Best-Laid Plans

Chapter 18 (PG-13)

She barely had one foot in the Northwest Lobby when she heard the call.

“Hey!” Sam said as he came in the northwest entrance. “You look better,” he said as he got a little closer, unable to hide his relief.

“Actually, I’ve done hard time this morning. First, Josh actually cooked breakfast and insisted I eat, then Leo, and CJ told me about the thing with the press, and I just got done with the President and the First Lady. I feel like a woman being let out of prison,” she teased.

“Josh cooked?” Donna nodded with a little giggle and Sam smiled. “I didn’t think we’d see you here today.”

“I’m not working, but I was a little stir crazy so I wanted to come in and hang out while Josh met with Leo. Besides, it gets all this out of the way for…Monday.”

“Well, it was good timing anyway. I’ve got some of your things for you,” Sam said, juggling the load in his arms. He turned and took two steps toward the bullpen before he realized Donna wasn’t following.

“Donna?” Sam asked. She was staring at Mike, the uniformed guard on duty at the security desk. Mike’s back was turned, so he didn’t notice. Donna didn’t respond to Sam.

He walked back to her. “Donna?” he asked again as he drew near. “Hey,” he said as he gently put a hand on her arm.

The touch sent her spinning and broke the trance. “You all right?” Sam asked, face etched with concern.

“I was…yeah, I was just…I don’t know, I’m having a weird day,” Donna said, starting back for the bullpen, but she turned on her heel and cast another glance back at the security desk. Mike smiled politely.

“What’s going on?” Sam said, standing close.

“Nothing, I guess,” Donna said after staring at Mike another few moments. “I’ve been weird all day. I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something, but I can’t think what.”

“Something having to do with Mike?” Sam tried to be helpful.

“N-no,” Donna said. “No, I don’t think so. It’s probably nothing.”

“Do you wanna go sit down for a while?” Sam asked, not sure what else to offer.

“No, I mean yeah, sure, but I’m fine,” she said, tearing her gaze away from Mike and shaking her head to try and clear it. “You brought my stuff?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded. “Let’s...I’ll tell you what. Let’s go in Josh’s office and we can sit and go through it for a few minutes.”

“Yeah,” Donna said, heading back toward the bullpen, this time in front of Sam. She actually thought sitting down might not be a bad idea. Her ears were ringing a little, but she didn’t want to say anything to worry him. She was tired of people fussing over her.

She walked into Josh’s office and stopped only when the desk prevented her from going any further into the room. She dropped the bag from Abbey on the desk but didn’t turn to face Sam, who was setting his armful of items on the floor in front of one of the guest chairs. She stared at the bag in front of her.

“What’s that?” Sam asked after shrugging out of his coat.

Donna looked at him, then smiled a genuine smile. “Care package from the First Lady,” she said. “Do you know she called the doctor from the ER last night and got all the details? Then had my prescriptions filled and sent over, and is sending me home with bandages and Lord only knows what else. I’ve got a whole pharmacy in here.”

“God knows we’ve had enough problems with Mrs. Bartlet and the press without her calling ER doctors and giving them heart attacks,” Sam said to himself more than anyone else. “She’s gotta learn to go through channels if she’s gonna pull rank like that.”

Donna looked at the little shopping bag and her heart warmed. “It really was very sweet.” Maybe it was some of the care instructions she’d been forgetting. The Vicodin every 8 hours until the end of tomorrow. The antibiotic twice a day, along with changing the bandage. Maybe that was what she’d forgotten this morning. Then why did she still feel like she was forgetting it? The ringing in her ears intensified and she reached a hand up to the side of her face absentmindedly to rub at the annoyance.

“Headache?” Sam asked.

“Little one, yeah.”

“Can you take something?”

“Already took Advil this morning. It’s OK. When Josh is done with Leo I’m going to see if we can’t go home. I’ll take some more of the Vicodin then. The First Lady said I shouldn’t have tried to go off it so soon.”

“Well, I’m not a medical expert, but I think I’d agree,” Sam said, studying her. “Sit down for a few minutes. We’ll go through your stuff.”

Donna settled in one of the guest chairs and Sam in the other, her belongings at his feet.

“OK, first of all,” he said, picking up the top two items, “I think your coat and suit jacket are pretty much a loss. I emptied out the pockets for you so if you’d rather not deal—”

“Yeah,” Donna said. “Just toss them, OK?”

“Yeah,” Sam moved them out of sight and opened up a large brown paper bag. “Your handbag has most of the items still inside it, the officer said. I didn’t look, because I know how women are about their handbags, what with all the secret and mysterious items men aren’t supposed to know about, so, you know, here you go.”

He set the purse on her lap, but she didn’t make a move to look inside it, so he cleared his throat a little and dug back into the brown paper bag. “Several of your things were found separately and kept that way, I guess because it’s procedure. Your wallet, a couple random small things, he deposited a tube of lipstick and a tin of Altoids into her outstretched hands. “I don’t know, I guess your bag was overturned at some point. Your keys,” he said as Donna dropped the lipstick and mints into the purse. She flipped her keys over in her hand and dropped them into the bag as well. “Your cell phone,” Sam said, handing it to her.

Donna pressed a few keys.

“Still work?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, believe it or not,” she answered distractedly. “The battery’s running low, but it still works.” The color screen hurt her eyes. Donna was desperately trying to ignore the pounding in her head. The ringing in her ears was so loud it was hard to focus on what Sam was saying. Maybe her blood sugar was low. Maybe Josh was right and she hadn’t had enough to eat today. Where had she left that muffin? Oh. Out at her desk. She stood up to go get it, having already tuned Sam out.

“And...” Sam said as he peered into the brown paper bag. “Last but not least, your ID.” He held the name badge out to her. “Now you can get rid of that thing and not look quite so much like a tourist.” He gestured to the temporary pass hanging around Donna’s neck.

Donna didn’t hear him. She held the plastic card she had on her person the majority of the time and felt a shiver run through her body. She tasted bile in the back of her throat. She ran her finger down the lanyard and remembered a moment when it swung wildly in the hands of someone else.

"‘Donnatella Moss, Senior Assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff for Strategic Planning.’ Tell me, Donnatella Moss, are you half as fascinating as your name? I’d imagine you’re a very unique woman, and I’m probably right, since it seems you have a very unique job.”

Donna jumped at the memory of Bernard’s voice and the leer on his face when he’d seen her White House ID. Sam had been dropping Donna’s ruined coat and blazer into the brown paper bag and hadn’t seen her reaction. The moment continued to play out in Donna’s mind exactly as it had the night before.

“Would you like to know you new job title? Your new title is, ‘My Ace in the Hole.’ The pay’s not great, I’m afraid, but I think you’ll find that as your boss, I’ll make you feel downright invaluable.”

She snapped her head toward Josh’s desk but saw only his empty chair. She took a step back and stumbled a little, and she thought she’d made some kind of sound, because Sam looked up and immediately stepped toward her with his arms extended. “Donna? Donna, let’s sit down, OK?”

Donna heard herself refusing, mumbling no, but she wasn’t sure why. She was panting, unable to catch her breath. She took another step backwards and stumbled again, sending Sam to the edge of panic.

“Donna!” he grabbed her by the elbows, and was alarmed to feel how badly she was shaking, but she kept him from getting close enough to support much of her weight. She was pushing against his chest halfheartedly to keep him away from her. “Donna, listen to me. You need to sit down, OK? Let’s just take some deep breaths, and sit down for a minute.”

“Donna, listen to me,” another voice pleaded as the scene in her head continued to play out. “You need to...listen, you need to breathe, OK? You need to take some deep breaths.”

Donna gasped loudly and tore herself from Sam’s embrace, backing up all the way into the nook off of Josh’s office. She backed up until she hit the far wall and folded her arms around herself, still trembling.

“Donna,” Sam pleaded. “It’s all right. You’re all right. Just let me—” he trailed off, not knowing what to say. “You’re OK, Donna. Everything’s all right now.”

Tears started to fall freely down Donna’s cheeks.

“You need to dig in, Donna. He thinks he can scare you for fun by making empty threats. Don’t let him. Don’t make this fun for him. Don’t give him the satisfaction. They can’t get to the President, Donna. Show them they can’t get to you, either.”

Donna’s knees buckled and she started sliding down the wall. Sam stepped forward to catch her but she let out a strangled cry and shrank away from him, so he just let her slide to the floor. She was staring at a point in space just in front of Sam.

She wanted to dig in, like Fred had said. She wanted to be strong, to show them that they couldn’t get to her. But before, that had been when she’d had Fred to help her. She didn’t have anybody now. She was on her own.

“Donna,” Sam had sunk to the floor with her, and was on his hands and knees and front of her, as close as he dared get. He pleaded with her, his voice full of terror. “Please look at me.”

“Donna, open your eyes and look at me,” came Fred’s voice. “You know what this is that’s happening right now? The way you’re feeling? It’s hysteria, Donna. It’s panic.”

Donna knew he was right. But Donna knew something that Fred didn’t know. Donna knew what was about to happen to him. She closed her eyes and opened them again, finding herself on the floor of the bank, holding his hand and staring into his lifeless face.

“Sam!” Toby came tearing through the bullpen. “I would dearly love to finish the President’s address to the UN before the President finishes his second term in office!” he strode through Josh’s office door. “So I’m gonna have to ask that you cut short your conversation with Donna about teas and bath salts and come—”

“Toby, get Dr. Bartlet!” Toby stopped cold and turned to his left, stepping into the alcove on instinct. “Get her now!” Sam said, turning his head for a moment to see Toby’s eyes glued to Donna. Toby shook it off and rushed back to Donna’s desk, grabbing her phone and punching a few numbers. He was quickly connected to the Residence and told the First Lady she was needed. Sam was vaguely aware of Toby asking someone out there where Josh was, and rushing off to find him.

Donna’s silent tears gave way to loud sobs, and Sam reached out and put a hand on one of her drawn-up legs to steady her. With a terrified “No!” she pushed herself even farther against the wall, and Sam jerked his hand back like she’d burned him.

He felt absolutely powerless, torn between desperately wanting to help her and not wanting to chance doing anything that would make it worse. All of a sudden, he remembered what Josh had said at the hospital last night. That she hadn’t known him right away. He took a breath and inched closer to her on the floor. “Donna. Donna, it’s Sam. Would you look at me, please?” Donna’s sobs quieted a little but continued. “Donna, it’s Sam. Donna, listen, you’re OK, all right? You’re safe now. It’s over.”

Donna let out another strangled sob and shook her head 'no' a little. Sam was a little hopeful that maybe he was getting through to her. He changed tactics.

“You’re scaring the hell out of me, Donna. Look at me, OK? Just look at me, that’s all I’m asking. Please,” he said softly.

From her position curled into a tight ball, Donna slowly cracked her eyes open and raised them to Sam’s.

“Donna, you know me,” Sam began softly. “You know I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. You know that, right?”

Donna blinked once. Then came a shaky nod.

“Right,” Sam inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. “And you know I would never let anybody hurt you, right? As long as I’m with you, I’m never gonna let anybody hurt you.”

Donna squeezed her eyes shut and screwed her features up again as another sob surfaced.

“God, Donna, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there yesterday,” Sam said, inching still closer. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t keep them away from you, but you made it, Donna. And you really are safe now. You have to know that. And I...and Josh and Toby, all of us, we’re not gonna let anything else happen to you, OK?”

Donna took a deep breath and looked him in the face again. She cocked her head and smiled sadly at his sweet words, but soon another sob surfaced and she leaned toward him only slightly.

Sam snatched the opportunity and took her in his arms, turning so he was sitting beside her with his back to the wall. She leaned heavily on his chest, arms still wrapped around her midsection, and Sam rested his chin on her head and rocked them back and forth slowly, doing his best to comfort her.

He wasn’t sure how long he was like that before he felt another presence in the confined space and looked up.

Josh knelt silently before the two of them, and was reaching slowly toward Donna. Her eyes were closed as her tears continued and Sam quickly motioned for him to stop, concerned that an unexpected touch would set her off again. Josh looked at him with a mixture of confusion and anger, but Sam’s face was insistent.

“Donna,” Sam said softly to her. Donna sniffled in response. “Donna, did you see Josh?”

Donna shook her head no, not opening her eyes. Josh hadn’t been at his desk when she’d looked there, and then things had gotten really bad, and she couldn’t remember if she’d looked anywhere else.

“No, Donna,” Sam rocked her into a slightly more upright position. She lifted her head toward him and opened her eyes. “Did you see Josh? Right there.” He nodded his head in Josh’s direction.

Donna turned her head slowly. Her tears began anew as she reached for Josh, who shifted to sit on the floor and held her tightly as she cried.

Sam pulled back from Donna and leaned against the wall. He went to run his hand through his hair and was startled to see that it was shaking a little. He held both hands in front of him. They were both trembling slightly. He gripped his knees tightly and leaned his head back against the wall, taking a deep breath to calm himself. When he opened his eyes, he noticed for the first time Toby and Leo standing in the doorway, looking deeply concerned. A small crowd of faces filled in the space behind them. He supposed they’d made enough noise to attract some attention.

Toby must have followed Sam’s eyes, because he turned and assumed battle posture, as if noticing the people behind him for the first time. “All of you have other things to be doing. Right now,” he growled.

The crowd dissipated quickly, some hanging their heads a little ashamedly, others glancing back at Donna one last time with genuine concern.

Josh was still doing his best to quiet Donna, rocking both of them from side to side the same way Sam had. One hand held her head against him and steadied her. The other was on her right arm. The fingers of her right hand were tightly wound into the material of his sweater over his chest, while she still cradled her left arm against her.

Her sobbing began to subside again, and she took a couple deep breaths. Josh snuck a glance at her face, hoping she was coming out of it. She shook her head slightly and whispered an almost inaudible, “Oh, God.” Even without the sobs, her tears continued to fall freely.

“Abbey’s on her way,” Leo said as he stepped back into the doorway.

“Donna?” Josh said quietly. “What’s the matter? Can you tell me what’s the matter? It might help.” She hadn’t gone on this long in the ER, and her other difficulties had only been momentary.

Donna drew a ragged breath and clutched onto the sweater a little tighter. “I just realized what I’ve been forgetting all day,” she said softly.