened and she reached deep into the bag, pulling Jack out of it reverently. She looked up at CJ, who was all smiles.

"I found this little guy on your bed, so I brought him along as an afterthought," she said. "I thought you might want something to snuggle up with."

Donna looked down at Jack and felt exhausted tears stinging her eyes. "CJ, I...thank you. I really wan—" she stopped, finding she couldn't articulate how much having the stuffed animal meant to her. She hugged him to her chest tightly. "Thank you," she said softly.

CJ nodded. "That what you want to wear to bed?" She nodded to the clothes in Donna's lap.

"Uh huh," Donna said, plopping Jack down on the mattress beside her.

"OK," She squeezed Sam's elbow lightly as he continued to pour over the information from the pharmacy. "Outta here, Spanky."

*******************

"There's a difference between caffeine-free and decaffeinated, or so Donna says." Josh was sitting on the kitchen counter, his head tilted back against the cabinet, eyes closed.

"There is," Toby said, reading the tea box carefully as the kettle heated on the stove.

Josh furrowed his brow, never opening his eyes. "Just how the hell do you know that?"

Toby shrugged, pulling one of the packets from the box after he was satisfied that it contained no caffeine and was therefore acceptable under Donna's doctor orders. "Language is my business."

Josh chortled tiredly. "I'm gonna go get changed," he said, sliding wearily off the counter. "I actually think these clothes are still a little —"

"Yeah, speaking of that," Toby said, lowering his voice a few notches. "I guess you'll have to make do without whatever was in your duffle bag."

Josh narrowed his eyes at him, a mixture of exhaustion and suspicion clouding his brain. "What duffle bag?"

"The one you left at Donna's," Toby said, leaning against the counter casually. "You know, under the chair in the bedroom. I thought about grabbing it for you, but then I would have had to explain to CJ what it was, so I just decided to leave it. Whatever was in there, you'll have to do without it tonight." He reached up, opened the cabinet above his head, took out the canister of peanuts on the second shelf, peeled the plastic lid off and popped one in his mouth while Josh stood gaping like a fish.

When he finally found his voice, it was hoarse and weak. "It's not what it—"

"She was afraid to be alone," Toby said simply. "She was afraid to be alone at her place, so you stayed."

Josh regarded him carefully for a minute, then took a step closer. "CJ was on her constantly about staying here, and Donna was freaking out about image," he said in an emphatic whisper. "She pushed herself to go back to her place, but I didn't think she was ready to do it alone yet, so I—"

"Stayed," Toby finished calmly. "Like I said."

Josh put his hands on his hips and stared at his feet guiltily. "I stayed on the couch the first—"

"The first night or two, but Donna was worried about your back," Toby said before popping another peanut in his mouth.

"How the hell do you know about my—"

"I pay attention," Toby said pointedly. "Just because I don't mother you doesn't mean I don't know that you still have lingering effects from the thing."

Josh swallowed hard. "Toby, we're not—"

"Sleeping together?" Toby interrupted again. "Technically, you are. But if you're trying to say that's all you're doing...I know."

"How—"

"I know you," Toby said, as if that was explanation enough.

"Are you gonna tell CJ?" Josh asked quietly. "Because Donna doesn't need—"

"CJ's overboard on this thing," Toby said around another peanut. "She's always a little controlling on image issues, but she's like a parent chaperone since this thing. And anyway, I don't give enough of a damn to repeat it."

Josh exhaled, more than a little relieved. "How did you know?"

"Those ugly-ass running shoes of yours were beside the bag. It was either yours or Donna has freakishly large feet and equally bad taste in footwear." He popped one last peanut in his mouth, then put the lid back on the canister as the kettle started to whistle. "Do you know what you're doin', Josh?"

Josh snorted and rubbed his eyes with his hand. "I have absolutely no idea."

Toby nodded as he filled a coffee cup with water and dropped a tea bag in with a thinly veiled disdain for the activity. He turned to face Josh full-on.

"You get big points for your honesty in this conversation, and you get points for being there for her," Toby pointed in the next room. "I'm satisfied there's nothing wildly inappropriate going on here, and because she's earned it, and because the two of you have never exactly been traditional, I'm not gonna go squealing to CJ or giving you a hard time about it."

Josh nodded. "I appre—"

"I'm not finished yet," Toby said firmly. "I'm calling off CJ because we don't need any spin control. There's nothing to spin." He took a deep breath. "If that changes, if that ever changes, Josh, to the point that it starts to become...newsworthy, you need to let her know. The first call, Josh, goes to CJ, always. She's the one who's out there, staking both her personal and professional reputation on what she's saying. If she has to turn around and retract something that she said because you never bothered to tell her it wasn't true, it undermines her credibility. Your personal life is your business, but if it ever reaches the point that it's going to effect my day...you owe CJ the first call, is all I'm saying."

"Toby, I'm—"

"I'm not...that's just for future reference, OK? On whatever. Whenever."

Josh stared at him for a moment. "Ahkay."

Toby picked up the coffee mug, dunking the tea bag several times before pulling it out and dropping it in the trash can. He put the mug close to his nose and inhaled tentatively before jerking his face away. "God," he choked as he headed back toward the bedroom. "Seems to me Donna's had a rough enough night without having to ingest something so vile."

"Hey, Toby?"

He turned around to look at Josh, holding the mug as far away from him as physically possible.

"Thanks. You know, for the...for not squealing. And the other stuff."

"Oh, that wasn't a favor," Toby said. "You owe me. Big time."

"Gotcha," Josh said. "Thank you anyway."

Toby nodded and turned away. "Hey, you oughta call Leo and tell him what the doctor said."

"Yeah, I owe you for that, too," Josh said, reaching for the kitchen phone.

"It's been a banner night for me," Toby said thoughtfully.

******************

Ten minutes later, Donna was in her favorite pajama pants and Harvard sweatshirt, still working on her tea as CJ turned the bed back.

Toby stood at the foot of the bed, drumming his fingers on top of his head. "I don't know, CJ. If you bundle her up too much, you might contribute to a fever, but if you don't do it enough, she might get too cold, and we don't want that either." He looked up at her. "It's a tough needle to thread."

"Not for a man who made tea," Sam said, not bothering to hide his smirk.

"Hey, what did I say?" CJ arched an eyebrow at him.

"That you had officially put an end to the tea wars after my fifth smartass comment," Sam mumbled.

"And that was number 6," Toby grinned. "Which entitles me to retribution. What sort of retribution shall I chose? Should I make you write another draft of something that's perfectly fine, or should I chose to take this out on you physically?"

"I'm gonna take it out on both of you physically if you don't shut up," CJ warned.

In the meantime, Josh had appeared quietly in the doorway, mostly oblivious to the conversation. He was engrossed in watching Donna as she stared into the coffee mug.

She looked up eventually, feeling a set of eyes on her. "Drink your tea," he said softly, alerting the others to his presence.

"I don't really want any more," she said, scrunching her nose up.

"Dammit, Donna, that wasn't a request," Josh said, never raising his voice at all. Donna blanched, surprised. "You're going to follow doctor's orders to a tee or we're putting you back in the car and taking you back to the hospital." He opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. "I just got off the phone with Leo. You're on sick leave for the next two days, minimum. Drink your tea."

He left without another word, walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. Sam stood and headed toward the living area, dropping his hand briefly on the top of Donna's head. CJ busied herself with rummaging through Donna's duffel bag. Donna stared into her mug again. "He's pissed at me," she said softly, to no one in particular.

Toby lowered himself into the chair Sam had just vacated. "With reason," he said softly.

Donna raised her head, a rebuttal on the tip of her tongue, but relented, choosing instead to nod mutely.

Toby steepled his fingers and studied them intensely. "You have the right to spend the day, the week, hell, the rest of your life not talking to anybody if you don't feel like it," he said calmly to his own hands. "But you don't have the right to make others worry about your welfare. We were all very concerned about you tonight, and it was entirely avoidable."

"I'm sorry," Donna whispered.

"I'm not asking for an apology," Toby leaned forward and looked at her downturned face. "I'm telling you not to do it again."

Donna breathed in raggedly. "I won't. I'm...I really do apologize. To everybody," she turned and cast her eyes toward CJ momentarily. "Things just...got out of hand. I never intended to make anybody worry." She turned back to Toby. "And I want you to know...I'm seeing somebody. I mean, obviously not enough, but...I've been seeing a guy since the bank, and I'm gonna talk to him again tomorrow." She took a deep breath to steady herself, and swallowed the last gulp of tea in the mug. "It won't happen again," she said with conviction.

Toby nodded silently, and reached for the mug, which Donna gave him. He stood, studying the mug carefully. "I'm sorry about the guy," he said, before walking away.

************

"Leo said I could stay home tomorrow to avoid leaving her alone and risking a repeat performance, and I'm gonna take him up on it," Josh ran a hand through his hair as he and the guys headed back toward the bedroom. "I know it's not gonna make things any easier —"

"We can send you anything we need to," Sam waved the comment away with his hand. You've got a laptop, you've got a phone, we'll work around it. It won't be a big deal."

Donna's eyelids were beginning to seriously droop by this time. "Can I borrow something to sleep in?" CJ asked Josh.

Josh balked. "You don't have to stay."

"Somebody needs to," CJ said sympathetically.

"Well, it turns out I live here CJ, so it's a lot more convenient for—"

"You don't need to be up all night," CJ said. "You need some rest yourself, and anyway, the doctor said it would be a good idea if someone was right next to her in case she got worse."

Josh sputtered. "Well, I just thought...I mean I didn't think anybody else was gonna stay, so I just figured—"

CJ watched him for a moment, then laughed raucously. "Josh," she said sweetly, running a hand down his arm. "You're more tired than I thought. Stay on the couch, and I'll stay in here."

"CJ..." a sleepy voice drawled softly.

"For God's sake, CJ, it's not like—"

"We're not gonna discuss it," CJ said sweetly, but firmly. "She's gonna have to be woken up every hour to take her temperature, and you need to get some sleep tonight, Josh, especially if you're going to be the one staying with her tomorrow."

"CJ..." Donna tried again.

"You're acting like a camp counselor, you know that?" Josh retorted angrily.

"CJ." Donna raised her voice a notch.

Everyone looked down at Donna, who had her elbows on her knees, head in her hands.

"You OK?" Josh asked, dropping to his knees beside her.

She nodded awkwardly against her hands. "CJ..." she hauled herself upright again. "Thank you very much for staying," she said with pleading eyes. "I want you to. But...I need to talk to Josh about some things."

CJ shook her head, not quite getting the message. "Sure, Donna. I mean, if you want us to give you some privacy...or if you don't feel like it tonight, I'll leave for work early in the morning and if you're feeling up to it by then, I'm sure you could—"

"CJ," Donna drawled again, begging her to understand. "I'm...I need to talk to him about some things tonight."

Josh dropped his gaze to the floor.

CJ's facial expression changed. "Donna, I know you've had a scary day," She ran her fingers through Donna's hair affectionately. "And I know you feel safe with him here, but he's just gonna be right out on the couch and I'm gonna be here. It's better to do it this way so if there are any questions—"

"CJ," Donna said softly with tears in her eyes. "I appreciate what you're trying to do. And I understand that it...looks bad. I do. And I'm sorry. But...if I have a nightmare tonight, sometimes they're...I mean you remember how intense they can be, and..."

"He'll be right out on the couch, Donna," CJ said, trying her best to be a comfort. "We'll both hear you, we won't leave you alone, but Donna, I need you to work with me here, OK? I'm trying to be your friend and the White House Press Secretary at the same time, and I'm not feeling great about it anyway, so I need you to say you underst—"

"CJ," Toby interrupted. CJ looked up at him from where she had crouched by Donna. "I think for tonight, we're gonna worry a little less about image and a little more about Donna."

CJ made a funny face at him, like she didn't quite understand what he was saying. "Don't do that," she said finally. "Don't turn me into the heavy. You won't care about this until it's a problem, and then you'll make it my problem. And by then it will be impossible to contain."

"There's nothing to contain," Toby said, bringing his voice up one notch above hers. "If someone's got it, a White House staffer was treated for hypothermia at GW tonight and released, yes. She sustained the injury outside of work, so no further details are available. The White House does not comment on the personal lives of its staff."

"Well, brilliant, Toby, that'll shut 'em right up," CJ said, standing.

"It occurs to me," Toby said, taking a defensive posture, "That the way you control the gossip about the personal lives of the staff is by controlling the personal lives of the staff themselves!" CJ gaped at him. "Andi and the babies, Sam and the girl with the shady night job. Your job isn't to tell me or any other member of this staff what we can and can't do in our off-time. Your job is to spin what you're handed! There's no reason anyone outside the five of us ever needs to know about this. If somebody in the press room gets hold of the ER visit, then they do, but no one's gonna follow up with 'And where'd she sleep that night, CJ?'" He took a deep breath, and when he spoke again his voice was much softer. "The kid's had a hell of a day, and she feels safe with Josh. I think we can humor her this once."

CJ stared at him, a host of emotions playing across her face. After a moment she stepped away from the bed toward the door.

"CJ, come on, I still want you stay, it's just—" Donna started.

"It's OK," CJ said, voice thick with embarrassed tears she refused to shed. "Feel better, OK? I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"CJ, please don't leave like this," Donna pleaded.

CJ shook her head. "It's fine, Donna," she said. "It really is. I understand. If I were in your place, I'd probably feel the same way. I'll call you tomorrow, OK?"

Donna watched her sympathetically for a minute, finally nodding. "Thank you for everything," she said softly.

CJ smiled, making the tears swimming in her eyes that much more visible. "Anytime. Good night." Moments later they heard the front door close.

Josh pulled his hand across his face. "Shit."

"No kidding," Sam said.

Toby exhaled slowly through his nose.

Donna picked Jack up and held him in her lap. "She was so good to me tonight," she said, her own voice sounding close to tears. "I hate that she's hurt because of me." Josh, still kneeling beside her, laid a hand one knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"It's not just about you," Toby said. "She's had that coming for a while." He fell silent, bouncing on his heels for a second. "Coulda gone better, though," he said, looking at Sam.

Sam nodded. "No doubt." He stood, running his palms along the top of his legs as he did. "Give me your keys. I'll take her home."

"No, I'll take her. I'll probably be able to walk it back a little by the time I drop her off," Toby said. "You gonna stay here tonight?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah."

Josh looked up. "You don't—"

"Just in case, Josh," Sam cut him off.

"You'll call if anything changes," Toby said. It was not a request.

Sam nodded again. "Yeah."

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning." He fished his keys out of his pocket and headed for the front door.

Josh pushed himself to his feet and went after him. "Hey," he said as Toby shrugged into his coat in the living room. "The thing with CJ, do you think you're gonna be able to fix it?"

"I don't know," Toby said. "Eventually, sure."

Josh ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "She's been riding Donna about this pretty hard, but I didn't want her to end up hurt."

"Yeah," Toby said. "Do you have any idea how big you owe me now?"

Josh nodded, a tired grin playing across his face.

"Tell Donna I hope she feels better. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

*************************

Ten minutes later, Sam had changed into some of Josh's more comfortable clothes and was settling in on the couch. Josh had put Donna under the covers and checked her temperature one more time, feeling a deep sense of relief that there was no dramatic change.

"You need anything?" he asked, as he tucked Jack under her arm.

She caught his hand wordlessly.

"Sam's out there," he whispered, cocking his head toward the living room.

"He knows you're gonna stay," she drawled softly.

Josh nodded. "We've still gotta be careful," he whispered, setting the alarm on his watch for an hour and strapping it back on his wrist. He laid his head on the pillow and slid his legs beneath the covers. He nearly fell asleep then and there, but he fought his way back awake and rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand. "How do you feel?"

She picked nervously at the covers. "Fine. Tired."

He tucked her arms under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. "Go to sleep," he said softly as he rolled onto his back again. He closed his eyes and tried not to concentrate on the bone-deep exhaustion he was feeling.

"I'm gonna dream," a tiny voice said from his right.

He extended his right arm and she rolled over with great effort, molding herself to his side. "What do we say to that?" he said softly, holding her close with a hand on her waist.

Donna breathed out heavily. "That they're just nightmares. And that I've got you and Jack here to keep me safe."

"And Sam," Josh added. "This is becoming quite the group activity."

She nuzzled her face into his shoulder. "That's my fault. I'm sorry, Josh."

"You said that already, and we agreed we'd talk about it tomorrow." He pulled the covers high around her shoulders again.

Donna stared at the clock for a moment before finally saying, "It is tomorrow."

Josh lolled his head to the side. "So it is," he said with a tired smile. "Later tomorrow, then. Or...later today."

Another moment of silence followed. "I really don't want to dream about him."

"Then decide that you won't," Josh said firmly, forcing his eyes open. "If you lie here and think about it until you fall asleep, then of course that's what's going to happen, Donna. Think about other things. Try to help yourself out a little." He felt her nod against his shoulder. "I'm gonna have to wake you up every hour anyway," he said. "You won't have time to dream that deeply. Just...just look at it as an hour, ok? You're just grabbing a quick catnap."

She snuggled up even tighter to him, clutching Jack tightly to her chest.

"Sound doable?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered.

He turned his head and kissed her forehead, despite his still- smoldering anger. "Go to sleep."

She resolved to think about the things she wanted to dream about as she watched the rise and fall of Josh's chest. She laid her hand over his heart and felt it beating. He pulled the covers over her hand then clasped it lightly. She smiled sleepily at his attentiveness. Her thoughts drifted back to dinner Friday night. God, it felt like months ago now. The kiss on her doorstep, the index card, Valentine's Day, "Oh, Donna," and the covert kissing that had been packed into almost every spare moment. She felt herself drifting off in his arms. Maybe the other thing was the price she had to pay for getting this, for getting what she'd wanted for so long. Maybe it was a tradeoff: Josh for her sanity and peace of mind. She furrowed her brow. Hardly seemed fair. Then again, if she'd been offered the opportunity to make the choice herself, to make it ahead of time, knowing what would happen, would she have chosen any path that didn't lead to falling asleep in his arms? Her face relaxed slightly as she slipped into sleep. No matter how difficult the path, she probably would have chosen this anyway.

************

"Donna, put this under your tongue," Josh whispered softly.

She squished her face up and swatted him away.

"Come on, it'll only take a minute. You can go right back to sleep," he prodded.

She turned her face into the pillow, trying to shut him out.

"Donna, I need to check your temperature," he said firmly. "Work with me."

She cracked one eye open to look at him. "Time is it?" she croaked.

"2:43," he said, pressing the button on the thermometer before sliding it in her mouth. Donna swiped at her eyes sleepily as she waited. "Are you warm enough?"

"Mmm hmm," she mumbled. She was exhausted. She felt like she'd closed her eyes only seconds earlier.

Josh rolled onto his back and reset the alarm on his watch for an hour later. "Too warm?"

Donna shook her head. "Just tired," she mumbled around the thermometer.

"Don't talk," he chastised. "I ought to make you start over for that."

That shut her up pretty effectively. The thermometer beeped and he squinted at the display. "98," he said. "We'll just have to trust that that's accurate."

"It's accurate," she mumbled as she rolled onto her side to be near him again. "I only said two little words."

"Fine," he ran his hand up and down her arm gently. "You can sleep for another hour."

"Are you sleeping?" she drawled.

"Yeah," he said. "That's what the alarm's for."

She wrapped an arm around his ribs and hugged tightly to him. "You know what? It's worth it to have this," she whispered softly, but she was out before he could question the statement or begin to formulate a response.

***********

"Donna, wake up for a second," he whispered in her ear.

Donna cracked her eyes open wearily. "'Nother hour?"

Josh nodded as he fiddled with the thermometer, which finally beeped at him. "Here."

She held the thermometer under her tongue dutifully, watching him closely in the dim glow of the nightlight. There were things that she wanted to say to him. Apologies to make, explanations to offer, but she wasn't supposed to open her mouth with the thermometer, and she figured she'd given him enough grief for one night. She laid on her back with him bent over her, staring into his eyes as he looked back in hers. Eventually, her hand found his somewhere between them and she laced her fingers through his.

The thermometer beeped again, and Josh glanced at the display. "Ahkay," he said softly as he laid the thermometer back on the bedside table. "Go back to sleep."

She nodded and he began to roll away from her. "Hey." She tugged on his hand before he could pull it away. He looked at her with questioning eyes. "Aren't you gonna kiss me good night?"

He held her gaze for a beat of silence, then two. She began to worry that she'd pushed too far. That he was still too angry with her to be at all playful yet. That she'd just managed to make a bad situation worse. Then one corner of his mouth quirked up, and she stopped worrying. For the first time that night his face lost all traces of anger, concern, and sadness as he bent forward and captured her lips with his.

He hadn't deepened the kiss despite her unspoken invitation to do so, instead concentrating a few more moments on setting her lips tingling before pulling back. "Good night, then."

Donna breathed out in a huff as he turned onto his side and closed his eyes. "I had that coming, didn't I?"

"Donna, you've got way worse than that coming."

She closed her eyes and resigned herself to sleep some more. "I know."

She couldn't help but smile moments later, when she felt him roll back over and pull the covers up to her chin again.

********************

She shot straight up in bed 40 minutes later, gasping loudly for air. Josh was only a few seconds behind her.

"What's the matter?" he mumbled, reaching across her to hit the lamp. His concern had been that the bronchitis was hampering her breathing, but in the light he could see that he was wrong. Her tear-stained face and dazed eyes told him everything he needed to know.

"It's OK," he said softly, taking her head in his hands and tilting her face toward him. "Hey, Donna, it's OK."

Sam appeared in the doorway, raking a hand over his face. "What's wrong?"

Josh nearly jumped. He'd forgotten about Sam. "She had a dream, I think," he said, turning back to Donna.

Sam approached slowly, gingerly as he took in Donna's appearance. She rocked back and forth slightly, drawing her knees up and wrapping her arms around them, just like they'd found her in the park. "What do we do?" he asked softly.

"We figure it out as we go along," Josh said wearily. "Donna, look at me, please." He laid a gentle hand on the back of her head. "Don—"

She jerked her head up at that moment, swatting at her nose as she tried to swallow her tears. "Yeah?" she said, voice thick with emotion.

"You okay?" he asked, brushing her hair out of her face.

She nodded, stifling a delayed sob. "Yeah."

"You sure?"

She swatted his hand away gently. "Yeah. It was..." she laughed hoarsely as she dried her face with the tissue Sam handed her. "Stupid dream."

Sam sat on the edge of the bed. "You want some more tea?"

Donna shook her head. "Just...a little water, maybe?"

"Okay," Sam smiled softly and clapped her on the knee. "I'll be right back."

Josh watched Sam disappear into the kitchen. "What was it about?" he whispered softly.

"You know what it was about," she said woefully.

"I mean, what specifically..."

"He was here," she said, wrapping her arms around her legs and propping her chin on her knees. "I mean, of course," she drew a ragged breath, followed by a little cough. "Of course that's what it was. He was here." Her face contorted a little and she tilted her head so her forehead rested against her knees.

"He was never here," Josh said slowly. "And he's never gonna be here. Donna, the guy can barely walk right now."

"All of which I'm sure makes perfect sense to a sane person," she said, dropping her knees and picking at the covers. "Doesn't amount to a hill of beans in my mind."

"You're not—" he lowered his voice as Sam came back around the corner. "You're fine, Donna."

She drank the tepid water Sam had brought her and Josh leaned back against the headboard and ran a hand through his hair, trying to think his way out of a problem that didn't belong to him.

"You want us to sit up with you for a little while?" Sam asked as he took the glass back from her.

She shook her head. "I'm just gonna lie back down, OK?" Her exhaustion was evident in her tone.

Sam tried to smile encouragingly. "Okay." He adjusted the pillows behind her and kissed the top of her head before settling her back against them and turning off the lamp. Josh continued to sit against the headboard, staring into space.

"You need anything?" Sam asked when Josh made no move to settle back down.

Josh looked up at him and shook his head.

"Okay," Sam said, unsure what was going through his friend's mind. "I'll be on the couch," he tapped one of Donna's covered feet gently. She nodded and gave him a little smile. He pulled the door shut and moments later the light in the living room went off.

Donna reached over and laid a hand on Josh's knee. "What?"

He looked over at her, then slid down so he was lying flat on the mattress. "Nothin'."

"Just say whatever it is, Josh," she groaned.

"It's no big deal, Donna, it's nothing. It's just...I'm just thinkin' about some stuff. It's the middle of the night. Let's just go back to sleep and we'll talk about it when we talk about everything in the morning," he adjusted his position on the mattress like he was trying to find a comfortable spot.

Donna looked at her hands for a minute, the rolled wordlessly onto her right side, away from him. She pulled the blanket up around her own shoulders this time.

Once she'd quieted down, Josh opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. On her side, Donna stared at the wall, both of them searching the darkness for answers that didn't exist there.

******************

Half an hour later, the bedroom door opened partially, and Josh was hit in the face with a shaft of light from the living room. He squinted and raised his head to see Sam's silhouette in the doorway.

"Hey," he whispered. "You weren't asleep?"

Josh shook his head. "Not really."

"It's a little past 5. I'm gonna head home and grab a shower, change for work," Sam whispered, bending forward and propping himself up with his hands on his knees.

"Ahkay," Josh ground the heels of both hands into his eyes.

"You should try to go back to sleep for a little while," Sam said. "What time is Stanley due in?"

"Dunno," Josh said, putting one hand behind his head. "It started raining again."

"I heard it. He'll call you," Sam said. "You should go back to sleep." Josh nodded noncommittally. Sam leaned his head toward Donna. "She doin' alright?"

Josh glanced over at her. "Not a peep out of her."

"OK," Sam looped his tie around the collar of his rumpled shirt. "Your clothes are in the hamper."

"I have a hamper?"

"That large, basket-shaped container in your laundry closet?"

"I thought that was a trash can for the dryer sheets and stuff."

"I noticed," Sam whispered with a lopsided grin. "I'll call you in a few hours."

Josh nodded and Sam pulled the door closed again. He heard the front door seconds later and exhaled loudly, listening to the thunderstorm as it pounded the windowsill above his head. "You're not going back to sleep, are you?" he said to the darkness.

Donna rolled onto her back slowly. "No," she said, sounding small. "And neither are you, apparently, so why don't we just get on with this?"

"Why are you in such a rush to have this conversation?"

"Josh, just...ask me what you want to ask me."

"What I want to ask you?" he pushed himself back up and leaned against the headboard again. "What I want to ask you...the sheer scope and number of things I want to ask you, Donna, is—"

"Then start," Donna challenged, staring at the ceiling.

Josh scoffed. "I don't want to talk about it yet." The words sounded sharp to his own ears.

"Then, Josh, you'd better be prepared to let it go, because I'm not gonna be open to getting the fifth degree from you whenever you damn well feel like it," she snapped.

"Where the hell were you?!?" It came out of nowhere, surprising him more than it surprised her.

"In the park," she answered flatly.

"For six hours?!?" he snapped.

Donna breathed out heavily. "I went to the doctor. He gave me prescriptions. I took them to the pharmacy to get them filled. While waiting, I saw on the news that he'd been released." She stopped her rapid fire account of the afternoon and she considered how to describe what went through her mind. "And I took off."

"I'll say," Josh quipped.

Donna sighed. "You weren't joking about being pissed at me, were you?"

"Pissed? Pissed at you?" he got louder with each word, sitting up further and turning around on the mattress so he could look at her straight on. "I am so unbelievably, over-the-top, way past pissed at you that—"

"Why?!?" She threw her hands up.

"You scared the shit out of me, Donna!" he growled, smacking the headboard in the course of his anger and causing her to jump. He leaned forward over her prone form, placing one hand on the other side of her for support. "Can you understand that? We were out there for hours, looking in every...God, every coffeehouse, every bookstore, CJ and Toby were out on the Mall and searching the monuments, even Union Station. Sam and I, we went to your place, we went every place I could think of and there was no trace of you. It was like you'd dropped off the face of the earth. We knew you didn't have keys to let yourself in anywhere, we knew you didn't have any money, or your car..."

"How did you know?" she asked softly.

"What the hell does that matter right now?!? I was about to start searching ditches and back alleys for you, for God's sake!"

Donna flinched and looked down at her fingers, which had been nervously playing with the sheet. Josh's eyes went wide when he realized for the first time how aggressive he'd become. He pushed on the mattress and leaned back into an upright position again, clenching his jaw. "You scared me, dammit. That's why," he said in a low, even tone.

Donna gulped and nodded, still staring at her hands. Josh was staring at his own hand as he made a fist with it over and over again, clenching and unclenching, turning it over and doing it again. "And I'm sorry if I got a little...I don't know...just now."

Donna, who'd been shocked but never afraid, nodded again, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought when he obviously needed so badly to get this out.

Josh stared at his hand for a little while longer. "It's just, by the time we found you in the park...I mean, that was just happenstance. We just happened to be driving by, and I just happened to look up and see you, which was, frankly, nothing less than a small miracle, in the dark and the rain." He sat back further and continued studying the back of his hand. "You were in such bad shape. And I can't stop thinking that if...if we hadn't driven by when we did, or if I hadn't looked up at just the right moment, that we wouldn't have seen you at all. And then what would've happened, you know?"

"I don't know," she offered honestly.

"Yeah, me either," Josh snapped. "Would somebody else have found you and gotten you to a doctor? Would you have eventually decided to do it yourself? Or would you have stayed out there, and I'd be talking to the police right now and God knows what—"

"Josh, if I had an answer, I'd give it to you," she said softly. "I just...I don't know. I don't know what would have happened."

Josh raked his hand down his face and closed his eyes momentarily. He opened them and looked her in the face for the first time in several minutes. "You just...took off."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"What, you walked around?"

"For a long time, yeah," she said. "I just couldn't...I couldn't get my mind around it, you know? And if I stopped, if I went home, or to work, or came here, then everything was gonna be coming at me all at once. Phones ringing, people knocking on doors and stopping me in the street, everybody wanting something, and I didn't even know what I thought yet. I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't know what I needed. I didn't know anything, except that I didn't like it. I needed some time to think."

Josh leaned back on one elbow, picking at his fingernail. "Did you?"

"Think?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah," she sighed, closing her eyes momentarily. "I thought and I thought and I thought. And the more I thought, the more upset I got. The son of a bitch just—" She stopped herself and inhaled deeply, clearing her throat a little as she breathed out. I thought about what was gonna happen with the case, what was gonna happen with him, what I was gonna do. I thought about everything under the sun. I asked myself question after question after question. And I didn't come up with many answers."

He studied the pattern on the bedspread thoughtfully. "You should've...I'm pretty good at coming up with answers."

She smiled sadly and brushed her covered toes against his arm. "I know. I said I was thinking, I didn't say I was thinking clearly."

Josh nodded, still staring at the bedspread, seeming to truly try to absorb what she was saying. She nudged his shoulder again. "Didn't I tell you?"

Josh raised his eyebrows. "What?"

She smiled at him tiredly, tucking Jack against her side as she folded her arms across her stomach. "Royally fucked up."

He closed his eyes but couldn't stifle a small laugh. He rolled onto his back and rested his head on her legs near her ankles. "You're big on the self-criticism tonight."

"Well, I've earned it," she said sadly, almost wistfully. She watched him for a minute. "I'm in this a lot deeper than I thought I was."

"I think you think it's worse than it is," he said, lolling his head to the side to look at her.

"Says the man who just chastised me so harshly for scaring him that he actually scared himself," Donna arched an eyebrow at him. "Besides, you don't know what I know."

He squinted at her. "What's that?"

"What it's like to be in here," she tapped her temple lightly.

He smiled, his resolve to be angry with her diminishing by the second. He moved back up to the head of the bed. "I like it in there," he said softly, pressing a kiss to her temple, before settling down on his side next to her. "Seriously, I'm thinking of buying a summer home there." 

She ran the back of her index finger down his arm distractedly. "I wouldn't recommend it. Lately the neighborhood's been a bit...chaotic."

"Won't last," he said, rolling onto his back as a gentle clap of thunder rolled through the early morning sky. "I understand needing some time to think."

Donna looked at him with a knowing little smirk.

"What? I do. I understand needing some time to yourself, but the part I don't get is...Donna, I always thought you had sense enough to come in out of the rain," he leaned into her playfully, but sobered when she didn't smile back.

She shrugged. "I couldn't think of any place to go, you know?"

"Any place with an open door and a roof didn't seem like a good idea?"

She shook her head, staring into space a little. "Once it started raining, there was a little cafe I was going to duck into. I started across the street, but I realized something I hadn't before."

Josh furrowed his brow. "What?"

"It occurred to me," she said, lost in thought, "that there wasn't a single place I could go that didn't have the potential of being robbed."

Josh sat up, sure he didn't understand. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about it," she said, her eyes welling with tears. "It's not just banks. I mean they're the obvious choices, but if someone's desperate enough...and if you're willing to commit armed robbery, you've gotta admit you're pretty desperate...shops, restaurants, coffeehouses. They're all fair game."

"Donna, come on..."

"More than 3,800 robberies were committed in the district last year alone," she said softly. "All this week I've been acting like I had a terrible run of bad luck."

"You did, Donna," Josh insisted.

"I'm amazed it hasn't happened sooner," she said, one tear sliding down her cheek finally. "And when you look at it that way, it would be amazing if it didn't happen...if it didn't happen again." The tears started in earnest at the point, and Josh just stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Josh, just look at the odds...how many businesses, how many public places do you step into every day, each one with the potential to turn into a...and that doesn't even take into account the opportunity for a mugging. Hell, you don't even need a public place, these people can come for you between your house and your car, or even in your house or your car," she swiped at her face halfheartedly. "And I ought to know."

Josh gaped at her. "God, Donna, it's not gonna be like that. It was never anything more than a coincidence," he took Donna's face in his hands. "Hey, you said yourself it was just rotten luck." 

"I thought it was."

"It was, Donna."

She shook her head. "It's something we say to make ourselves feel better, Josh. Statistically—"

He leaned his forehead against hers. "We have got to do something about you and the Internet."

She closed her eyes and leaned against him. "I don't know what I'm trying to say. It's not like there are alternatives. You've got to go out in public." She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "It's a chance you just have to take."

"It's not a chance you...it's not anything, Donna. Look." He tilted her face so she was looking at him. "You're letting this thing mess with your head. You're letting him mess with your head."

She nodded. "I know. I never would have thought I was so weak." Her voice was sad, resigned.

"You're not weak," Josh said, running a thumb along her cheekbone. "You're off your game right now, yes, but it's not gonna be this way forever. You know that as well as I do."

She looked down and another two tears rolled down her cheeks. "I don't know anything anymore."

"I do," he said firmly, tilting her chin up again. "Donna, listen to me. He will pay for his crime. The evidence, the testimonies, the case against him is too strong. He may have won a small victory today, but he's gonna loose the war, and he's gonna go back to jail. And it's gonna be because you helped put him there."

She shook her head. "I didn't—"

"You did," Josh said. "With your statement. See how strong you are? I didn't even want you to do it, but you did. You found the strength to go back to your apartment. In 10 days, look what you've managed. God, have you forgotten what you did at the bank yesterday?"

"And through it all, I've been weepy and terrified and just...broken."

"How the hell else are you supposed to feel after something like this?"

"I don't know, but, somehow I don't think Mr. Williams is crying his eyes out over Bernard making bail," Donna sniffed.

"It wasn't like it didn't faze him," Josh said. "He told me he'd struggled with it some."

"Struggled with it some? Josh, I can't remember what it feels like to get through a day without breaking down in tears," she said. "I lost it when I found out he made bail and ended up putting myself in the hospital!"

"You're trying to do too much at once," Josh said earnestly. "It's been 10 days, Donna. Give yourself a little time, and a little credit for what you have done." He ran a gentle hand over the top of her head and down the back as she looked at her lap again. He kissed the top of her head as his hand came to rest on the back of her neck. "And for God's sake, would you stop trying to do it all on your own?" he said into her hair. "I'd love it if you'd let me in every once in a while."

She shifted positions so she could rest against him, resting her head in the crook of his neck. "You're in, Josh."

"When you want me to be," he said. "Other times, you just try to outrun me."

She ran a gentle hand down his torso as she breathed out softly. "I don't wanna take anybody down with me."

"You're not gonna do that, because you're not going down, Donna," he said as he cradled her head under his chin. "Not at the hands of this asshole. You're stronger than him."

She absently traced the fading line on her right wrist with her left index finger. "I might not be the same by the time it's all said and done."

"No," Josh agreed, surprising her. "You're gonna be better."

She sat up and looked at him, kissing him soundly for that statement. "Thank you."

"Thank you," he said with a lilt in his voice, tilting his head forward to kiss her again.

Donna tilted her chin back a fraction of an inch. "Still mad at me?"

Josh gave her a lopsided little grin and shook his head wordlessly.

"Good," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "It'll be light soon."

Josh twisted around to look out the window with her. "Yeah. Can you believe this rain?"

"Hey," she said softly. Josh turned around. "Aren't you glad the conversation's over with now?"

He ran a hand through his hair slowly, scratching his scalp. "Almost over with."

"You've got more?"

"I want more from you," he said, lacing the fingers of both hands through hers. "This isn't over, Donna. There's the trial, and there's...well, there's what happens when the sun comes up. You've still got...you know, there's miles to go."

"In more ways than one," she nodded.

"Promise me you'll slow down a little. Stop trying to sprint to the finish line. You're burning yourself out trying to do that, Donna, I mean I know that borders on psychobabble, but I—I really think that's what's been happening here," he let go of one of her hands and brushed at his forehead embarrassedly.

She smiled, her heart warming. "I promise."

"And no more...'taking off' for you. No more running away."

She felt the blush creeping up her cheeks. "I promise."

He looked to the side for a moment. "And you're gonna rest these two days, and you're gonna take care of yourself and not worry me any more than is absolutely necessary? I aged a decade tonight, Donna, I'm not kidding. So could you go easy for me? And on me?"

Her eyes stung at the thought of what she'd put him through that night. "Okay," she whispered. "Anything else?"

"You know the miles you've got to walk?"

"Yeah?"

He dipped his head, watching his hands as he held on to both of hers. "Promise me you'll let me walk them with you."

He lifted his eyes almost timidly, and she was a goner. That was the moment she fell totally, completely under the spell of Josh Lyman. "Yes, Josh," she whispered.

He smiled a relieved smile and kissed her again sweetly. "Will you eat a little before you go back to sleep?" he whispered against her lips.

She didn't want anything, but she knew it would make him happy, so she nodded, her face still pressed to his. He kissed her forehead and started to get out of bed, but one last tendril of uncertainty wrapped itself around her throat and she tugged on his hand with urgency. "Josh?"

He stood beside the bed, waiting for her to continue.

"You know what you said...about the light of day. About me being stronger than him. About him going to jail. About me getting better. You know all the stuff you said was gonna happen?"

"Yeah?"

She looked down at her lap. "What if that all turns out to be...well, to quote you, to be a load of hooey?" She looked up at him with a sad smile, then sobered. "What if you're wrong?"

He understood, instinctively, what she was asking. She wasn't asking for the "you'll be alright because I say so," speech. She wasn't asking for logical indicators for her recovery. She was asking for some sort of security. Some sort of guarantee, that even if things didn't turn out all right, that they'd somehow still turn out all right. Something to cling to in the darkest moments. He understood that, because she'd been that for him those years ago. She'd been what he clung to, if only figuratively at times. He understood, because the night she'd brought him back to this room and tucked him in after he'd had his hand stitched up, she was buzzing about the room, trying to pretend everything was normal as she'd tidied up, and he'd stopped her cold with a single question:

*********

"What if Stanley's wrong?"

She'd frozen in place with an armful of his dirty clothes held against her. "What?"

He'd put his uninjured hand behind his head and stared at the ceiling. "Stanley, the guy today. He told me that we get better. That's it. That's the only proof I have...that's the only thing I've got to go on. We get better. I'm supposed to dig myself out of this," he waved his bandaged hand around a little, "with that. We get better."

She'd opened his closet door and dropped the clothes into a laundry basket on the floor. "Well," she'd said, placing her hands on her hips as she surveyed the room. "You've gotta start somewhere, I guess."

"We get better," Josh had said again, sounding heavy, as he stared at the ceiling. "But what if he's wrong?"

Donna had breathed out slowly, willing herself to keep it together in front of him. "Well, then, if he's wrong...if he's wrong, you'll always have me."

Josh had dropped his eyes from the ceiling to her and stared, unsure what to say.

"What?" she'd asked, getting a little defensive. "It may not be much, but it's something."

"It's something," he'd echoed quietly.

******************

He leaned over her and laid a hand on her cheek. "If I'm wrong, then you'll always have me." She stared at him, eyes widening as the moment came back to her. He saw her eyes fill with tears. "I swear to God, Donna, I swear to God, I'll take care of you. I'm not gonna let you down. I mean, I know I have sometimes in the past but I'm...I swear to God I'm gonna take care of you, Donna."

She threw her arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly before she began kissing her way across his cheek to his mouth. It was a smoldering kiss, filled with fear and need and want and hurt on her part, with compassion and caring and tenderness and comfort on his. He eventually dropped to his knees on the mattress and she rose to hers. They held each other as tightly as they could, touching each other's hair, shoulders, backs, faces.

"Don't cry," he whispered against her lips when he brushed a thumb across her cheek and found it wet. "Don't cry anymore, okay? I swear to God I'll take care of you, Donna."

She tried to swallow all her tears in one big gulp. She opened her eyes and looked into his, and suddenly she knew what she needed to feel whole again.

"Make love to me," she whispered, her breath dancing across his lips and making him shudder.

"Donna—"

"Don't," she laid a finger over his lips. "Don't start. I don't care about anything else. I don't want to talk about anything else. There's nothing else that needs to be said. I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of worrying. I'm so tired of being afraid, so afraid, I feel like I'm shaking all the time. We just said everything that needs to be said, Josh. You'll always have me; I'll always have you. Take care of me, Josh. Make love to me." She felt like she would fall into his eyes if she looked any deeper into them. "Please."

In that moment, every other concern and issue that they'd been beating to death for the last few days, and in a manner for the last few years, fell away. He thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest. This was something she needed that he could do for her. And it was something he needed almost as badly, something he'd needed since he'd first known she was in danger 10 days ago. Something he'd needed infinitely longer than that.

He closed his eyes for a second, then opened them and kissed the pad of her index finger where it still laid against his lips. He took her wrist and moved her hand, wrapping his other hand around the back of her neck and kissing her like his life depended on it.

Somewhere several minutes later she moaned into his mouth and he remembered that this wasn't as far as he was allowed to go anymore. He took her face in both his hands and nibbled gently on her lower lip as he brushed his fingers across her cheeks, then trailed them down her neck gently to her shoulders, down her arms, brushing her breasts almost imperceptibly with his thumbs as he trailed lower until he wrapped his fingers around her hands. They entwined their fingers and Josh pulled her hands behind him momentarily, pulling her flush against him again and deepening the kiss once more. But eventually he pulled back, and brought their still-joined hands between them. He released her hands slowly, almost finger by finger, and she laid them both against his ribs when she was finally free to do so. He trailed one of his index fingers down the cracked decal of what used to be his sweatshirt before reaching the hem, which hung way past her waist. He bunched the waistband of the sweatshirt up in his hands and finally tore his lips from hers, staring into her eyes for a beat before pulling the sweatshirt over her head.

He'd tried to keep a straight face, to keep from ruining the mood and having her laud it over him for the rest of their lives. But he couldn't. Her head was barely free of the sweatshirt before he snorted loudly and trailed off into what could almost be characterized as giggling.

She furrowed her brow at him. "What?"

He pulled her into a tender hug and kissed her shoulder before resting his head on it. "How many layers do you have on, Don?"

"You said I needed to stay warm," she said innocently, looking down at the red tank top CJ had packed for her, probably because it had been left on the bed. She smiled when she remembered Josh's earlier reactions to this particular top. God bless dumb, clueless CJ.

Josh squeezed her tighter and shook with laughter against her, tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Are you just really tired or something?" she asked with a lilt in her voice, rubbing her hand up and down his spine.

He leaned back to look at her, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I guess so."

"Got a little ahead of yourself?" she asked with a mischievous grin.

"Got a little ahead of you, apparently," he planted a light kiss on her lips. God, it was good to see a smile on her face. "I was unaware of the layering."

He reached for her left arm, which was still in the sleeve of the sweatshirt thanks to him, and tugged at the fleece. She winced unexpectedly and he looked down to see that the sleeve had caught the tape they'd put on at the hospital to hold the gauze in place where the IV had been inserted.

"It's OK," she said, pulling the tape the rest of the way off. "It can come off now."

He found himself fixated with the tiny little mark in the bend of her elbow. He could barely see it in what little light they had. "Sorry," he whispered, placing his fingers around the site gingerly.

"It's all right, Josh," she'd tossed the gauze in the general direction of the wastebasket she knew was there somewhere in the dark. Mainly, she just wanted rid of it in case she'd bled onto the material a little. Nothing would kill the mood quite so quickly as Josh passing out. 

"Are you sure you're up to this?" Josh asked, pulling his eyes from her arm eventually.

She looked into his eyes for a moment, still panting from what, quite frankly, had been the best few kisses she'd ever had. He'd been holding out on her these last few days. "Oh, hell yes."

"I'm saying—"

She leaned forward. "Talk less," she mumbled against his lips. "Kiss me more."

She felt him smile, even though she couldn't see it this close to him. "Yes, ma'am." But he surprised her when he pulled his lips away. He bent and planted a gentle kiss in the bend of her elbow, then moved to her wrist, where he repeated the action. He moved to her other wrist, then up to her shoulder, where he placed kiss after kiss on the new pink skin.

She felt a healing begin to spread through her from that point outward, physical, emotional, almost spiritual. What had previously been her desperate need for him became somehow stronger.

"Josh..." she drawled, shivering when he began to kiss his way up her neck. "Let's take your shirt off."

"We already did that," he said against the side of her neck.

"That's my shirt and that's the end of that discussion," she smiled, wriggling a little as he flicked his tongue across her skin.

He lifted his head again and covered her mouth with his, their tongues playing gently. She trailed her fingers down his ribs until she found the end of his t-shirt. She took hold of the hem and tore her mouth from his a little reluctantly.

She tugged the shirt over his head, and he tried to slide out of it so quickly she would have laughed if she hadn't wanted him so badly. He wrapped his arms around her again, and she thought she'd melt, being surrounded by his bare skin.

He was running his hands down her back when she reached behind her and gently pulled them away. Their eyes met and he looked at her questioningly. She planted a chaste kiss on his lips and pushed him down gently, her hands on his shoulders. He leaned back against the headboard, still searching her face with curiosity. She looked into his eyes for a long moment before she finally dropped her eyes down to his chest, taking her first unobstructed look at the scar on his chest since the early days in the hospital.

Her heart felt like it stopped beating when she took in the sight. The long line was white and prominent running down the center of his chest, very noticeable in the early light from the gray morning that was dawning, but it was not the angry, raw red she remembered glimpsing from her spot in the chair by the bed when the nurses had changed the dressing. She flashed again on those moments in the observation lounge as she watched his surgery that awful night, and was once again besieged by those feelings. The fear, the pain, the anxiety. She closed her eyes, remembering the silent bargaining she'd done with God that night, begging for his life in exchange for, well, almost anything. All she had to offer and even a few things she didn't.

"It doesn't hurt anymore."

She opened her eyes to find him staring at her with complete adoration. "What?"

"I know what you remember. It was so bad at first, and before that, I know you worried..." he took her hand and laid her palm flat against the scar, and she felt his chest rising and falling, heart beating rapidly with the excitement of the moment. "It doesn't hurt anymore."

She felt one tear fall, but wiped it away with her free hand as she nodded. She bent over him and picked her hand up, entwining her fingers with his kissing her way down the length of the scar reverently. His breath hitched as she did, causing his chest to jerk a little. With each kiss, she relived moments in his recovery. The first time he woke up with her next to him, the first time he'd managed to make her laugh with a groggy joke, the first time they helped him to his feet and the times he'd been in so much pain after his respiratory therapy that he couldn't hide the tears.

When she reached the bottom of the scar, she moved toward his left side, to the round white scar that marked where the entry wound had been. She brushed her thumb very gently across the scar and followed that with a kiss.

"I'd never seen anything like that in my life," she whispered, beginning to slowly work her way back up toward his face. "Not before, and not since. I'd never seen anyone fight so hard, deal with so much. You're so strong, Josh," she kissed his lips again tenderly. "Why do you ever doubt yourself? You're so strong. Look what you did."

"What you helped me do," he said softly, pulling her down for another kiss. "You were right there for all of it. The choice was pretty clear then."

She smiled down at him. "Are you saying you got better so I'd stop nagging you?"

He shook his head, a gentle smile tugging the corners of his mouth. "I did it to make you happy," he said sincerely. He pulled her close to him and kissed every part of her he could reach. "I would have done absolutely anything to make you happy. It's why I did those breathing exercises, it's why I choked down that God-awful hospital food. I would have done anything," he surprised her by rolling them both over so he was on top of her. She felt him grin against her cheek. "Even lassoed the moon." She laughed and ran her fingers into his hair. "Even back then. I think you've always had me wrapped around your little finger."

She smiled, loving the feel of him nibbling on her shoulder. "If only I'd known sooner. I could've worked it to my advantage."

"As opposed to all the times you never tried to work it to your advantage anyway?" he said against her collarbone. "I love this shirt. Have I mentioned that I love this shirt?"

She giggled, and all-out schoolgirl giggle. "You have."

"Outstanding," he said against her sternum. "I'm done with it though." He ran his hands down her sides and under the tank top, sweeping it off in a much more fluid motion than he had with the sweatshirt. He  drank in the sight of her as she laid back against the pillows again, absently tracing her fingers on his chest.

"God," he whispered. "You are so..." he dipped his head and began to kiss his way down her sternum again, "amazing. You're so beautiful, Donna." She felt his breath on her breast a split second before he took her in his mouth, and she couldn't help but whimper his name and plunge her fingers into his hair. Eventually, he kissed his way across her chest to the other side, using a combination of his tongue and his fingers to caress her gently and make her moan in satisfaction.

After a while, he began to kiss his way down her stomach, and he lavished just as much attention on that as he had every other part of her, and for some reason the idea of that nearly drove her over the edge, making her moan his name loudly.

He untied the drawstring at the waist of her pajama pants with his teeth, making her giggle again, and he eased the material over her waist gently, planting an open-mouthed kiss on her hipbone as he pushed the rest of her clothes down her legs, struggling a little at her feet. She smiled down at him as he knelt by her legs on the mattress, one hand splayed comfortably on her stomach, the other trailing her fingertips down his side. "What are you doing, exactly?"

"Trying to get everything off over these socks," he said, concentrating on her feet.

"The socks are coming off anyway, Josh," she shook her head in disbelief.

"The hell they are," he looked at her pointedly, somehow managing to keep his eyes locked on her face. "You're not gonna get sick again because of me."

She propped herself up on her elbows. "Josh, listen to me very carefully. I don't care if we're buck naked in 8 inches of snow. I'm not doing this with socks on. And for that matter, neither are you." She kicked everything off her ankles and raised her eyebrows at him suggestively. "Now would you get back up here?"

"You know what, I think I'm just gonna turn the heat up a couple of degrees—"

"Josh," she said forcefully. He forced himself to stop talking. "There is a naked woman in your bed who—"

That was all it took. He crawled back up her at the speed of light and crushed her mouth with his, hands roaming all across her skin as he settled against the length of her. She tried to keep up, but after a while simply wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tried to hang on for the ride. His touch on her body felt like every amazing dream and fantasy she'd ever had rolled into one. He kissed and caressed every inch of skin, held her close and nuzzled her neck, whispered her name with a reverence she'd never heard in his voice before. Joy stronger than any negative emotion she'd experienced in the last 10 days, stronger than anything she'd experienced in her life flooded through her. This was more real than anything else in her life. This was what she'd been missing.

She cradled him to her as close as she could, her hands running the expanse of his bare back possessively. The feel of his chest against hers, with nothing between them made her smile and pepper his neck with gentle kisses. She finally regained hold of her faculties just enough to hook her fingers in the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers and try to push them down while he continued his worship of her.

He eventually caught on to what she was trying to do and helped things along, rolling away from her only as long as he had to and returning with the blanket in tow, pulling it over both of them as he settled down over her.

They both moaned at the feel of each other, and he captured her lips in a searing kiss.

"This..." he kissed the dimple in her chin sweetly. "This is gonna change things. Everything is gonna be different now."

She looked up at him and laid a hand on his cheek. "Better now," she whispered.

He brushed his lips against hers. "Everything is gonna be better now," he echoed.

She ran her hand through his hair slowly. "I could stand for things to be better."

He kissed the inside of her wrist. "Donna, I swear. I swear. I'm gonna be here. Promise me you know that I mean that."

"I know you mean it, Josh." He kissed her lightly. "You'll take care of me," she repeated.

"I swear I'll take care of you," he said against her lips.

"And I won't leave again," she said, finding deeper meaning in the words.

"Thank God," he whispered against her neck.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders again. "Joshua," she whispered. He pulled back and looked deep into her eyes. "Now," she whispered. "I need you now."

He smiled and kissed her tenderly, settling himself closer to her. He pulled his head up at the last minute. "We need—"

"No," she took his face in her hands. "I need you, Josh. Just you."

Their lips fused together as he pushed inside of her gently, both of them gasping and groaning into each other's mouths. Somehow he found her hand and laced his fingers with hers before he started to move.

"God, Josh," she gasped.

He buried his face in the crook of her neck. He wanted to tell her...everything. What he thought, what he felt, what he wished for. But the experience was so far beyond words that he didn't know where to start. Being inside of her, being connected to her on all these levels, was like coming home.

He began whispering to her every coherent thought his brain could form knowing none of it would ever come close to what he wanted to convey. He told her how good she felt, promised her that he'd always take care of her, promised her that he'd always be there to do that, remembering the fear that she'd shared with him that night on her doorstep. He'd whispered to her that she was beautiful beyond words and that he didn't deserve her. He told her, in a moment of weakness he hadn't planned on having, that he didn't know what he'd do without her, how he'd handle it if anything ever happened to her.

She caressed his face lovingly. "Couldn't do this without you," she said. She'd pulled him close and whispered in his ear that he was strong and brave. She thanked him for believing in her. She'd thanked him for living and healing as she placed her hand over his heart. She told him, as a tear had trailed across her temple and into her hair, that she'd never known a better man. Never known a better heart. She swore to keep the promises she'd made to him in the last few days.

He nodded, squeezing her hand where it lay, still joined with his beside her head on the pillow. "You'll always have me," he said again.

She smiled and looked up at him with watery eyes as she squeezed his hand back. "You'll always have me," she echoed.

She screamed his name and held tightly to him when she fell over the edge, and he was right behind her, whispering her name over and over again in a way that made her feel like the sexiest woman alive.

He kissed her with a newfound tenderness when they began to catch their breath. There were tears on her cheeks and his eyes were bright. He rolled them over again and she molded to his side as he held her in his arms.

He'd drifted momentarily, but another clap of thunder had roused them both. He'd quieted her and told her to sleep for a while. She pretended to be uninterested, but within minutes he felt her breathing even out.

He knew he should sleep, too, and he wanted to, but he couldn't make his brain stop working. Tuesday morning was dawning wet and miserable over the city. He smiled to himself ruefully. He was going to keep this from her. He'd planned all along to keep this from her. He'd kept it from himself pretty successfully for years, and then, after last weekend, he'd decided it was for the best that she not be told, at least not yet.

Then he'd flown in the face of that plan and told her, and he'd had the best weekend of his life. Best and worst. His joy at being with her was offset by the torment she had experienced. They'd made plans together, then, to take things slow, to think things through, to be mindful of issues like image.

And now, barely a week after admitting to himself that he had feelings for her, Donna Moss was naked in his bed, in his arms. And he didn't have the slightest desire to change any of it.

Josh sighed to himself as he pulled the covers a little higher around Donna's shoulders and kissed her forehead. There was no going back now. No going back and no standing still, he thought to himself with emotion bordering on unbridled glee.

He made a mental note: They were going to need a new plan.