Donna couldn’t see, but her ears were on overload. She was surrounded by gunfire and footfalls, mixing and mingling together in a chaotic symphony that grew louder with every passing second. Then, without warning or preamble, everything fell silent again.

She opened her eyes, and instead of the tacky drop ceiling in the bank lobby, Donna was looking at a tray ceiling in a guest room in the Residence. She lay there for a moment, curiously considering the vivid dream. She wouldn’t consider it a nightmare, really. She didn’t wake up screaming or scared. She just...woke up. Her eyes traced the contours of the crown molding at the edges of the room, studied the ornate light fixture.

She sat up slowly, shoulder protesting, but not really hurting much. She leaned back against the headboard. She felt OK, better than when she’d fallen asleep, but she was kind of lightheaded. No. Buzzing. She was kind of buzzing. She rolled her eyes. Damned Vicodin.

She stayed still another minute or two, listening to the calming tick-tock of the clock in the corner. Then, she sat up, slipped into her shoes and opened the door.

When she stepped out into the hallway she could hear the First Lady’s voice. She followed it to the main sitting area, where Abbey was reclined a little on the couch, phone to her ear, file folder open in her lap, glasses twirling in her right hand. She looked up when Donna entered.

“Ellen, I’ll have to call you back.” She hung up the phone and looked at her watch. “Well, you got a couple of hours, anyway.”

Donna nodded.

“How do you feel?”

“Pretty goofy, thank you very much,” she said, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

“Sounds about right,” Abbey said, pulling her bag out from under the end table. “Sit.”

Abbey checked Donna’s pupils again with the pen light and took her blood pressure one more time.

“Okay,” she said, giving her an approving look as she took the stethoscope from her ears. “I think you’re good.”

“Good?”

“To go.” Abbey supplied.

“Oh!” Donna stood up.

“Get some sleep tonight,” Abbey advised.

“Yeah, I don’t think we have to worry about that,” Donna muttered. “I haven’t slept this much in a day since I was in nursery school.”

Abbey ignored her. “And eat a full, balanced meal tonight. Josh has orders to get some food in you, so if you don’t, I will find out, and then he will be the one in trouble.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“OK. Get outta here,” Abbey waved her away.

“OK.” Donna took a few steps toward the door before turning back. “Abbey? I just wanted to…say thank you, you know, for earlier. Well, for earlier and then for…after.”

“No problem,” Abbey said dismissively. “Oh, don’t forget this,” she handed Donna her bag from earlier in the afternoon.

“Thank you,” Donna said and looked at her for a long moment. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later,” Abbey said, trying to sound casual. Donna disappeared down the hall, and Abbey looked at the door for a moment, lost in thought.

*********

“I’m sorry I’m just now calling you, but things kinda started happening fast,” Josh said into the receiver. “No, I think she’ll be OK, Karim. She’s…you know, I think it’s gonna take a while, but I think she’ll be all right.” He listened for a moment. “I know. Listen, I’m sure she wants to see you, too, but I don’t know when she’s going to be ready to go back down there.” He was turned away from the door, feet propped on the low windowsill. “Yeah. You know, I think she might like that. I’ll ask her…yeah, we’ll be in touch. Bye.”

“That was Karim?” Donna asked from her spot leaning against the doorjamb.

Josh nearly toppled the chair in his attempt to recover. “Would you quit, with the sneaking and the covert and the stealthiness?” he asked her playfully.

Donna would not be deterred. “That was Karim?”

“Yeah,” Josh said, on his feet now, hands on his hips. “He wanted to check in, see how you were.”

“And what did you tell him?” she asked, a hint of defiance in her voice.

“That you’re fine,” he said firmly. She raised an eyebrow at him. “That you’re gonna be fine,” he amended. He kept his voice firm.

“But that at the moment, I’m a basket-case, huh?” she said, coming into the office and dropping into one of the chairs.

“Donna, don’t.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again with a little huff. “Fine.”

“You sleep OK?”

“Yeah,” she said shortly.

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“Are you?” Donna tried to sound nonchalant.

“Yeah, sure.”

“OK. If you’re done,” she said, not quite pulling off the casual air she was hoping for. If Josh noticed he didn’t say anything. He dropped his laptop and a few files in his backpack.

Donna gathered up her things and they were on the way out the door a few minutes later. “I need to stop by home and pick up a few things, if that’s OK,” Donna said.

“Sure,” Josh said.

************

“It’s warm in here,” Donna said distractedly as Josh closed the door to her apartment behind them.

“I must have forgotten to turn the thermostat back down last night,” Josh said. “Get whatever you need, I’ll turn it back down. You…you want to spend a few more nights at my place, right?”

Donna turned a little quickly, ready to utter some dismissal about not needing to, but realized it would have been an act. “If…if you don’t mind.”

Josh smiled a little and shook his head. “No.”

Donna couldn’t help but smile back at his dimpled grin. “OK, I’m just gonna…” she motioned toward her bedroom.

“’Kay. Take your time,” Josh said, pretending to busy himself with the thermostat.

In her room, Donna packed a few personal comforts and opened the closet, thinking she’d grab a couple work outfits. She flipped through a few things and pulled down two easy suits, dropping them in another, smaller duffle bag she'd dug out from under the bed.

In the living area, Josh tried to busy himself with picking up here and there, but Donna was so compulsively neat that other than a stray item here and there from last night, there really wasn’t much to be done. He was nervous, he recognized. She had been a little weird after she’d woken up in the Residence. It felt like she was challenging him a little on small things. He could only imagine what she would say when Stanley showed up with his questions and his unflappable manner and his, “Nothing you say can hurt me” attitude. Josh knew people, and he knew how to break most of them. But that man was almost...not of this world.

Donna came out of the bedroom with her arms full, and Josh moved immediately to take her things from her. “I wanted to get another coat,” she said and headed to the coat closet door.

Josh hoisted the small duffle on his shoulder and looked at the clear dry cleaner’s bag in his hand. “Hey, why do you need something so formal?” he asked, looking at the black sheath dress and matching blazer under the plastic.

Donna closed the closet door and leaned against it, long wool trench in her hands. “I was going to wear it to the memorial.”

Josh blinked. “What mem—”

“I assume there’s going to be one? For Fred? A public memorial service of some kind I could go to?”

“Well,” Josh didn’t know where to begin. “I’m sure there is, but...Donna, are you sure you want to...”

“I should, Josh,” she said firmly.

“But after this afternoon, I don’t know if that’s the best—”

“Look,” she said, pushing herself off the door and stepping toward him. “Don’t do this, OK? Don’t go all mother hen on me. It happened. For some reason I blocked it. But I remember now and...I don’t know, Josh, he died in this thing. And I just think I should pay my respects to his family. It isn’t about me.”

Josh looked at her for a moment. “Okay. CJ’s office will know. I’ll find out if there’s a public memorial.”  And we’ll go if Stanley OK’s it, he added silently.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “OK, I’m ready.”

The ride back to Georgetown was mostly silent. Those who saw Josh and Donna constantly at it in the halls of the West Wing may have been surprised, but comfortable silences weren’t that unusual for them, especially away from work. But something about this silence wasn’t quite...comfortable.

“So what do you think you’ll eat for dinner?” Josh asked after a few minutes. “The First Lady has threatened me with bodily harm if—”

“I know. She told me,” Donna said, looking out the window.

“Do you wanna pick something up on the way?”

“No, I can’t think of anything I want specifically.”

Josh tried to let it go, but couldn’t hold back a sigh.

“You’ve got to eat, Donna.”

“I know that, Josh, but I can’t stomach the thought of anything, so what do you want me to do? I’ll tell the First Lady I cleaned out an all-you-can-eat buffet tomorrow, but I can’t think of a thing that sounds appetizing or even tolerable right now!”

They were silent for a few seconds. Josh pulled up to a red light and waited.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly after a few minutes. “I don’t know why I keep doing that. I just...Josh, you’ve been great. I mean you’ve been really amazing, just...ignore me when I do that OK? I appreciate everything you’re doing, but I’m just so sick of thinking about it.” She never turned her gaze from the window.

“I know.” And he did. He really, truly did. There comes a point that you’re so sick of thinking about it you’ll literally do anything to distract yourself. Obsessively monitoring CJ’s press briefings, willing the phone to ring for contact with the outside world, taking up theoretical physics as a hobby. Been there.

Without looking away from the window, Donna reached a gloved hand over and laid it on his knee, a silent thank you for his understanding.

“Tell you what,” he said. “We won’t.”

She looked at him finally. “Won’t what?”

“We won’t think about it any more for the night. From this moment on, we will enjoy a night free of any thoughts about the thing.”

Donna looked at him like she couldn’t fathom such a concept. “And...do what?” she asked, genuinely intrigued.

Oh, Donna, he thought, heartbroken at how quickly this event had taken over her life. He didn’t let it show, though. “You pick. Anything you want. Absolutely anything.”

She looked out at the road and then shook her head. “I don’t know. I can’t...think of anything. Why do you suppose I can’t make a simple dec—”

“Eh!” Josh made a buzzer sound with his voice. “I’m afraid there’s no supposing of any kind on the Night Free of Thought.”

Donna smiled a little. “I don’t know what I want to do.”

“OK. We’ll play that game, that, what is it called, where you don’t think, you just answer as soon as you hear the question?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“What’s it called?”

“I don’t know what it’s called, but I know what you’re talking about,” she said, quickly becoming more amused with the idea.

“I don’t know what it’s called either,” he said, furrowing his brow a little as he looked at the road.

“Does it matter what it’s—”

“We’ll call it the Game Free of Thought,” Josh announced.

Donna shook her head a little. This is why she didn’t like being on the Vicodin. That actually seemed to make sense. “O....K.” What? She had to at least pretend to be lucid.

“Okay, here we go. Clear you head of all thought,” he said.

Donna closed her eyes and sat straight in the seat. “OK.”

“Let your mind go blank,” he said in a ridiculous sing-song voice.

“It’s blank,” she said.

“Force all unnecessary activity in your brain to—”

“Josh, for God’s sake!” she looked over at him.

“Ahkay,” he said, finally dropping the singsong tone. He inhaled sharply, “What do you want to do, go out or stay in?”

“Stay in,” she spat out.

“Do...you wanna surf the Web or watch TV?”

“TV.”

“OK. Do you wanna watch TV or kick my ass at Trivial Pursuit?”

Donna’s eyes flew open. “Hmm, kicking your ass does have its upside...”

“Are you thinking?”

“Sorry.” She closed her eyes again.

“TV or Trivial Pursuit?”

“TV.”

“Okay, we’ve got our activity for the night,” Josh said, glad he wasn’t going to have to suffer through Trivial Pursuit. “Watch a movie or watch CNN and mock Republicans?”

“Movie.”

“Damn, and things were looking up for me until then,” he said. Donna cut her eyes at him. “Rent or watch something I’ve got?”

“Something you’ve got. Half my collection is at your place anyway.”

“Okay. Okay, so we know what we’re doing with the evening.”

“Hey, look at that!” she said, a little surprised at how happy she was with the night’s plans.

“See what good things can happen if you just trust me?”

The words hung in the air for a moment. “Yeah,” she said seriously.

Josh looked over at her and then forced his eyes back to the road. He cleared his throat. “Okay, but we’re not done.”

“Oh. OK.” She sat straight in the seat again and closed her eyes.

“Let your mind go blank...” he started again in the singsong tone.

“It’s blank, it’s blank!”

“OK. This is the open-ended portion of the Game Free of Thought. Imagine yourself, at my apartment, in the near future...”

“Isn’t imagination a form of thought?”

“No, imagination is allowed, but all analytical thought is forbidden on the Night Free of Thought.”

“OK. I’m at the apartment.”

“You’re about to put in some girly movie that I despise instead of letting me watch something that would allow me to retain my dignity as a man,” he said.

“Check.”

“You’re wearing my Harvard sweatshirt that you shamelessly stole.”

“I’m wearing my Harvard sweatshirt that never belonged to you,” she said, matching his tone.

“OK that’s a little bit of artistic license, but we’ll go with it. Can you see it?”

“Yeah,” Donna said, not sure of where this was going.

“OK, in the scene we just described...”

“Yeah?”

“What are you having for dinner?”

Donna intended to scold him, but before she knew what was happening, she heard her own voice say something involuntarily. “Grilled cheese.” She slapped her hand over her mouth, surprised.

“Grilled cheese?” Josh looked at her.

“Yeah,” she sounded utterly floored. “I...I think I could eat a grilled cheese sandwich.”

Josh looked up at the roof of the car for a second, taking a mental inventory of his kitchen. “I think I have all the stuff for grilled cheese.”

“Wow,” Donna said, eyes wide. “This is indeed fortuitous.”

“Okay, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but when you’re loopy you talk a little like Ainsley Hayes.”

************

Half an hour later, Donna and Josh had both changed into comfy clothes, including the now infamous sweatshirt. Donna had taken her antibiotic since she was about to eat dinner, which reminded her to change the bandage, which Josh did both without hurting her and with passing out. Well, completely out. Josh was now in the kitchen finishing up dinner while she rifled through the DVDs in the den.

“Dinner is served,” Josh said, as he came in carrying two plates with coffee mugs balanced on them.

“And I still have not made my selection,” Donna said from the floor. “I don’t want anything sad, but I’m not in a Jim Carrey-level silly mood either.”

“No action stuff,” Josh said as he set the plates down on the coffee table. He’d been floored the first time he watched a movie with shooting in it after Rosslyn. He never even thought about it before. Now…he used to love The Godfather. But today, even almost four years later, he still couldn’t watch parts of it. Donna didn’t need that kind of experience tonight.

“No,” Donna agreed with them as she flipped through the movies. It had been a knee-jerk reaction. Josh didn’t like movies with shooting in them after Rosslyn. She’d never been a huge action-adventure fan, but even less so after that night. They’d gotten rid of most of the movies in his collection like that years ago. He knew she knew better than that. Then it hit her. Josh didn’t say that because of himself; he said it because of her. Because she might not react well to something with shooting in it…or a bank robbery. “God, I didn’t even think about that,” she whispered, looking up at him.

“That is because this is the Night Free of Thought,” Josh said, going for broke with the misdirection. “Pick something already, our food’s getting cold.”

It was the last DVD in the pile, but it was perfect. Not too heart wrenching, not too ridiculous, not at all violent. “Got it!” She took the disc out of the case and tossed the case at him as she moved to the DVD player. She grinned once her back was to him. She knew what was coming next. It was part of the routine.

“NO! We are not doing this!” he moaned from the couch.

She turned around and sat on her feet in a full-on pout. “You said! Anything I want.”

“When Harry Met Sally, Donna? Neither one of us has broken up with anyone lately.”

“It doesn’t have to be a post-breakup movie, Josh.”

“Well, that’s not what you say every other time you make me watch it!” he whined.

“No, it’s required viewing after a breakup,” she amended. “It reminds you that the person you’re waiting for is out there somewhere, so not to give up hope. BUT after a breakup is not the only time you can view it.”

“Donnaaaa,” he tried one last time.

He’d been reduced to begging. The ritual was nearing its close. “You like Billy Crystal. You have a crush on Meg Ryan. Don’t even start,” she put a hand up when he opened his mouth to deny it. “Not to mention the most important part, which is that YOU SAID I could pick what we did tonight. ANYTHING I want. That’s what you said. I distinctly remember.”

Josh fought to keep from smiling. “Fine. But the same rules apply tonight as post-breakup night. NO ONE is to know this, Donna. I’m already catching hell from Toby about the smelly soap stuff in the bathroom and having tea in the cupboard. He is NOT to know about this movie.”

“It’ll be between you, me, Harry and Sally,” she said as she settled in on the couch and reached for her plate, picking up the coffee mug. She squinted in the dim light. “What’s the matter with this coffee?”

Josh laughed, a hearty, raucous, thoroughly amused laugh. “Boy, you really are out of it, aren’t you? I could have some real fun with you while you’re on this stuff. It’s tomato soup, Donna.”

“Tomato soup?”

“Yeah,” he said, fiddling with the remote control.

“I don’t…did I request tomato soup?”

“You requested grilled cheese,” he said as if that explained it.

“And…tomato soup is a grilled cheese sandwich how?”

“Tomato soup,” he said, slowing down his speech and turning to her, “is an integral part of the grilled cheese experience.”

Donna looked back down at her plate, her brow furrowed. “It is?”

“Isn’t that how you always had it when you were a kid? This is how my dad used to make it. Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. You don’t have to actually request the tomato soup. The tomato soup is implied.”

Donna smiled. That was maybe the sweetest thing she’d ever heard. “In a coffee mug?”

“Always in a coffee mug,” Josh assured. “Otherwise it’s not grilled cheese.”

“The coffee mug on the plate beside the sandwich actually effects the molecular structure of the sandwich?”

“It effects the taste of the sandwich,” he said confidently.

She couldn’t resist asking. “And...putting the mug on the plate? Was that so you could carry two?”

“No, that’s how you do it,” he said, looking at her seriously. “It’s part of the whole...I don’t know, the presentation.”

She laughed fully, completely, without a trace of futility or anger or self-deprecation. “I can’t believe you never told me that before.”

“I didn’t realize I hadn’t,” he shrugged. “I thought everybody knew how to make grilled cheese.”

In that moment, illuminated by the glow of the television, Donna didn’t think he’d ever, ever looked more adorable.

The night proceeded according to plans. Donna ate her whole sandwich and finished most of the mug of soup. She smiled at the funny parts in the movie, and just like on post-breakup night, ended up with her feet in Josh’s lap before Sally called Harry to her apartment because she’d heard Joe was getting married.

She fell asleep sometime after Jess and Marie’s wedding, lulled into slumber by Josh unconsciously rubbing his thumb back and forth across her shin. Josh heard her breathing even out and watched her sleep for a while, deciding to let the movie finish out before he made her get up and go to bed.

Then something unexpected happened. He was sitting there, watching the movie he’d seen so many times he could recite some scenes, and he began to identify with parts of it he never had before. He always knew he and Donna were a bit of an odd couple, like Harry and Sally, and they’d had the “Can men and women be friends?” discussion numerous times before. They’d both decided that men and women could truly be friends sometimes. After all, they were. But as Josh watched the end of the movie, where Harry was hit with the realization that he loved Sally, and went running through the streets of New York to find her and tell her, Josh felt his own chest constrict. Harry just realized he couldn’t lose her. All of sudden this cocky guy, so full of himself, so used to being on his own, realized he was nothing without this woman, this ethereal, funny, flighty, brilliant, amazing woman, and the truth was, he’d loved her all along. It took almost losing her to make him realize what he’d known deep down for years.

As Harry and Sally talked about their wedding on the television screen, Josh looked at Donna’s sleeping face. It took almost losing her to make him realize what he’d known deep down for years. Oh, God. He didn’t know whether his heart was full or empty. When the hell did this happen? When did he fall in love with Donna? And NOW what was he supposed to do?